If you grew up in the eras before uber nanny states, cops shooting kids holding super soakers & technology ruling our leisure time, you went out & if you had cool parents they got you a skateboard or bike (New or Hand me down, I don’t judge). The backward or front yard was our battle zone & imagination expanded our limits.
I bet you, if you lived in the ghetto or an ‘urban’ area, you didn’t wear a helmet or bike pads, but if you did, I bet you YOU were chastised because of it. Thus brings me to the topic, why the fuck are people so against safety? Seriously, all throughout my childhood I grew up with teachers & policemen & firefighters, & even the TV, telling me the importance of safety helmets & pads. I wouldn’t say there was an harsh stigma against people who would wear safety pads, but you wouldn’t be looked at in a badass light. It’s kinda sick, sad, yet funny how folks would poke fun at someone for wearing safety gear when either riding a bike or skateboard.
“Hurr hurr hurr, yer gay for being safe!”
So it’s better to not wear any protection & have my skull smashed against the asphalt than to wear a helmet that makes you look like a special needs kid & come out of a near death collision with just a few scrapes. Anyone besides me see the poor logic behind this?
Then again, everyone digs the daredevil, including the ladies. I bet you Evel Kenivel got so much action that not even me, you or Jesus in that corner will ever get in a few lifetimes. Still, nobody see anything wrong with this? It’s like going into a war zone without a bulletproof vest. Sure, it makes you an absolute badass going into war with only a spoon & a pair of red speedos, but it’s not going to end well.
So it’s better to risk a broken leg, arm & maybe even brain damage because “Safety is for fags”? (Not my words, their words) This is the reason why MTV’s ‘Jackass’ lasted longer than it had.
Despite this, I do commend idiots who take this approach, why? Because whenever some idiot decides to pull something like trying to jump off a rooftop with their BMX bike, it teaches us (The Smart People) why it’s such a bad idea. Deep down within us we got a mini-idiot who tugs at our hair & says: “Dude, if you set fire to the RNC convention center & lock the exits, you’ll look cool. The chick with the boobies will talk to you if you do that.” At the same time there are still idiots who get their way because some kid decides to stick M-80’s up his crotch while riding a BMX bike with 10 roman candles on each wheel & think they’re going to pull of some Jet Li backflip, only to have a big bloody crater in his ass & burnt legs. Then what happens, idiots in congress or city politicians ban all fireworks, because apparently if one stupid person does something stupid, then it’s everyone’s fault & everyone will attempt this stupid stunt. The big wigs feel this would ease off on the number of people in a hospital waiting room, which I can kinda agree. Imagine being a nurse (I’m sure some of you are) & having to deal with the ever burdening stupidity of the human race. While you can be saving a woman giving birth or tending someone with leukemia, you’re stuck stitching a dude’s anus back on because he thought he was Superman. We already got overcrowded hospitals & being overcharged for visits, this doesn’t make the situation any better.
I guess what makes people think safety is stupid are the ways things like the PSA’s on television inform people. Rather than show the consequences in a series light, they stumble to bullcrap like trying too hard to connect to the youth. Yeah, that’s what kids dig, they’re all into that hippity hop music! Better create a rapping banana with a backwards hat & a chain that says ’2 Safe 4 U’. The kids will dig that, it’s not like decades of gangsta rap have set up a standard we have to live up to. I‘m sure we won‘t be cringy.
Then you get the ones that talk down to kids, because we need to inform the youth, yet we have to succumb to being slow & colorful so they can understand. Why can’t America be like both the U.K & Canada? Goddamn, the way they present their public service announcements are brutal & hit the point home. If you watch any of Doug Walker’s videos on Commercials (The only funny videos he‘s now capable of, his reviews have lost their touch in my opinion), you’ll know how dark & disturbing some of those PSA’s are. Of course I’m sounding like the usual “I only approve of it if it’s bloody & violent.” seeing as most of my DVD & VHS collection are hard R-rated action & horror flicks. Honestly, people will get the point if they see the harsh consequences of things nobody should think twice about.. I agree they shouldn’t be carried away with it like showing a dude’s hands melt after watching internet porn, but it should at least warn people in the scariest & gruesome way possible, as much as the FCC lets them. Think about it, anyone can say “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” for anything, but it takes a lot & hits a lot of people if you say “Don’t text while driving because then you’ll get into a nasty car crash, have a bunch of other cars pile up in your already twisted lunk of metal & maybe even kill someone in the process. Someone who didn’t deserve to die & maybe make orphans because you decided to check your damn twitter while on the freeway.” Thus bringing me to a specific rant within the rant. So I like to sleep at 12am after reading a comic or a chapter of a novel. Every time I close my eyes I hear zipping buzzing pass by. I live near a big street so I would hear the city busses or huge eight wheel trailers passing by, but these buzzing sounds always come every night. It wouldn’t just be one buzzing sound, but various buzzing sounds coming after the other. Most of the time it would be motorcycles because I don’t live too far off from a motorcycle dealership. It always (& this has been an issue in big cities) ends up being these stupid idiots who still think it’s 2004 & drag race through the empty streets. This pisses me off so badly because they think they’re being so ‘Rad’ thinking “Hur hur hur, I’m drag racing because I got street cred & no one’s here to stop me”, whereas in fact you’ll end up crashing into some poor bastard walking or driving home & they won’t see them because they think no one’s around & driving at intense speeds. Only when they hit the corner is when they find out & it will be too fucking late.
I’m not sounding like a nanny state authoritarian, right? So drag racers piss me off, how refreshing.
I’d like to say the climate has changed where we no longer get kids going into an ER because they‘re heavily occupied with Netflix, Smartphones & Meincraft. Sadly, that’s not the case, no matter what decade, stupid people continue reproducing & surprisingly, I don’t see any of those safety PSA’s anymore. I still see that one hilarious one where that kid is playing his N64 & calls his grandma (Who is downstairs) to get him a soda & the grandma stares at the camera like she’s saying “My brother didn’t die in WWII for this.” It was funny. Overall, we no longer get those safety PSA’s that are funded by the state (Which should be a good thing considering they don’t really educate for shit), but we did get that one from AT&T which was more or less a subject of criticism for how it was shot. You know which one I’m talking about, the one where the girl checks her phone while driving in a suburb, gets hit by a truck, then the totaled car ends up below an overpass. Adult Swim made fun of it on their YouTube page & it was glorious (Sadly, can‘t find it anymore). That was a badly made one, how in fuck does a car get totaled in a suburb & end up below a freeway? This is some JFK magic bullet theory shit going on here!
The reason I was crabby with this is I’ve been in two car crashes. The first one was life altering (Nothing horrible, but it’s the only way I can describe it.), the second one was more or less a fender bender, nothing huge. So yeah, this shit about people driving through red lights & doing their bullcrap ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’ (No pun intended) drives me up the fucking wall.
What I want you to take out of this is… there’s nothing wrong with being safe. Sure, there’s something wrong with being too safe like giving your kids a bottle of ‘Purell’ every single second of the day. Kids need to grow their immune system, so let them. I’m not saying to let your kids eat dog shit, but let them experience a cold or get them the chicken pox as early as they can. I don‘t have that privelage, so that means I‘m gonna die when my first child gets them J.
To all the people who are let loose with anything & everything, all I have to say is Go onahead, maybe you’ll educate those around you why you shouldn’t stick so many M-80’s up your ass.
The holidays & New Years are coming up, stay safe out there, no shame in delving into your vices in this time of year (Unless you’ve put off the sauce for a while, then don’t throw it away by going back. Drink a coke instead) and get yourself a designated driver. The last thing anyone needs this holiday season is a dead relative.