Everyone wants a landscaper, but they don’t want to pay landscaping prices.
Welcome to this very special, probably won’t do this next year because I only got material for one entry (but we‘ll see), installment of BLOGABABBLE.
It’s Halloween, well by the time you read this it will be Halloween week. Either way, this is thee first time Blogababble has hit Halloween. I’ve tapped Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July (Kind of) & we even tapped Birthdays‘ ass. This year we’re going to tap Halloween’s ass & it won‘t hurt as much as it did birthdays. I’m still kinda shocked I have not written about Halloween on this blog, especially with all the stories I’m going to tell. Well, the time is now, the end is nigh, our parents aren’t getting any younger & it‘s too late to have a baby brother or sister. Let’s tap that assssss!!!!
May not come as a surprise to anyone who stuck around, but I have such a love, hate relationship with Halloween. While I love the idea of dressing up, having people not know who I am or where I live & be lost in the crowd of hidden identities while asking for free candy or scaring the shit out of people, it’s too much damn work & the Achilles’ heel here, too much damn money. Seriously, what is up with this huge inflation in price for costumes? Wanna dress up as Iron Man? Well, you’ll have to start by getting Tony Stark’s job in order to dress up as him! A little more on that later.
There were many a time when I couldn’t go Trick or Treating because fuck, I don’t even know why. Despite that, when my parents did take me out, it was like stepping out of the Vault, like in a Fallout game. Oh my god, everything looked huge at night, kids running around with sacks of candy & houses looked like rave nightclubs with the decorations! Despite living in California which lacks the golden fall, Halloween night still feels like Halloween, despite the semi-warm temps & green leaves.
I remember one time Halloween landed on a Sunday, so we stayed home (Despite it being in that time being when my parents were highly active on Sundays either going to the flea market or going to Church), didn’t do shit & I remember wearing my Lion King pajamas all day (It was the 90‘s). So me & my older sister were watching TV & on KTLA they were showing ‘Earnest Scared Stupid’, a movie I recall watching more than once at that time. That’s not all, before the movie started the channel aired an episode of ‘Hey Vern, It’s Earnest’ as a little holiday extra. That is some obscure shit today, most of you may or may not know who Earnest P. Worrell is, but I tell you in the 80’s & 90’s he was the muthafuckin shit! I remember the episode clearly, it was titled ‘Scary Things’. Network & Cable won’t do that anymore today (Except AMC & possibly El Rey Network), but something like that was pretty freaking awesome, especially since this was on a Sunday morning & not marketed as a special. Instead of the typical hellfire preachers that flood that channel (Which still air today), they decided to air something for the kids & you can’t argue with that logic.
Welcome to this very special, probably won’t do this next year because I only got material for one entry (but we‘ll see), installment of BLOGABABBLE.
It’s Halloween, well by the time you read this it will be Halloween week. Either way, this is thee first time Blogababble has hit Halloween. I’ve tapped Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July (Kind of) & we even tapped Birthdays‘ ass. This year we’re going to tap Halloween’s ass & it won‘t hurt as much as it did birthdays. I’m still kinda shocked I have not written about Halloween on this blog, especially with all the stories I’m going to tell. Well, the time is now, the end is nigh, our parents aren’t getting any younger & it‘s too late to have a baby brother or sister. Let’s tap that assssss!!!!
May not come as a surprise to anyone who stuck around, but I have such a love, hate relationship with Halloween. While I love the idea of dressing up, having people not know who I am or where I live & be lost in the crowd of hidden identities while asking for free candy or scaring the shit out of people, it’s too much damn work & the Achilles’ heel here, too much damn money. Seriously, what is up with this huge inflation in price for costumes? Wanna dress up as Iron Man? Well, you’ll have to start by getting Tony Stark’s job in order to dress up as him! A little more on that later.
There were many a time when I couldn’t go Trick or Treating because fuck, I don’t even know why. Despite that, when my parents did take me out, it was like stepping out of the Vault, like in a Fallout game. Oh my god, everything looked huge at night, kids running around with sacks of candy & houses looked like rave nightclubs with the decorations! Despite living in California which lacks the golden fall, Halloween night still feels like Halloween, despite the semi-warm temps & green leaves.
I remember one time Halloween landed on a Sunday, so we stayed home (Despite it being in that time being when my parents were highly active on Sundays either going to the flea market or going to Church), didn’t do shit & I remember wearing my Lion King pajamas all day (It was the 90‘s). So me & my older sister were watching TV & on KTLA they were showing ‘Earnest Scared Stupid’, a movie I recall watching more than once at that time. That’s not all, before the movie started the channel aired an episode of ‘Hey Vern, It’s Earnest’ as a little holiday extra. That is some obscure shit today, most of you may or may not know who Earnest P. Worrell is, but I tell you in the 80’s & 90’s he was the muthafuckin shit! I remember the episode clearly, it was titled ‘Scary Things’. Network & Cable won’t do that anymore today (Except AMC & possibly El Rey Network), but something like that was pretty freaking awesome, especially since this was on a Sunday morning & not marketed as a special. Instead of the typical hellfire preachers that flood that channel (Which still air today), they decided to air something for the kids & you can’t argue with that logic.
So we spent the whole day watching family friendly horror films. KTLA was the only channel I remember that aired cool stuff either on Halloween day or Halloween weekend & their selection of horror was good. I also remember once they aired this rarely seen, straight to video animated film called ‘Monster Mash’ from 2000. I remember it being a pretty cool movie. Haven’t seen it in a long time, but part of me is afraid to go back to it because it was made by the devious & cheap people at DIC.
Besides their once established annual airings of ‘Hocus Pocus’ & ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’, they also aired some pretty cool harsh horror like the original (hate that I now have to specify) Poltergiest, Predator, Night of the Living Dead (1990) & the 60’s version one time. They went all out on Halloween, now they just air whatever the fuck redbox, mainstream movie from last decade. It’s sad. They don’t cater to holidays anymore, it’s all just the typical “Hey, we got that one movie nobody watched three years ago. Maybe we'll just air this or infomercials or whatever sitcom is on more than 80 channels.” SAD.
