Don Rickles passed away at the age of 90 & has not only made an impact stand up comedy, but also made an impact on movies & TV. Most of everyone my age remembers him as Mr.Potato Head in the Toy Story movies, but I mainly remember him from ‘Tales From the Crypt’ when he played an entertainer with a ventriloquist dummy with a mind of his own. We seem to have this ideal of making comedians stay in the bubble of comedy, but sometimes they can manage a good serious role. Sometimes it works (Robin Williams) and sometimes it doesn’t (Jim Carrey). Don Rickles was brilliant in that episode, I highly recommend it, Season 2, Episode 10.
He will be missed & sad to say, comedy isn’t the same now. He was part of that troupe of attack humorists who take on everyone in the name of good fun. I hate to start a rant, but that’s the problem with stand up comedy today. We got too many inner politics in it where specific people would let someone say whatever they want on stage & nothing will come of it, even if it‘s fully insulting & truly offensive. Then we got the people who make good jokes that attack or demean the people who should be attacked, & all of a sudden those people who were quiet are now going on twitter saying “That man hurted my feelings! Hashtag, STOP THIS MAN!!” and that bullshit can come from both sides of the political spectrum. Remember when Ricki Gervais hosted the Oscars? What a bunch of crybabies. It’s tragic. Rest in peace my man.
This next one is a big one here for all of us, Jonathan Demme. Director of a bunch of music related stuff like ‘Talking Heads: Once in a Lifetime’ (which is basically Talking Heads performing at a packed theater) & was one of Roger Corman’s camp. If you didn’t know, high acclaimed directors like Francis Ford Coppola, James Cameron & even Joe Dante (Just to name a few) got their start at filmmaking with Corman’s company working on B-movies. What you all may know is Demme directed such classics as ‘Married To The Mob, Something Wild’ (Which I remember catching the ending on KTLA back in the day) & of course the biggest one here, ‘Silence of the Lambs.’ All throughout high school I had such a brief fascination with this film, it was part of that batch of movies & books that basically shifted the way I viewed art, mainly film. I won’t say he was a genre director because his body of work spanned various styles & it shows in his filmography. We go from Talking Heads to Rachael Getting Married, two completely different styles there. Silence of the Lambs is one of those movies & books that basically geared me toward checking out more weird & outlandish murder mysteries as well as more underground soundtracks. We all know about Goodbye Horses by Lazarus Q, that scene where Buffalo Bill is dancing nude to that song was subject to mass parodies. Despite that, the song ‘Alone‘ by Colin Newman introduced me to this sort of coldwave, rock genre & I can‘t really count any movies from that era that used that genre of sorta gothic coldwave in that way. What really made this film stick was it wasn’t just some ordinary true crime story of a angry housewife & a dead family, you have a guy who eats people imprisoned in a glass cell & another guy who abducts fat women so he can make a vest with breasts because he wants to be a woman. That’s the moment when I decided I want to write that type of story that starts off all normal & lures people to what they expect to know, then like in Alice In Wonderland the farther the story gets weirder & violent by the minute. Rest in piece my man, you made my high school years.
Finally, this one hit me way fucking hard. Charlie Murphy. Most of us know him as Eddie Murphy’s brother, but we all know him from ‘Chapelle’s Show.’ He appeared in various sketches in his show, but his claim to fame came when he had a segment called ‘Charlie’s True Hollywood Stories’ in which he told stories about his brushes with famous people, his most popular one being when he talked about coming across Rick James.
“I’m Rick James Bitch!!! Look everyone, Darkness!!! What Did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!!!! Cocaine is a hell of a drug.”
That episode is one of thee most quotable episodes in that whole series. When I saw that episode, I seriously thought he was just lying for the sketch, turns out it those stories were real, but some of it was exaggerated like in the episode when he talks about playing Basketball with Prince. Of course the whole idea of Prince getting into physical activities sounded absurd, especially when it’s present with him wearing his purple rain outfit. Despire those thoughts, according to a photo Charlie uploaded, ball really is life for Prince.
Fun fact here: In ‘Delirous’, Eddie Murphy’s Standup feature, there is a scene when Eddie is on stage & some random girl in the audience shouts “I love you Eddie!!!” and a random voice replies, “SHUT UP BITCH!!!!” The audience & Eddie break down in laughter. Apparently the guy who shouted that was Charlie Murphy, making that scene all the more funnier.
