Hey, Yay, Way, Stay for play!
I’ll stop rhyming if you write me a check……..Beck.
This is why I don’t write poetry, I spend millions of hours trying to think of what rhymes and flows, too much hard work. I’m better off writing stories and my poetry is too clichéd, it’s not my strongest suit.
So what’s in the news, nooze we can ooze; I’ll stop with the rhyming now.
Druggy Joaquin Guzman was captured in a seaside resort in ‘Mazatlan’ on Saturday, shortly after all the Mexican television stations began tripping balls, cancelled their regularly scheduled programming to bombard viewers with the image of this ugly man. I bet kids were pissed off as all hell, they’re sitting there learning English with ‘Dora the Explorer’ (It’s the Spanish version of ‘Dora’, it’s reverse, she teaches English to Spanish kids.) when suddenly ‘BREAKINGO NEWSO!!!!!’ they caught a fatass drug lord and little Johnny is pissed because his little show was interrupted. Anyway, the way the news and Mexican navy treat this is pretty funny, they consider this ‘An end of a drug war.’ They’re acting like the Oakland Raiders, I’m no football fan but I know they act like they are forever champions after winning one game. Same goes to these militants, they act like they just saved the whole world from drugs by taking out one drug lord who may or may not be the guy they were looking for. Apparently this guy is considered the ‘Osama Bin Ladden’ of the drug world, also I think this is going to get much worse. The killings are going to get worse and the crimes rate might get a little higher. My overall opinion, who cares, I hate criminals, I hate Drug Cartels because they’re ruining their cultural image. Instead of being known for the food, language and way of living, Mexico has become the Druggie country along with Columbia and all the other drug countries. Pablo Escobar can fuck himself sideways with an unlubed wood dildo with sharp splinters, I’m tired of hearing this fuck face’s name! I hate the way Spanish television is making him a pop-culture icon, he was a fat ass who did nothing but sit on his brown ass. Fuck him, fuck him to death and don’t let him get up!!! If you watch world news and not the local stuff, you’ll know who I’m talking about. Pablo Escobar should be violently fucked by a gay Mister T.
Excuse the Mister T reference, earlier I was listening to Eddie Murphy’s ‘Delirious’ stand up show and I just can’t get Eddie’s impression on gay Mister T out of my mind. I’m not against Homosexuality, but when it comes to stand up humor, it’s a free for all and the only time where being offended is not a choice. Gays should get married and why is ‘gay’ an issue? Anyway, if you go to a stand up show, be prepared to laugh at everything and let loose because life is too short to be uppity and offended while rallying up a group of dumbasses against a person doing his or her job. I’m not one to get offended, the only time I’ll not laugh is if the joke isn’t funny. I listen to a lot of stand-up comics, most of them saying some messed up stuff, but I laugh if it’s funny. That’s the point of comedy, not laughing if it’s not funny, laughing if it is. Of course everyone has a different sense of humor, just don’t stop people from enjoying someone who you may not like. I agree ‘Dane Cook’ is the most unfunny piece of crap on the Standup scene but I’m not stopping my friends or family from seeing his stuff. If they enjoy it, fine by me, different strokes for different folks. Also people need to use their brains, provide facts and opinions than just providing the whole ‘I don’t like him because I hate him’ type of excuse.
I hate George Lopez, he thinks he can make anything he says funny just by yelling ‘Whapah!’ or ‘TEAM LEADER!!’ at the end of everything he says. All he does is point out stereotypes that every Mexican knows about and bitches about how his mom never took him to Disneyland. Maybe you were poor and mom couldn’t spend that kind of money just for a day at a theme park, ever thought of that big headed hack? I’m not going to go into that whole ‘Kidney’ thing unless I get all the facts but he reiterates all that he said in his last show, have some fresh material dumbass! The only thing I liked of was ‘The George Lopez Show’ which was the sitcom produced and at times starring Sandra Bullock as this accident prone employee at the Airplane parts factory George works at. I don’t like George’s standup but I did enjoy that sitcom, mainly because it didn’t portray his all Latino family as 80 kids in an apartment room. This was basically ‘Family Matters’ for Mexicans man, that’s what it was except there was no Mexican Urrrkel (Awww. L ). So in summary, George Lopez on stage = BAD; George Lopez on live studio audience with always beautiful Sandra Bullock = GOOD. Plus George didn’t say ‘Whapah!’ at the end of everything, just a few times, thank goodness.