But it wasn’t just KTLA (WB) who aired cool stuff, Telemundo loved to air the more twisted stuff, in Spanish dubs of course. They aired Aliens, Evil Dead 2, Hellraiser, Return of the Living Dead; I was amazed by how much violence they got away with. Of course they can’t air nudity or cussing, but all those decapitations & head explosions were intact, something the English speaking channels cut out. It’s weird, especially since this was the time when Janet Jackson showed boob in the superbowl & the FCC went nuts. You‘d think her tit caused a child‘s head to explode. Then Telefutura airs a few of the Texas Chainsaw sequels & the Friday The 13th films & of course, The Witches for the kids & they would air that at night every Halloween. So all them kids expecting a fun horror film with sexy Angelican Houston turning into a fucking creepy ass witch. That film still haunts me today & I keep telling myself I’m so vain with horror films. Now Telefutura, that’s a channel that’s lost its way. They went from airing cult exploitation (also dubbed in Spanish) from Cannon Films, Vestron Video, Nu Image & Carolco, to now airing bullcrap, straight to video abortions starring out of shape Steven Segull & bland action movies starring Wesley Snipes (I know, he needs the money. It‘s sad. Fun fact: Wesley wants a new Blade Sequel. I’m all for that!).
I know what most of you are thinking: “Horror movies during Halloween? Bitch please, I watch horror films year round.”
We get it, but it seems like October is that right time when watching a horror film is right. This is also the right time when stores (mainly pharmacies) bring out their cult & public domain titles for sale. Even big chain stores like ‘Target’ begin selling boxed sets of horror & sci-fi films, amongst all the copies of ‘Pitch Perfect 2’ & all those Marvel & DC mainstream films. Though those box sets are pretty freaking expensive, considering the titles in those sets, it’s marvelous to find a copy of ‘Tales From the Quadead Zone’. Thankfully it doesn’t include ‘Ax’Em’. One of theee worst horror movies ever made. Seriously, the first half of the film is made up of people (Who have nothing to do with the story) tell YoMomma jokes at some makeshift rap concert. That’s only the top of it. I went out & explored horror films I would of or never would of watched in the first place by buying those budget releases. I stumble on some beautiful works (Big Bad Wolf) & on some crap I never want to see in my life ever again (KOFF Gangs of the Dead KOFF). Binging on horror in October is great, who cares if these elitist assholes say “Why not watch them everyday?” I do watch them when I can, but watching horror on Halloween seems to fit perfectly. Just like reading a book on a rainy day, It adds a little something. People are watching the films, it’s better than not watching them at all & expecting those classics to be forgotten, then remade in dumbed down versions. That’s the Hollywood way!!!!
Looking back, the first time I went trick or treating was the time everything was right. The air was cool, everything looked gold (Like fall in a Midwestern state) & I went with family (back when they acted like it) & I had a full costume. I was dressed up as Scooby Doo (Wish I had a photo of that), why? Well you know how moms are when their kids are in that in-between phase where they’re growing up mentally, but they still look three years old. I wanted to dress up as Batman, but of course mom was the “He’s too violent, dress up as Scooby. He’s adorable.” But I was young, I had no say in the matter, all children’s opinions are always ignored. So I had my McDonalds plastic pumpkin basket, from head to toe I was Scooby (Better Scooby than Scrappy, am I right?) & the only people who could understand me were stoners with shaggy hair named Shaggy. It was Trick or Treating time & everything was so right! I forgot all the candies I got, but I got a lot. My cousins were older than me, so they were more active jumping over fences, running into haunted houses & being chased by people dressed up as Leatherface with a real chainsaw. Halloween in the 90’s was pretty freaking harsh, nowadays if you chase someone with a cardboard knife, you’ll either be shot at by police (Depending what ethnicity you are, sad truth bro.) or you’ll be put into the sex offender registry or you’ll be sued by the parents & have to pay for the child’s psychiatrist bills. I can understand people’s response, kids below the age of 7 don’t deserve to be traumatized like that. I don’t remember getting candy from specific houses, but I do remember getting candy from firefighters.
(Now if you live near a firehouse, send the kids there. They give out awesome candy, but for some reason nobody wants to go there. Firefighters know what kids want & they give out awesome sour stuff, the kind of candies you could only find in gift shops in the big cities.)
Then next place I remember was this one where some old hag was on the front yard with a coven setup. She chased a bunch of kids, I remember seeing a boy in an inflatable sumo costume running away into the horizon. I thought “Oh, maybe she just chases the big kids. I’m safe. Maybe inside that green witch makeup she’s a caring mother or grandmother. That fucking cunt started chasing me for some fucked up reason & I was deathly afraid. A little tiny boy (Back when I was sooo skinny I could hula hoop with a cheerio.) in a Scooby doo costume, being chased by some old hag in a witch costume. Let that hilarious yet fucked up image sink in. Even my mom told me that was pretty fucked up & that just pissed her off. Aw man, if that were to happen to me now, I would tear her saggy tits off with my mouth! But deep down I have to say……Thank you Witch Bitch, for scaring me as a kid & traumatizing my young self, because without that I would be a much softer person & wouldn‘t have the mindset I do now. Thank you everyone who fucked with me in my youth, because without you, I wouldn’t of had such a fucked up sense of humor & I wouldn’t be me without it. There wouldn’t be a Blogababble! Thank you.
This wouldn’t of happened if I have gotten the Batman costume I wanted.