The news hit me hard & the worst part was he was battling leukemia, that’s all the more heartbreaking. What can I say other than he will dearly be missed, I first noticed him at the right time & his last film role (assuming if MovieInsider.net isn’t lying) will be in ‘The Foreigner’ with Jackie Chan. I will be ready to see that film, hopefully this will get a wide enough release.
On with the first current affairs topic at hand…
THE SKY IS TURNING CHILDREN GAY!!!
Ohhh why haven’t I written an article on Alex Jones, that crazy, psychotic, right winged conspiracy dick that earns a lot of money shouting his bullshit into his mic & gets big audience numbers. He‘s learned from that school of Howard Stern where if people love him, they‘ll tune into his show & if they hate him, they still tune into his show just to hear his stupid bullshit. I’ve been doing the opposite of that shit since 2013 (IN TEXT) & look where I am today, most of my readership disappeared (Especially after Britain’s bullshit internet censors. FUCK YOU THATCHER DECAYING CUNT CORPSE!) & I’m still using my sister’s computer to write this thing. Anyways, Alex Jones is a nut & everyone knows he’s a nut, but I had no clue he had children. This means someone must’ve been drunk or high off of something (Roofie), got fucked by this porker of a guy who probably has no dick & popped out children like a broken gumball machine. Holy fuck, this world is purgatory for us lonely people! Well she’s now an Ex-wife (I can see why), but still, crazy world we live in. Sad what women do for money.
So a jury in Texas reached the verdict to have Alex Jones loose custody of his kids & apparently the case has been happening for a while. Ladies & Gentlemen, this is probably the only time the court system in Texas actually did something right for once. This is the same court system that sent gays & colored to the electric chair.
In the case, Alex’s attorney basically said something like “Alex isn’t angry in his show, it’s an act. It’s all a Performance Arte.” Yeah, the guy who said chemtrails are polluting the water, which in turn is turning the frogs gay.” as well as his lack of disrespect for life when talking about a mass shooting or a bombing. That’s all a performance art, the same type of performance art that liberal hippies do where fat women put tape on their nipples & roll around in mud while shouting “Kill the pope! Kill the pope!!! Kill The Pope!!” Performance art coming form a guy who thinks the Sandy Hook shootings were planned & everyone there had a role to play, DAS BOOLSHYT MAN! The argument his Ex wife’s attorney gave was Alex Jones is basically a cult leader brainwashing his kids. If that’s a valid argument, then why isn’t the state removing custody from white supremacist parents? Kids are sponges & everything mom & dad says is right according to their developing minds. I don’t know, maybe the kids were slicing the throats of other kids at school who didn’t believe the frogs were turning gay. I don’t know how much Alex screwed these kids’ minds up, maybe it‘s more than just telling the kids conspiracy bullshit. At least the children aren’t going into the foster system, that’s the important thing here. What’s there to say, Alex had it coming. He earns a big profit from spewing his stupid shit, he has interns which still amaze me. What kinda college student decides “I wanna work for the guy who shouts on a mic about how President Obama is a lizard man? Who I tell you, who? Where the hell are my BlackTime E-Press interns? Better yet, where the fuck is my fan feedback? Wait, do I really need BlackTime interns? Nah, I’d end up doing nothing with them, other than making them make my lemonade & if the ladies are pretty & full of thickness, make them star In a community production of ’The Wiz’. Did you expect me to say that? Neither did I.
So all in all, I’m not sorry, dude brought it on himself. On with the next topic which also features screwing kids up, because the world is a fuck.