It’s been long since I’ve critiqued a list, I should do that now.
From ‘Wegotthiscovered.com’ is the “Top 5 films that you loved as a kid (That are actually terrible).”
Oh boy, something tells me I’ve never seen most of these kids as a kid or now as a grown person. Let’s get this over with.
#5. An American Tail (1986): I’ve never seen this, but really, terrible? It’s an animated film and it deals with themes of Immigration and a little rat being separated from his family? That’s probably one of the reasons why I never saw this because that description alone sounds pretty fucking depressing for a kids animated film. I’d like to mention as a kid movies that had little kids yelling ’Mommah!!!’ was enough to bring me to tears, now not so much. So many people like this movie, I wonder why it’s on this list?
Read the article and apparently to ’T.J Bernard’, this film is so sad, gloomy, boring and has bad animation. It was made in 1986 so of course the animation is not ‘AKIRA’ standards, something tells me T.J is not educated in animation and doesn’t know how hard ‘hand drawn’ animation is.
Like I said before, I’ve never seen this flick and never plan to because sad animation is not my thing, but I hear lots of people who have seen it in their youth love it.
This is one of the many films I’ll never see due to it’s sadness….’Graveyard of the Firelies’.
#4. Jingle All The Way (1995): Okay, this movie is crap! I did see this as a kid and thought it was awesome back then because ‘ARNOLD FUCKING SCHWARZENEGGER’!!! As a kid I thought every movie of his was pure gold. This film by the way was the worst flick I’ve ever seen, the plot is stupid and goes like this: Arnold as a father and Sinbad as a mailman fight each other to get a hot selling action figure. Arnold wants the figure for his son (who he rarely see because Arnold is a workaholic……..and a sex addict! I just made an Arnold Joke!!!!) while Sinbad wants it too so what ensues? SHINANEGAINS!!!!
The film’s is a joke, but there are some things I kinda liked. Phil Hartman biting a cookie on the phone while Arnold yells ‘PUT DEH COOKEH DOWN, NOW!!!’ is pretty funny. Still, the film sucks, end of opinion.
#3. Space Jam (1996): I think I already talked about this on a Blogababble entry before. If you didn’t hear my opinion last time, here’s a friendly reminder why I hate this film. IT’S A BAD VANITY PROJECT FOR MICHAEL JORDAN!!!!!!!!!!!! And it has a terrible use for the Looney Toons and Bill Murray.
Michael can’t act.
#2. Super Mario Bros (1993): I think I spoke about this before on either my Blogabbable entry or a Facebook post; anyways, I have a friend who’s a ‘Mario Fanboy’ and when I mentioned to him there was a live-action film. He didn’t believe me until I showed him the trailor at a local library. His jaw opened wide as he looked at all these things that did not look even remotely related to the video game. I’ve never seen the film, neither has my friend but we both agreed that we need to see this flick. We’re aware that it’s not a faithful adaptation of the red and blue plumber, but this looks like the kind of film we need to see to believe. It looks good as a film that’s not Super Mario, it’s done by the same people who brought us ‘Max Headroom’. I really want to see this flick badly.
#1. What will it be, what can it be? DRUMROLL PLEASE!
HOOK (1991): This is a film that has people divided into the ones that praise it and those who hate it. It’s a kids film Directed by Steven Speilberg, what could go wrong? I haven’t seen it all and I remember very little of it. I do remember the special effects being superb, Robin Williams wearing green tights and a tiny fairy wanting to ‘get it on’ with 40ft Robin Williams. Oh man, remember the alluding to violence and sex in kids films? Those were good times bro.
Overall that’s a film I remember liking as a kid, but not really hating it after hearing the negativity about it. That’s one film people have to form their own opinion on and I’m pretty sure someone made a porno out of this flick with a 3inch fairy.
Geez, thoughout this whole entry I was pretty negative on things, sorry for that. I assure you next week I’ll be happier assuming if something that pisses me off doesn’t happen. Then again I don’t know if any of you readers out there enjoy my angry rambling. If you enjoy ‘Blogababble’, comment or Email us. I’d really love to know how my writing is.
I think next week I’ll do an entry where I’ll make a top ten of things, but that’s assuming if the world doesn’t get into so much bullshit that I do have to spill my opinions on.
Goodnight everyone, sleep tight, don’t let the Gloria Alreds bite.