From then on I didn’t wear a FULL costume for a number of reasons. Mom spent money on the Scooby doo costume, but after that she didn’t want to buy me a costume for some reason. I guess at that point costumes were getting ridiculously expensive & that’s when I started seeing those one note shops that pop up every October like ‘Spirits’ that rent out every empty spot in strip malls & sell Halloween related products, including costumes. Yeah, spend $50 on a costume that everyone would be wearing (Because Heath Ledger as ’The Joker’ & Harley Quinn are poopular! If you don‘t dress up as a licensed character, then you‘re a fucking asshole!) I still went trick or treating, but I wore what I call half assed hacks. I’d be wearing a black skeleton shirt with black pants & a skeleton mask from the 99cent store. that was my costume or sometimes I went out with face paint, while my younger sister dressed up as Snow White. As you can tell she got more candy than me because fucking upper middle class people! All you Desperate Housewives residents make me sick.
I remember once my neighbor (That best friend who was hella-into Halloween & horror flicks, so much so his mom sent him to live with family in Oregon.) invited me to go to the rich folk areas where rich people go over the top insane with their decorations. I remember getting there with my neighbor & his nephews. His nephew was a fucking asshole, I never liked that curly haired, pompous asshole, but his niece (older than me) was some work of art. She had nice smelling armpits, that’s all I will say about that. So my neighbor saw what I was wearing & he tells me “Really, you’re going out like that?” Then it became apparent to me that everyone else was going in full costume. I forgot what his niece was going as, but while I hated the nephew’s face, I did dig that he was going as Scorpion from the Mortal Kombat series. It was at that that moment I knew I was fucked. Then, as a symbol of commited friendship (DEEP FRIED FRIENZ) my neighbor gave me his cape (He was Dracula) to fit a sort of weird ensemble piece with a skeleton mask. I remember getting to this old woman’s door, getting however much candy from her plate & she asks me: “Who are you supposed to be?”
I was pretty freaking nervous so I believe I said it in the way of: “I’m Dracula, but after he died & someone took the stake out of his heart & now he looks ugly & that’s who I am.” I got a lot of kudos that night & it was at that moment I got the storytelling bug. Being able to come up with a story on the fly without preplanning & outlining is an accomplishment. Where’s my trophy for that?
Though I did have a great time going to rich people houses & getting some of that delicious king sized Kit Kats, there was only one reason why I wanted to go to the places my neighbor went. A house, obviously owned by a collector (He/She, I had no idea), gave out free comic books with candy. I believe in the comic book blogababble entry I wrote not too long ago, I wrote about my mom not letting me buy or not wanting to buy me comic books. In Mexico there are small, digest sized comic books (Very similar to the Archie digest comics) that are called ‘Sensasionales’ (Translation: Sensationals) that are comics targeted towards adults. They were basically comic versions of soap operas & these comics would get hella-carried away with the adult subject matter with hardcore sex & violence. I guess she saw Superman as a mass murdering rapist with X-ray vision that can fly. Well discounting the Zack Snyder depiction, we all know Superman was the opposite of that. So on that day I went in that house very excited to get free comics without my mom knowing. I tell you, we had to go inside this guy’s house following police tape & the whole home was decked out in Halloween decorations, posters of classic Sci-fi films from the 60’s & there was a life sized statuette of Spiderman (Which if I remember was a prize given out during a Burger King contest when the first Sam Raimi Spiderman film came out in 2002) & this overweight person was on an office chair with a scruffy male female voice saying “Git yer candy ‘n’ yer Kamik!” I remember getting two comics, one was a Ultimate Universe X-Men comic of that year & the next it was either another X-Men comic or a Cable comic (Then again, that might be one of the early comics I bought from the flea market with my allowance). My neighbor got the Superman comic which introduced ‘Steel’, the character who appears in the death of Superman arc & was later made into that BOX OFFICE CLASSIC starring Shaq.
I’m not kidding, Shaq is the greatest actor who lived! I’ll put that on my gravestone! I now own that copy of Superman, not the exact copy (Recently found it at the flea market for a dollar), it’s an heirloom to me.
So this house was very lynchian & I’m not exaggerating. The lights inside were in a dim hazy yellow, there were drapes around & in the exit there was a blue lit pool with a rock band playing slow jams while a couple cried & slow danced to the slow jams. It was creepy in the way that it didn’t scare me, but I never forgot the imagery I saw. All it needed was a midget who spoke backwards, some Julie Cruise & that place would be full on David Lynch.
I wonder if those folks still own the place, maybe interview the guy for the site.
I never did the whole ‘Put on the costume in school & walk in a parade for the adult’s sick enjoyment’ thing. I never understood putting on a costume to school, that’s pretty sad in my opinion. Despite that, I thought it was cool seeing teachers & staff (Except janitors & I understand why they don’t get in on it. Already sad enough they’re getting paid to clean up some kid’s vomit, why put sand in the wound by dressing up as a bannana who has to clean up bananna colored vomit) work in costume.
When a teacher dresses up, that was some hallucinatory shit right there. You got that asshole math teacher who decided for one day to dress up as a taco. If you weren’t aware of Halloween, you’d think you ate the wrong shrooms or smoked some fucked up pot. Then for some reason the very attractive teacher would wear very skimpy outfits & the school wouldn’t pay any mind. The same school that would enforce such heavy dress codes would give a free pass to the hot teachers. Let the hot teachers be free, except the ugly ones! YUEEEY!!!! To add salt to my age group’s wounds, most of you middle school & High school kids have way hotter looking teachers. Male & Female, they both look good & I’d hate to see what you all are going to post on Tumblr.