MASS JOY IN THE SUFFERING OF OTHERS
This past month I saw a lot of people getting mass joy & laughter on the suffering of others. Now don’t get me wrong, I laugh at the occasional signing person falling off a desk, the nut shot & drunk people falling off a moving car. I can get dark sometimes, but I never cross the line, that line so many fucking people always cross, therefore making humanity more sickening to endure. Well what did we have that made me sick of humanity, there was that random asian guy that got beaten to a fuck & everyone’s all “Hahahahah!!! The ching chong man got hitted! Let’s make some maemaes!” Their words, not mine. To be fair, most of the memes were directed at the United airlines, but we still laughed at the misery of the innocent guy. It’s all a party at kitty & studs, it’s all fun and games for you people out there until it happens to you or someone you care for, then it’s all silence & “Quit making fun of me!! I‘m offended! I‘m going to start a petition” bullshit. So a random asian man had to give up his seat in an already packed airline because the airplane industry is so cheap & full of ‘bullshitery’ that I will never fly in an airplane until humanity stops being stupid & you know that‘s never going to happen in any of our lifetimes. We‘ve gone too deep man. Dude decided to stand up against the airline people & stood his ground like Rosa Parks. This guy was a patriot & got beaten up like a martyr.
I was told stories about the glory days of airlines, stewardesses gave free cookies, you could sit along with the pilots as they commandeered the plane & you could cal the stewardess ’Toots’. I want a cookie, be in the pilots seat as the plane glides through thick clouds & to have the power to call anyone Toots, now they just give peanuts & the pilots are robots. Then the Gulf War happened & airlines began sucking & 9/11 was the final nail in the coffin. So to all of you at United Airlines, choke on a peanut….shaped like a penis! Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with airlines & airports today? Remember that one news story where the handicapped girl was forced to get off a wheelchair & the security got all up in arms because they thought she was hiding something? Yeah, she’s hiding the fact that she has no control over her legs you bullshit assholes! Seriously, Airports are shit, that’s why people would rather drive to destinations & poop near trees than to deal with the bullshit of the airline industry. We the people are sick of the Airline industry’s shit!!! I swear, if someone decided to make a teleportation device or something that would make travel easier, the airline industry would shit a brick, act like bitches & we would all go for that alternative & not give two shits about the people who lost their jobs due to this technological advancement.
I never been on an airplane, but I’ll tell you I’m not going to start anytime soon. I can tell it‘s a shit experience even if you prepare or not. You got to wait in long as lines, get feeled up by TSA (Worse if you’re a naturally busty woman because that TSA guard is all ‘Lemme touch your boobies & get away wit it!! MUAHAHAHA!!!! I violated your personal space & am going to fap to that!’), wait in more lines (& possibly get called in for a random inspection if you’re dark skinned because apparently dark skin = Muslim terrorist may go boom boom), finally make it to your scheduled flight then wait more hours in an airplane full of people you don’t want to spend a second with, smelling nothing but ghastly anal evacuations from old people to stupid infants & to top it all off you have slight vertigo & grew up watching reruns of that movie ‘Alive’ as well as replay footage of a plane hitting the twin towers. Yeah, I see why people are pissed & scared to fly nowadays.
Back to the senseless beating. Who knows, maybe the guy didn’t want to get off his seat because he had to get to an important meeting, but some temp she-bitch decided “Who can we kick out? We can kick out that meth head that snuck in again. We can kick out the guy who smells like expired Doritos or we can kick out that secretly racist woman reading the Deepak Chopra book who‘s annoyingly chewing her apple. Nah, let’s kick out that defenseless asian man. Better send some armed guards because he may know how to use that ‘Chinese Boxing’ they all know how to do.” And what happened, dude gets beaten to shit, the passengers freak out & United Airlines reports back to Donald Trump, via that holograph device the empire used in Star Wars, to say “Mein fuher, we beat the fuck out of the Chinese.” & Trump’s holographic image appears on the screen saying “Good, good.” On top of it all, there’s another video of a stewardess (Same fucking airline) threatening to arrest & kick a family out of a plane just because they had a baby on board. Hey, I hate crying babies as the next person, but seriously? I hate loud children, but I’m not going to threaten the parents, that is if they’re those pushover parents that have eight kids, let them run around the damn restaurant & use the excuse of “They’re expressing themselves.” then I will threaten them. United Airlines is the Comcast of the airplane world. They can go kill themselves for all I care.
Oh that’s not all the joy in human suffering here, there’s more! Bring the kids, this one is specially made for them! Daddy O’ Five, gotta put in my two cents in this shit as well. If your user name has ‘Daddy O’ or you use Daddy O in your daily vocabulary, you’re a douche, Nuff said! Same goes to people who change their name to ‘Bruno.’ (To all of you who have parents who decided to name you Bruno & put that one the birth certificate, I am soooooooo fucking sorry man. Mass condolences.)