I tried dressing up back in Sophomore year & instead I got weird stares from the cholo kids. Luckily I planned the day before. Wore my ‘Adicts’ T-Shirt underneath the suit shirt & suspenders. I was (So I thought) going out as a cheaply constructed Edward Scissorhands without the scissor hands or the pale skin. You know what, looking back that was a stupid idea, so I did deserve all those weird stares. The only two people who noticed were this cool bespectacled punk rock girl I moderately talked too & a friend who gave me well deserved shit for it. I’m not great at dressing up & I’m proud of it. Despite that, High School was bipolar. One Halloween nobody would dress up, the next year everyone would be dressing up. So much so that the school newspaper dedicated an issue to the costumes. The day I came in a shitty suit was the day nobody gave a cum in the fuck. Then you got the ladies who wear the skimpy costumes & you have to ask: Did your parents not hug you enough when you were an infant? Someone must really want that much attention to dress up as a sexy bumble bee, but at the same time it’s like “Wow, you’re a sexy bumble bee, I’m not complaining.”
It was in late middle school (7th Grade to be exact) when Trick or Treating was no longer fun anymore. Part of it was attributed to the fact that I was getting older & the eerie mysticism was gone. To all you people who keep saying “You’re never too old to go trick or treating!“, listen up! I went into a house with some young kid hiding in a trashcan & would pop out to scare kids. When he popped out, I just replied simply & justly “What the fuck?” & got my candy. This was also the year the people who gave out candies were such freaking pricks about giving me candy. They gave my little sister a huge sum of candy, while I just got a piece here, a piece there & mostly got Tootsie Rolls.
(Seriously, what is up with Tootsie Rolls? Unless they’re flavored, they are thee most generic pieces of candy out there & only in Halloween are they given to children by cheap assholes. The only people who eat Tootsie Rolls are old people & starving children, like me. And let’s not forget banana flavored candy! Everyone hate’s it, except Cubans. Fried bananas are a religion over there.)
That night I remember this Megan Mullaly/ Tina Fey looking asswhipe giving me a weird stare when I went up to her house & gave me the smaller candies while the children behind me got king sized bars. Then there was a moment when I went up to the porch of a family’s house & good god, their house smelled like fucked up farts! I’m not kidding, it smelled like day old Korean food left open in an old refrigerator that has been eaten by an old person who could no longer contain their anal muscles. I remember the family in there laughing at my mask & I started feeling sad about it. “It’s not supposed to be funny, it’s supposed to scare you.” I remember at that same place there was this girl (Looked older than me & was by far taller than me) who wore a schoolgirl outfit, carried a sword & a masque. All I gotta say was I was at that age where little things like that began to go a long way for me. She looked like ‘Gogo Yubari’ from ‘Kill Bill’ with a masquerade & that’s all I’m writing. Seriously, Halloween, where girls can dress up like a male dominant fantasy & get away with it. Though with the way things have been getting recently, I think that’s changing, but I’m not complaining. Not my realm. Strong Amish women are sexy too, except when they begin yelling about god, then it’s sad.
Back to the topic, it was at that moment I knew I was growing up & as a pre-teen it’s a heartbreaking revelation that I’m sure kids that age are still experiencing, unless you‘re one of those Arianna Grande, loli type motherfuckers who are 23 but look 11. Fuck you & your everlasting youth, except Betty White. Keep on livin!
Now I just buy my own candy. That’s when Halloween just stopped. Sure, there were people my age & older than me going out to score free candy & dealing with that unfunny trope of people saying: “Aren’t you a little too old for Trick or Treating?” or “You’ll soon be too old for this you know.” That shit starts digging into your brain & become annoying earwigs.
Despite my age I love the holiday, even though I don’t celebrate it, per say. I’m not a party person & it’s alright because I don’t even get invited to dress up Halloween parties. If I did, I don’t think I would do any dressing up. That’s one thing, it’s too much work & too much time & too much money to dress up nowadays. Too much work because you gotta go to the store, spend heaven knows how much on a costume that may or may not shrink in the wash. Then you gotta put it on, go out, get a lot of stares (because apparently some people still don‘t know what Halloween is. Oh my god, is he in a costume?), then go deal with the humidity in the costume & possibly the face paint that clogs up the pores. It’s all hard & gross. I give all you cosplayers mass kudos. You spend money on fabrics, spend money on convention tickets (or more if you’re out of state), workout regiments accompanied with strict diets & deal with sweaty weebs who want to touch you because they have never seen a woman or man in their life. Mass kudos, all of you! I’d start stabbing people if I were in your position, but you guys keep a level mind during shit like that. Heroes, all of them.
Do people even come up with original costumes anymore? I’ve heard way too many horror stories of people not getting a person’s costume because they thought it was based on some licensed character. I bet you if I decided to stitch up some weird insignias on a leather jacket that all are references to fictional space programs & put on a holster on my leg with a plastic laser gun, people would be saying “I love your Han Solo costume.” I wasn’t trying to be Han Solo, I just wanted to be a circa 1983 space jockey.
Originality & the DIY aspect of Halloween needs to come back again. I remember my older sister (Back when I had seriously mass vanity issues) went out to her friend’s Halloween party dressed up as a character from the romance comics of the 1960’s with the dot matrix colored face. She had a word bubble that said “How could a man have cheated on me?” with a fake tear drawn on. If she could do it, anybody can. I’m unsure how many people understood her costume. Sometimes people are stupid, they don’t understand a costume, start questioning its functionality & style while they’re all dressed up as the popular movie character. Do we need any more Eric Dravens running around in clown makeup & black trench coats?
(Challenge: Dress up as Pasquel from ‘He Came Tumbling Over’ with the Technicolor trench coat. Man, woman, I don’t care. Please, fans & send pics to Tumblr & Twitter & maybe Facebook)
What pisses me off is when I was a kid (Been living in this apartment since childbirth. Yup.) the manager said he didn’t want trick or treaters roaming around the place for one reason: At the time there were elderly people living here, so of course to avoid heart attacks caused by some kid’s realistic gore makeup.
One time I was at home alone, watching some Friday The 13th on TV & then I hear this knock on my door.
“TWIK OHH TWEET!!!”
It was children & never have I felt like shit when I lowered the volume, hid away from the windows & thought to myself “I should have bought a baggie of chocolates for such an occasion.” I felt so bad, next year I bought bags of candy & what happens next? Nobody shows up, not even the manager to say “Hey, you can now give kids candy because old farts don’t live here anymore!” I was even willing to give away free comics (The shitty ones. I’m not handing over my Adventures of Superman #463 to anyone), but no trick or treaters came that night. I spent that Halloween watching some sitcom (The Middle, I think. It wasn’t even a Halloween episode. It was an episode where they were at Disneyland, because that‘s appropriate viewing for the Halloween night!), eating 3 Musketeers & feeling disappointed in myself. I wasn’t even thinking about leaving a bowl outside with a poster saying ‘Take One’ because we all know how fucking greedy the human race is, even as children. The cholos would of gotten hold of the bowl before the kids & would of never returned the bowl..
I remember around 2009 or 2008, nobody gave out free candy & there weren’t any kids outside in costume. Why? The economy crashed that year & around this time everyone was pulling that “It’s because of the economy, times are tough.” quote. It got so annoying, even Buster used that in an episode of ‘Arthur‘ & this was around that time the show slowly began to suck. That saying was annoying & has now lost all it’s meaning because everyone used it so much. I just remember that being a weird time in the late 2000’s.
To wrap it up, I no longer get as excited for Halloween as I did as a child, but I like its presence. Unlike Thanksgiving, Christmas & Birthdays which make me feel like shit, Halloween is like that grandparent who let‘s you do whatever you want & let‘s you order pizza. I love the way people get on Halloween, they get crazy but not too crazy. Costumes & masks galore, the golden look of it all & the special snacks that only appear on October. Candy corn, gummy eyeballs & pumpkin pie. No no, not that bullshit ‘HASHTAG Pumpkin Spice’ bullcrap. REAL MOTHERFUCKING CINNAMONY PUMPKIN WITH CRUST & TOP WITH WHIP CREAM pie. Despite living in ghetto Califnornia, I love seeing on the News the parties that are held in West Hollywood or even in Hugh Hefner‘s mansion. It’s like watching the goth gay pride parade & it’s FFFFAAABBUULLLOOUUUSSS!!! Alright, I sounded like a fruit there….it was intentional!! Only in October, only in October.
I hate the fact that we still have those puritanical assholes that like to pass out pamphlets on Halloween to ‘SAVE THE CHILDREN!’ because they can’t handle the fact that there are people out there getting excited for a holiday that isn’t Christmas or Easter. I remember getting those Jack Chick comics from religious people on Halloween. Being the weirdo I was I thought “Yay, comics! Wait up, why are people going to hell for entering a haunted house or playing Dungeons & Dragons?” I didn’t understand the point of those comics at the time, my mom threw them away along with my non-religious comics. Sad. The weird thing was then there would be Churches who would put up haunted houses, go balls out nuts with the decorations & even put up video games! I always dug those places & everyone was welcome. I always dug that, but of course once they began handing out applications, it was all too clear that you’re Hansel or Gretel & religion is the witch.
Changing topics here, I’m past five pages here & I’m going overtime with this entry.
REAL LIFE HORROR STORIES
If you get scared, I did my job. If you don’t, I at least hope you’re entertained.
I remember as a kid it was way past bedtime, or I believe at that moment I was able to stay up late. It was a weekend & I was with my older sister & the cousins outside. I remember seeing in the street a Jack in the Box man standing in the middle of the street. With a huge head & skinny body, it was the Jack in the Box man. It was freaking creepy & of course nobody believed me. I was a kid. I had no idea whether I was hallucinating or what, but the Jack in the Box man was there, standing underneath the orange streetlights.
I remember going with my parents to some supermarket at night. So we would drive to the Supermarket on a school night & on the trip there we would pass a power plant in the distance. One time there was this glowing oval shape hanging above it which looked like a UFO. Every time we went to the supermarket at night, I would see that ufo that was never there before. I would return home & wash that scary image out of my head by watching reruns of ‘Married With Children.’ Spending most of a childhood wondering if there was life in other planets & watching films like ‘Independence Day’, you would get freaked out too. With the Jack in the Box man, I would assume that was just some big headed man walking the streets, but I have no clue what that thing hovering above the power plant was. I wondered if it really was a UFO or not. This experience also reminds me of that time I was sleeping in my bed & a bunch of thin white glowing hands began reaching into the bed as they tried to grab me. Then again that may have been a dream, but it felt all too real to be a dream.
On that same token, I remember once after a football game me aired (Super bowl, probably), Fox aired a special episode of ‘Cops’. All of you know of that early reality show with what else, cops doing cop things. Well, this episode was one where Mulder & Scully from the X-Files were special guests & working with cops hunting down monsters. Imagine a typical Cops episode with monsters & aliens. Me & my older sister were too damn fucking scared to watch that episode, all I remember was Mulder & Scully talking to a frightened Mexican woman saying she saw a Chupacabra. They made that shit believable & it started to make me question whether X-Files really was a scripted show. I remember trying to tell friends what I saw & they didn’t believe me. I was starting to think that was some rogue broadcast that was never meant to see the light of day. Maybe the government was trying to hide the existence of aliens.
Luckily, there’s proof of that special.
Besides their once established annual airings of ‘Hocus Pocus’ & ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’, they also aired some pretty cool harsh horror like the original (hate that I now have to specify) Poltergiest, Predator, Night of the Living Dead (1990) & the 60’s version one time. They went all out on Halloween, now they just air whatever the fuck redbox, mainstream movie from last decade. It’s sad. They don’t cater to holidays anymore, it’s all just the typical “Hey, we got that one movie nobody watched three years ago. Maybe we'll just air this or infomercials or whatever sitcom is on more than 80 channels.” SAD.