The first video I saw of theirs was one where the dad has the kid’s Xbox & they decide to fuck it up with an electric saw & a hammer. The kids are crying their lungs out, whoever the hell was holding the camera (Might be that cow of a wife) can be heard giggling in the background & the dad looks like he’s having a great time destroying their kid’s XBOX 360. First off, who the fuck has that type of money to piss away? Serious note here, the mom couldn’t be a prostitute, have you seen her? She looks like a rachet teddy gram full of day old fried butter. I’d rather bang Honey Boo Boo’s mom than that gross bitch. No one would pay to bang that. Second, an Xbox 360? The end of the video shows the dad getting them an new Xbox 360 (Yeah, because that‘s how you remedy trauma). I forgot to tell you the video was posted in 2016. Really, you couldn’t get them an Xbox One, or better, a Playstation 4? Oh wait, PS4 & XBOX ONE suck! Seriously, all those updates & shit, this is why I don’t care about this current gen of consoles & I‘m going rogue here, ALL OF YOU GAMERS ARE FUCKING MIND CONTROLLED SUCKERS! I might get a 3DS just to check out the current Pokemon games, but that’s nowhere near today. Then you got the data on the Xbox that is all gone now, he fucked it up real good. They’re kids, so I’m assuming all their prestige Call of Duty rankings & Minecraft worlds are gone because the dad wanted to show the world how much of a cunt he can be. Apparently that’s not all, there are so many videos out there where the kid with the glasses, Cody, is constantly tossed, rough housed & put into a choke hold because “Hahahaha!! Defenseless kids getting his ass kicked by someone older & taller! HAR HAR HARRRR!!!” I’m pissed because I was once that short & young kid that had my ass handed to someone taller & older. I bet you their defense is part of that bullshit masculinity of: “To make him a better man.”, then I have to refer you to (I know I’m referring to my writing, but bear with me. This is not a full on PRODUCT PLACEMENT HERE but check it out if you‘re interested) ‘He Came Tumbling Over’ where it was mentioned that Pasquel was being forced to shoot a horse (One he loved) as a kid because his dad was pressuring him to ‘Man up’. Pasquel’s dad was not a hero or some strong father figure, he was a scumbag. Not on the same level as the Daddy O Five asshole, but nearing that. I’m surprised he didn’t buy the kids a bunny, killed it in front of them & laughed at their horror & YouTube moneys. In one (I seriously forgot which one. I believe it was one where they break his computer) the kid is crying & both the dad & older brother are like “Why the fuck are you crying?” and in this very defensless ply Cody said “You hurt me.” and these two reply like “Oh my god, you fucking pussy!” It’s horrible.
So these assholes lost custody of their kids & thankfully both Cody & Emma are now being taken care of by their real biological mom. OH my god, the dad couldn’t improve, he had to settle for….this?
I believe the older boy (Don’t know his name, don‘t care. For all I know his name is ‘Early 2000‘s douche older brother from every live action disney film’) is old enough to choose who to live with. Here’s the thing, if it was a one time thing, would we as an audience let it pass? Seriously, Daddy O’ five is a scumbag, the same goes to that other guy, Roman Atwood. I bet you Roman & Daddy O’ masterbate to crime scene photos on their off time & think of ways to make their kids much more fucked up the brain. Don’t know who Roman Atwood is? Here’s a taste of his fucked up nature.
In all seriousness, that whole family needs therapy. The kids need therapy for their traumas, the parents need some electro shock therapy (WITH AN ELECTRIC WANT THAT’S INSERTED ANALLY) & the brother needs to have a lobotomy. That whole family is screwed up, thankfully it wasn‘t an ethnic family because you‘d bet the Neo Nazis would have a field day with that shit.
The worst part of that is this made mainstream news. So now we’re gonna get a bunch of ill -informed people (Mainly baby boomers in power) who think You Tube content creators are all assholes, even though there are many people who make their online money in the most honest ways. Not only that but it gives these idiots the fervor & support to censor You Tube & all of the internet because to them it’s better to censor the whole internet than to keep the minority of scumbags from uploading stupid shit than to be free of information. That’s what also pisses me off.