But it wasn’t just KTLA (WB) who aired cool stuff, Telemundo loved to air the more twisted stuff, in Spanish dubs of course. They aired Aliens, Evil Dead 2, Hellraiser, Return of the Living Dead; I was amazed by how much violence they got away with. Of course they can’t air nudity or cussing, but all those decapitations & head explosions were intact, something the English speaking channels cut out. It’s weird, especially since this was the time when Janet Jackson showed boob in the superbowl & the FCC went nuts. You‘d think her tit caused a child‘s head to explode. Then Telefutura airs a few of the Texas Chainsaw sequels & the Friday The 13th films & of course, The Witches for the kids & they would air that at night every Halloween. So all them kids expecting a fun horror film with sexy Angelican Houston turning into a fucking creepy ass witch. That film still haunts me today & I keep telling myself I’m so vain with horror films. Now Telefutura, that’s a channel that’s lost its way. They went from airing cult exploitation (also dubbed in Spanish) from Cannon Films, Vestron Video, Nu Image & Carolco, to now airing bullcrap, straight to video abortions starring out of shape Steven Segull & bland action movies starring Wesley Snipes (I know, he needs the money. It‘s sad. Fun fact: Wesley wants a new Blade Sequel. I’m all for that!).
I know what most of you are thinking: “Horror movies during Halloween? Bitch please, I watch horror films year round.”
We get it, but it seems like October is that right time when watching a horror film is right. This is also the right time when stores (mainly pharmacies) bring out their cult & public domain titles for sale. Even big chain stores like ‘Target’ begin selling boxed sets of horror & sci-fi films, amongst all the copies of ‘Pitch Perfect 2’ & all those Marvel & DC mainstream films. Though those box sets are pretty freaking expensive, considering the titles in those sets, it’s marvelous to find a copy of ‘Tales From the Quadead Zone’. Thankfully it doesn’t include ‘Ax’Em’. One of theee worst horror movies ever made. Seriously, the first half of the film is made up of people (Who have nothing to do with the story) tell YoMomma jokes at some makeshift rap concert. That’s only the top of it. I went out & explored horror films I would of or never would of watched in the first place by buying those budget releases. I stumble on some beautiful works (Big Bad Wolf) & on some crap I never want to see in my life ever again (KOFF Gangs of the Dead KOFF). Binging on horror in October is great, who cares if these elitist assholes say “Why not watch them everyday?” I do watch them when I can, but watching horror on Halloween seems to fit perfectly. Just like reading a book on a rainy day, It adds a little something. People are watching the films, it’s better than not watching them at all & expecting those classics to be forgotten, then remade in dumbed down versions. That’s the Hollywood way!!!!
Looking back, the first time I went trick or treating was the time everything was right. The air was cool, everything looked gold (Like fall in a Midwestern state) & I went with family (back when they acted like it) & I had a full costume. I was dressed up as Scooby Doo (Wish I had a photo of that), why? Well you know how moms are when their kids are in that in-between phase where they’re growing up mentally, but they still look three years old. I wanted to dress up as Batman, but of course mom was the “He’s too violent, dress up as Scooby. He’s adorable.” But I was young, I had no say in the matter, all children’s opinions are always ignored. So I had my McDonalds plastic pumpkin basket, from head to toe I was Scooby (Better Scooby than Scrappy, am I right?) & the only people who could understand me were stoners with shaggy hair named Shaggy. It was Trick or Treating time & everything was so right! I forgot all the candies I got, but I got a lot. My cousins were older than me, so they were more active jumping over fences, running into haunted houses & being chased by people dressed up as Leatherface with a real chainsaw. Halloween in the 90’s was pretty freaking harsh, nowadays if you chase someone with a cardboard knife, you’ll either be shot at by police (Depending what ethnicity you are, sad truth bro.) or you’ll be put into the sex offender registry or you’ll be sued by the parents & have to pay for the child’s psychiatrist bills. I can understand people’s response, kids below the age of 7 don’t deserve to be traumatized like that. I don’t remember getting candy from specific houses, but I do remember getting candy from firefighters.
(Now if you live near a firehouse, send the kids there. They give out awesome candy, but for some reason nobody wants to go there. Firefighters know what kids want & they give out awesome sour stuff, the kind of candies you could only find in gift shops in the big cities.)
Then next place I remember was this one where some old hag was on the front yard with a coven setup. She chased a bunch of kids, I remember seeing a boy in an inflatable sumo costume running away into the horizon. I thought “Oh, maybe she just chases the big kids. I’m safe. Maybe inside that green witch makeup she’s a caring mother or grandmother. That fucking cunt started chasing me for some fucked up reason & I was deathly afraid. A little tiny boy (Back when I was sooo skinny I could hula hoop with a cheerio.) in a Scooby doo costume, being chased by some old hag in a witch costume. Let that hilarious yet fucked up image sink in. Even my mom told me that was pretty fucked up & that just pissed her off. Aw man, if that were to happen to me now, I would tear her saggy tits off with my mouth! But deep down I have to say……Thank you Witch Bitch, for scaring me as a kid & traumatizing my young self, because without that I would be a much softer person & wouldn‘t have the mindset I do now. Thank you everyone who fucked with me in my youth, because without you, I wouldn’t of had such a fucked up sense of humor & I wouldn’t be me without it. There wouldn’t be a Blogababble! Thank you.
This wouldn’t of happened if I have gotten the Batman costume I wanted.
From then on I didn’t wear a FULL costume for a number of reasons. Mom spent money on the Scooby doo costume, but after that she didn’t want to buy me a costume for some reason. I guess at that point costumes were getting ridiculously expensive & that’s when I started seeing those one note shops that pop up every October like ‘Spirits’ that rent out every empty spot in strip malls & sell Halloween related products, including costumes. Yeah, spend $50 on a costume that everyone would be wearing (Because Heath Ledger as ’The Joker’ & Harley Quinn are poopular! If you don‘t dress up as a licensed character, then you‘re a fucking asshole!) I still went trick or treating, but I wore what I call half assed hacks. I’d be wearing a black skeleton shirt with black pants & a skeleton mask from the 99cent store. that was my costume or sometimes I went out with face paint, while my younger sister dressed up as Snow White. As you can tell she got more candy than me because fucking upper middle class people! All you Desperate Housewives residents make me sick.
I remember once my neighbor (That best friend who was hella-into Halloween & horror flicks, so much so his mom sent him to live with family in Oregon.) invited me to go to the rich folk areas where rich people go over the top insane with their decorations. I remember getting there with my neighbor & his nephews. His nephew was a fucking asshole, I never liked that curly haired, pompous asshole, but his niece (older than me) was some work of art. She had nice smelling armpits, that’s all I will say about that. So my neighbor saw what I was wearing & he tells me “Really, you’re going out like that?” Then it became apparent to me that everyone else was going in full costume. I forgot what his niece was going as, but while I hated the nephew’s face, I did dig that he was going as Scorpion from the Mortal Kombat series. It was at that that moment I knew I was fucked. Then, as a symbol of commited friendship (DEEP FRIED FRIENZ) my neighbor gave me his cape (He was Dracula) to fit a sort of weird ensemble piece with a skeleton mask. I remember getting to this old woman’s door, getting however much candy from her plate & she asks me: “Who are you supposed to be?”
I was pretty freaking nervous so I believe I said it in the way of: “I’m Dracula, but after he died & someone took the stake out of his heart & now he looks ugly & that’s who I am.” I got a lot of kudos that night & it was at that moment I got the storytelling bug. Being able to come up with a story on the fly without preplanning & outlining is an accomplishment. Where’s my trophy for that?
Though I did have a great time going to rich people houses & getting some of that delicious king sized Kit Kats, there was only one reason why I wanted to go to the places my neighbor went. A house, obviously owned by a collector (He/She, I had no idea), gave out free comic books with candy. I believe in the comic book blogababble entry I wrote not too long ago, I wrote about my mom not letting me buy or not wanting to buy me comic books. In Mexico there are small, digest sized comic books (Very similar to the Archie digest comics) that are called ‘Sensasionales’ (Translation: Sensationals) that are comics targeted towards adults. They were basically comic versions of soap operas & these comics would get hella-carried away with the adult subject matter with hardcore sex & violence. I guess she saw Superman as a mass murdering rapist with X-ray vision that can fly. Well discounting the Zack Snyder depiction, we all know Superman was the opposite of that. So on that day I went in that house very excited to get free comics without my mom knowing. I tell you, we had to go inside this guy’s house following police tape & the whole home was decked out in Halloween decorations, posters of classic Sci-fi films from the 60’s & there was a life sized statuette of Spiderman (Which if I remember was a prize given out during a Burger King contest when the first Sam Raimi Spiderman film came out in 2002) & this overweight person was on an office chair with a scruffy male female voice saying “Git yer candy ‘n’ yer Kamik!” I remember getting two comics, one was a Ultimate Universe X-Men comic of that year & the next it was either another X-Men comic or a Cable comic (Then again, that might be one of the early comics I bought from the flea market with my allowance). My neighbor got the Superman comic which introduced ‘Steel’, the character who appears in the death of Superman arc & was later made into that BOX OFFICE CLASSIC starring Shaq.
I’m not kidding, Shaq is the greatest actor who lived! I’ll put that on my gravestone! I now own that copy of Superman, not the exact copy (Recently found it at the flea market for a dollar), it’s an heirloom to me.
So this house was very lynchian & I’m not exaggerating. The lights inside were in a dim hazy yellow, there were drapes around & in the exit there was a blue lit pool with a rock band playing slow jams while a couple cried & slow danced to the slow jams. It was creepy in the way that it didn’t scare me, but I never forgot the imagery I saw. All it needed was a midget who spoke backwards, some Julie Cruise & that place would be full on David Lynch.
I wonder if those folks still own the place, maybe interview the guy for the site.
I never did the whole ‘Put on the costume in school & walk in a parade for the adult’s sick enjoyment’ thing. I never understood putting on a costume to school, that’s pretty sad in my opinion. Despite that, I thought it was cool seeing teachers & staff (Except janitors & I understand why they don’t get in on it. Already sad enough they’re getting paid to clean up some kid’s vomit, why put sand in the wound by dressing up as a bannana who has to clean up bananna colored vomit) work in costume.
When a teacher dresses up, that was some hallucinatory shit right there. You got that asshole math teacher who decided for one day to dress up as a taco. If you weren’t aware of Halloween, you’d think you ate the wrong shrooms or smoked some fucked up pot. Then for some reason the very attractive teacher would wear very skimpy outfits & the school wouldn’t pay any mind. The same school that would enforce such heavy dress codes would give a free pass to the hot teachers. Let the hot teachers be free, except the ugly ones! YUEEEY!!!! To add salt to my age group’s wounds, most of you middle school & High school kids have way hotter looking teachers. Male & Female, they both look good & I’d hate to see what you all are going to post on Tumblr.
I tried dressing up back in Sophomore year & instead I got weird stares from the cholo kids. Luckily I planned the day before. Wore my ‘Adicts’ T-Shirt underneath the suit shirt & suspenders. I was (So I thought) going out as a cheaply constructed Edward Scissorhands without the scissor hands or the pale skin. You know what, looking back that was a stupid idea, so I did deserve all those weird stares. The only two people who noticed were this cool bespectacled punk rock girl I moderately talked too & a friend who gave me well deserved shit for it. I’m not great at dressing up & I’m proud of it. Despite that, High School was bipolar. One Halloween nobody would dress up, the next year everyone would be dressing up. So much so that the school newspaper dedicated an issue to the costumes. The day I came in a shitty suit was the day nobody gave a cum in the fuck. Then you got the ladies who wear the skimpy costumes & you have to ask: Did your parents not hug you enough when you were an infant? Someone must really want that much attention to dress up as a sexy bumble bee, but at the same time it’s like “Wow, you’re a sexy bumble bee, I’m not complaining.”