As I was typing this entry I was going to spend a hefty amount of the blog talking about the fascistic attitude going towards the issue of ‘Illegal Immigration’, but I decided to put that on hold & actually set up a whole blog post on that because I got a lot to say about that & lots of stories from my early tweens I wanna talk about. That’s the thing I hate about sharing a computer, I’ll be on a roll writing something I’m very opinionated & passionate about, then my sisters have to use the computer, they spend the next three to four days using the computer & by the time I commandeer the computer, that flame goes out. That sucks, so for now I’ll be talking Movies! Not the current stuff coming out but stuff that I watched in my blue days.
I’ve been watching a lot of movies on my free time & since they aren’t worth an hour long critique on ‘Electronik Critik’, I’ll talk about them here.
Freejack (1992): I remember catching the middle of this flick back in the day. Saw part of it until my mom made me & my family go to the store or church (No DVR son). So in my mind I always wondered what the name of that movie was & the context of those scenes I saw. I saw the scene when Emilio Estevez woke up in that ball shaped room with all those surgeons, then you got him being chased by faceless guards with laser guns & Mick Jager hilariously shouting (With a brief echo, making this line delivery all the more funny) “GET THE MEAT!!!” Then there was deal whole movie set in the FAR FLUNG FUTURE of 2009! At the time I saw this film, 2009 was still a long decade away & being a sci-fi junkie made me want to find this film even more. I think I rediscovered this film when I first got Cinemax, I went into this film expecting some random sci-fi movie, only to find out this was that movie I remembered watching back then! I was mind blown!!!…..Then I was disappointed the second time watching, rewatching it a third time I am conflicted by this film. While I feel the idea of a corporation stealing young bodies from the past to transfer to the souls of the dying is very cyberpunk & a wildly creative basis for a story. Most of that is overshadowed by the typical 90’s chase sequences. Mind you, I love 80’s & 90’s action films, but in a film like this they could have eased off on the action & the cheesey one liners (Mostly said by Mick Jager & Emilio Estevez). Despite that flaw, the film has an awesome set design, the scenes that interest me more are the scenes where the poor & unhealthy live in overpopulated ghettos, all the buildings look rusty & bleached out and for some reason someone with a boom box is playing ‘Thieves’ by Ministry (AWESOME!). What I find funny are the scenes taking place in the rich metropolitan areas, all them people are driving neon colored dildo cars!!! Seriously, all those cars look like butt plugs & sex toys! Overall, I don’t hate the movie, but I don’t love this movie to death. Though I wish they elaborated on that world & the way the Candless Corporation got to where it is, it’s all ignored all because of Mick Jager, chase scene after chase scene & the bland dialogue. The special effects were great, despite the lacking in substance. There was a great use of miniature effects, matte paintings & early 90’s CGI, back when they used it when necessary. I recommend it, but don’t expect a thinking man’s sceince fiction movie about souls & bodies. Freejack is worth at least one watch, then you should tell your friends about the time Mick Jager chased Emilio Estevez.
Class of 1999 (1990): Ok, this is a movie I was expecting to be full of action & it delivered. ‘Class of 99’ is a film I thought was good, full of awesome scenes, very little (Though I wish there was more) satire of the public school system and full of brutal gore. You got android teachers replacing real teachers as they not only teach students in a gang divided public school (Think Mad Max set in school with neon spray paint & punk rock teenagers with guns) but they also take the law into their own hands as they kill the students they deem undesirable. Then you got the rag tag team of gang kids taking justice into their own hands as they take on these android teachers. I dug the film, it was gory, violent & very creative. What kept me from fully enjoying it is the whole clichéd trope of the main character telling the truth while nobody believes them. After the android teachers kill a few students & show off their inhuman physical abilities, you’d think the students would catch on that there’s something wrong with these teachers. That part kinda annoyed me a little & I couldn’t really buy Bradley Gregg as this badass teenager who spent time in prison. Aside from those flaws, I dug the film very much! If only I saw this back in high school when I was in my “Everything is pussified for us teens! Give us blood & carnage!!!” phase of my life. The film is worth the watch & the climax, holy fuck that climax was freaking awesome!!!! The film is full of action packed scenes, suspense & even some interesting character development. I know, a movie called ‘Class of 99’ full of post apocalyptic punks with machine guns, a flick like that has character development?! You have Bradley Gregg’s character who, right from the beginning, wants his younger brother to go on the right track. He’s admitted his mistakes & wants to set his life straight, but sadly his younger brother aspires to be part of the gang & both the young brother & his mom are addicted to drugs. It’s those moments I wished they could have alluded to more, but then it would of turned the whole film from a killer teacher sci-fi horror film into a preachy After School special. Overall, this flick is a must watch.
Feud: Bette & Joan (2017): This isn’t a film, it’s a mini-series, but felt like a full length feature film. So this series chronicled the battle between Bette Davis & of course the lovable bitch herself, Joan Crawford, as they worked & fought each other on the filming of ‘Whatever Happened To Baby Jane’. From the visuals all the way to the soundtrack (The original orchestral soundtrack), the whole show felt like a movie that would have been made in the 70’s or early 80‘s. I got a lot of ‘Mommie Dearest‘ vibes from this show. Jessica Lange & Susan Surandon highly deserve Emmys & Oscars for their performance. No, the whole cast & even the creative team deserve awards! The guy who played Jack Warner was great, the girl who played Bette Davis’ daughter…..um….yeah she wasn’t that great. Sorry. The same can be said for the twins who played Joan Crawford’s twins, they creeped me out, looked like their heads were shrinking. I thought they were ignoring her first adopted daughter, but no, she is mentioned in the later episodes as the show gets to the late 60’s. I liked the scenes when Joan Crawford is on set & talking to reporters as she hawks Pepsi (Because she married the guy who owned the Pepsi corporation for a short while) and she’s trying to get on everyone’s goodside giving everyone free pepsi & free ties. Then later on Bette Davis puts up a Coke machine on set, basically trying to tell Joan “Two can play in this game!” Then and there you can tell that these two aren’t off to a very good start! I also liked the fact that it goes through Bette & Joan’s B-Movie career. Joan just hated the fact that she was starring in schlock like ‘Straight Jacket’ and a Hammer film with a monster. Then you got the scenes of Bette Davis signing in a talk show (Was a good song), being in the public eye after the success of ‘WHTBJ’ and signing the autographs for young people who enjoyed the film, despite Jack Warner calling the film an imminent failure.
This show is awesome! Bar none, not saying anymore, I love this show & want a physical DVD copy of it. I was going into this show ready to laugh because all those promos were funny, creative & weird. There’s that one where Bette Davis, as Baby Jane, skipped & danced on the beach while she held two ice cream cones melting on her hand. I swear, when I saw that Super Bowl teaser, I thought this was going to be a Lynchian movie about a woman who thinks she’s still a child. Then I saw the trailer, that’s when it hit me that this was a docudrama & one featuring Joan Crawford. I admit, my first exposure to the actress wasn’t in one of her films, it was from that hella depressing, very over the top ‘Mommie Dearest’ staring Faye Dunaway (Favorite 70‘s actress). I know, that’s the worst exposure of the actress, a film based off a tell-all book, but it was gloriously over the top! NO MORE HANGERRRSSSSS!!! ……..John Waters plays William Castle, that was out of left field & glorious! This show has my full on approval. Must watch, quit school or work & watch that show!
-The Happy Ending (1969): Ohhhhhh my god, talk about a movie that I watched because I mistook one name for another. There’s Gene Simmons, then there’s Jean Simmons! I’ve been bamboozled, come on everyone, roast me! BOI!!! I look like a mutha fuckin’ uhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I mistook Jean Simmons for Kiss member Gene Simmons, which then made me think this movie was going to be one of those New Hollywood, drug fueled movies that I desperately seek out. The synopsis made me think this all the more, it went something like “A woman pops pills, abuses alcohol, escapes her husband of 16 years to spend her freedom at a beach in the Bahamas.” That made me think of movies like Trainspotting or ‘The Trip’. I thought this woman was going to leave her asshole husband, go to the beach, meet a bunch of hippies & take more drugs until she O.D’s in a hotel bathroom with a ton of lewd Polaroids taken of her which will later on (In four decades) be uploaded to the internet. What I got was a movie about a bored, depressed housewife who leaves her boring, repressed & uptight husband to go to a bahamas where she evaluates her marital life. The whole film looks like an old Hollywood movie, but the subject matter is very New Hollywood, as much as a PG film in 1969 could take it. This film teetered around being a schmaltzy classic Hollywood romance, with tinges of societal rebellion & talking about subjects which were still considered taboo. On the surface the film seems like a rich people problems film, but there are moments where you feel bad for Mary Wilson who is so bored with her life, her husband is such a fucking commanding tool, the romance in their relationship is dead & her only daughter ignores her. The only friend Mary has is a 40 something year old maid and I gotta say she‘s my favorite character. She basically helps Mary escape & has not only the best lines, but also has some of the funniest moments in the film, like the scene when she talks to Mary‘s husband on the phone & puts him on hold by putting the red telephone in between her legs. Very funny! Most of the film’s dialogue felt & sounded like everyone rehearsed every single joke from every issue of Playboy magazine, some were well written, I admit. I felt like I should have been watching this film with a big cocktail glass, a nicely pressed suit & saying stuff like “I write for The New Yorker. I have the sharp witt of J. R.R White on a bender in Haiti. Murhurhur! Better call my French nanny. Oh Francios, loveley Francois, please start my bath & tuck the children in, it‘s happy hour.”
This isn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen, it gets dark in some places, but it isn’t for everyone, nor is this a movie I’m willing to sit through again. Maybe when I’m bored & I come across this film, I might see it again. It’s one of those movies I’ll mention once, talk about it, but never revisit or quote it anytime soon. Jean Simmons is hella beautiful in this film, back when women didn’t look like plastic Tupperware containers. I admit that, especially in the beginning when she has pigtails. Uhhhhhhhhhh I’ll stop being a perv, but won’t quit.
-The Exorcist (1972): Yup, this was my first time viewing despite countless parodies & references made of this film. Throughout that time I’ve heard friends tell me this movie didn’t age well, that it was slow & boring until the third act. I admit, I was pretty hesitant to watch this film & almost was willing to believe their opinion. Then I watched the film & yes, it was slow, but not in the “We’re slow because we’re boring.” kind of way. It was a slow burner film which means it’s taking its time to have the audience adjusted to the atmosphere, then it proceeds to delve into the creepy & disturbing subject matter when it‘s apt. The first act establishes the characters from the priest to the actress in the film & her daughter. It also sets up a lot of contrasts that make the film all the more interesting & it all starts when that old priest (Sorry if I don’t remember character names as much) is staring at this statue that appeared out of nowhere. That established imminent battle between the good (The Priest) and the evil (The statue or the evil that was depicted by that statue). Then you got scenes of the life of the young priest which is not the best life as he lives in an apartment in the ghetto with his aging mother who lives alone, then as the contrast you got the actress who is living in a nicely built house, has a strong relationship with her daughter (Linda Blair) and gives us a false sense of safety until the shit hit’s the fan & the demons take over her body. Though it isn’t clearly explained why she was possessed or how, there’s no cheesey rotoscope effect like you would see in the B-movies. Instead it’s pretty sad, realistic & disturbing because it starts off with the adults in the film thinking it’s a brain anyerism or some medical disease.
Even after four decades it is still a thrilling & exciting film. Don’t listen to those assholes who say “It’s a slow boring movie, nothing happens in the first hour.” Don’t listen to them, for all we know they ate enough glue to kill a mule. These are the same fuck nuggets that text during a movie & then begin bitching when they don’t get what’s happening in the story. That’s who they are, screw them!
And now, for the final film! This is a title that so many people have been begging me to watch & offer an opinion.
Suicide Squad (2016): Now this isn’t the most well written movie, nor is it faithful to the original comic book series (I have read a few of the early issues). This film has so many flaws………but I had fun with this film! No lie, I was heavily entertained by the film! I very much dug Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn, but she goes from kickass (sometimes evil) girl to this Mary Sue type character at times. I’m surprised to say that Will Smith’s ego doesn’t ruin the film. Deadshot was pretty awesome & I liked that short arc of him being this assassin who’s all about the money. He does it for the money, that is until he shifts his priorities to his daughter. Then you got that one character, the fire guy. I forgot his name, so I’ll just call him ‘Fire Cholo’. Fire Cholo’s backstory was great, but you could tell either the writers wrote themselves in a corner & ignored it or there’s a deleted scene (Coming from this film, it’s very plausible). So Fire Cholo is locked up in this chamber where he is asked to join the Suicide Squad, but he refuses as he now doesn’t want to go back to his past of burning people alive. Next scene we see him, he’s being dragged out of the chamber by the military men to deploy the suicide squad. What was the point of asking him if you’re just going to drag him out & force him to do Amanda Waller’s shit? Then you got the whole idea that was explored when Amanda said something like: ‘What if Superman went rogue, we’ll have to send in a team of super people to stop him.’ Like really, you’re going to send a guy who throws boomerangs, a guy with arm guns, a girl with a baseball bat & a cholo who shoots fire to stop superman, who’s only weakness is Kryptonite? It’s dumb. Then you got the whole thing of the Suicide Squad being just another ‘Stop the end of the world from some powerful force’ cliché that plagues every single superhero movie out now. The Suicide Squad is a government funded team that is sent to take out dictators, drug cartels & criminals, real bad guys & here they are taking out The Enchantress who is more or less their ‘Raven’ from Teen Titans, not some uncontrollable villainess. Assuming if there is a sequel, they might make her part of the group.
Aside from the script flaws, I had fun with this movie & I loved the funny character moments like when they take a break from fighting the sploog men (That’s what they looked like) to drink at a bar. Then you got the moments that ascend this film from typical summer blockbuster to something very special. I loved the scenes where Harley Quinn is doing her pole dancing shit while The Joker is talking to some other gangs & it’s all chaotic, hectic & very stylish. While Jared Leto tried waaaayyyy too hard to emulate Heath Ledger, I dug that style. Not many people liked Cholo Joker, but I thought it was something new. Don’t me wrong, I love classy suit, almost wearing a Zoot Suit joker, but cholo joker was something hip & edgy with all the tattoos & the jewelry. I didn‘t mind that. It was basically Joker for the counter culture, though I wish Jared’s performance was better. Then we come to the issue of the laugh, it’s been teased & people were expecting something interesting or creepy. Sad to say, that laugh was basically The Penguin’s laugh done by The Joker.
“Huahh huuah huuahh!! Hengh hengh hengh!!!”
That’s how it sounded & for some reason that’s what I expected it to sound like. I think I have ESPN. It’s not the best laugh, the most creepy Joker laugh goes to Jack Nicholson.
I also have to bring up another flaw, though it’s not something everyone will agree so take it as you will. I like the classic rock soundtrack with tracks from Queen & Rolling Stone and all, but I say the film would have been benefited with a more hip, more bass vibrating soundtrack. I’m talking sorta mainstream, but pretty dank underground soundtracks from rappers like Bill Saber or Tyler The Creator or even Die Antwood. I’m thinking something in line with like the soundtrack to ‘Saints Row The Third’ where game’s setting is crazy, the violence is over the top & to complement the craziness you got Tyler The Creator’s ’Anarchy’ playing. The movie needed a more hip, more hardcore, more youthful soundtrack than just playing a Rolling Stones song.
To top it off, I put this movie along with the other movies with serious flaws, but are still enjoyable to watch. I also want to mention both the bank robbery & the scene when they break Harley Quinn out of prison. The Joker’s henchmen are wearing cute panda suits & animals masks while shooting a bunch of cops with AK-47’s. This is the shit I live for! I love it when creative staff or film directors just don’t give a fuck about practicality & decide “I want my bad guys to wear spiked football armor with the numbers ‘666’ on it. It’s nothing that improves the character, nor was it necessary, but by god that’s what they want to make the villains all the more memorable. The world needs more insane shit like criminals wearing panda costumes to a bank robbery. The average movie going audience won’t get it, but that’s because they’re plebians!
Well, that does it, I have no fucking clue what I’m going to write about next time. Either it’s going to be about syndicated….OH wait!!! I just got a letter from the mail which lead me to think about a specific topic. I won’t ruin it, but if you had no cable as a kid (Or had parents who didn‘t let you watch Kids WB or Fox Kids), then you’ll dig this topic! So stay tuned & hopefully my writing schedule doesn’t fuck up these coming days, unlike this week. Seriously, all you folks with your own computer, you guys don’t know how lucky you have it.
See you guys, until next time. Enjoy hectic ass fuck America.