It was in late middle school (7th Grade to be exact) when Trick or Treating was no longer fun anymore. Part of it was attributed to the fact that I was getting older & the eerie mysticism was gone. To all you people who keep saying “You’re never too old to go trick or treating!“, listen up! I went into a house with some young kid hiding in a trashcan & would pop out to scare kids. When he popped out, I just replied simply & justly “What the fuck?” & got my candy. This was also the year the people who gave out candies were such freaking pricks about giving me candy. They gave my little sister a huge sum of candy, while I just got a piece here, a piece there & mostly got Tootsie Rolls.
(Seriously, what is up with Tootsie Rolls? Unless they’re flavored, they are thee most generic pieces of candy out there & only in Halloween are they given to children by cheap assholes. The only people who eat Tootsie Rolls are old people & starving children, like me. And let’s not forget banana flavored candy! Everyone hate’s it, except Cubans. Fried bananas are a religion over there.)
That night I remember this Megan Mullaly/ Tina Fey looking asswhipe giving me a weird stare when I went up to her house & gave me the smaller candies while the children behind me got king sized bars. Then there was a moment when I went up to the porch of a family’s house & good god, their house smelled like fucked up farts! I’m not kidding, it smelled like day old Korean food left open in an old refrigerator that has been eaten by an old person who could no longer contain their anal muscles. I remember the family in there laughing at my mask & I started feeling sad about it. “It’s not supposed to be funny, it’s supposed to scare you.” I remember at that same place there was this girl (Looked older than me & was by far taller than me) who wore a schoolgirl outfit, carried a sword & a masque. All I gotta say was I was at that age where little things like that began to go a long way for me. She looked like ‘Gogo Yubari’ from ‘Kill Bill’ with a masquerade & that’s all I’m writing. Seriously, Halloween, where girls can dress up like a male dominant fantasy & get away with it. Though with the way things have been getting recently, I think that’s changing, but I’m not complaining. Not my realm. Strong Amish women are sexy too, except when they begin yelling about god, then it’s sad.
Back to the topic, it was at that moment I knew I was growing up & as a pre-teen it’s a heartbreaking revelation that I’m sure kids that age are still experiencing, unless you‘re one of those Arianna Grande, loli type motherfuckers who are 23 but look 11. Fuck you & your everlasting youth, except Betty White. Keep on livin!
Now I just buy my own candy. That’s when Halloween just stopped. Sure, there were people my age & older than me going out to score free candy & dealing with that unfunny trope of people saying: “Aren’t you a little too old for Trick or Treating?” or “You’ll soon be too old for this you know.” That shit starts digging into your brain & become annoying earwigs.
Despite my age I love the holiday, even though I don’t celebrate it, per say. I’m not a party person & it’s alright because I don’t even get invited to dress up Halloween parties. If I did, I don’t think I would do any dressing up. That’s one thing, it’s too much work & too much time & too much money to dress up nowadays. Too much work because you gotta go to the store, spend heaven knows how much on a costume that may or may not shrink in the wash. Then you gotta put it on, go out, get a lot of stares (because apparently some people still don‘t know what Halloween is. Oh my god, is he in a costume?), then go deal with the humidity in the costume & possibly the face paint that clogs up the pores. It’s all hard & gross. I give all you cosplayers mass kudos. You spend money on fabrics, spend money on convention tickets (or more if you’re out of state), workout regiments accompanied with strict diets & deal with sweaty weebs who want to touch you because they have never seen a woman or man in their life. Mass kudos, all of you! I’d start stabbing people if I were in your position, but you guys keep a level mind during shit like that. Heroes, all of them.
Do people even come up with original costumes anymore? I’ve heard way too many horror stories of people not getting a person’s costume because they thought it was based on some licensed character. I bet you if I decided to stitch up some weird insignias on a leather jacket that all are references to fictional space programs & put on a holster on my leg with a plastic laser gun, people would be saying “I love your Han Solo costume.” I wasn’t trying to be Han Solo, I just wanted to be a circa 1983 space jockey.
Originality & the DIY aspect of Halloween needs to come back again. I remember my older sister (Back when I had seriously mass vanity issues) went out to her friend’s Halloween party dressed up as a character from the romance comics of the 1960’s with the dot matrix colored face. She had a word bubble that said “How could a man have cheated on me?” with a fake tear drawn on. If she could do it, anybody can. I’m unsure how many people understood her costume. Sometimes people are stupid, they don’t understand a costume, start questioning its functionality & style while they’re all dressed up as the popular movie character. Do we need any more Eric Dravens running around in clown makeup & black trench coats?
(Challenge: Dress up as Pasquel from ‘He Came Tumbling Over’ with the Technicolor trench coat. Man, woman, I don’t care. Please, fans & send pics to Tumblr & Twitter & maybe Facebook)
What pisses me off is when I was a kid (Been living in this apartment since childbirth. Yup.) the manager said he didn’t want trick or treaters roaming around the place for one reason: At the time there were elderly people living here, so of course to avoid heart attacks caused by some kid’s realistic gore makeup.
One time I was at home alone, watching some Friday The 13th on TV & then I hear this knock on my door.
“TWIK OHH TWEET!!!”
It was children & never have I felt like shit when I lowered the volume, hid away from the windows & thought to myself “I should have bought a baggie of chocolates for such an occasion.” I felt so bad, next year I bought bags of candy & what happens next? Nobody shows up, not even the manager to say “Hey, you can now give kids candy because old farts don’t live here anymore!” I was even willing to give away free comics (The shitty ones. I’m not handing over my Adventures of Superman #463 to anyone), but no trick or treaters came that night. I spent that Halloween watching some sitcom (The Middle, I think. It wasn’t even a Halloween episode. It was an episode where they were at Disneyland, because that‘s appropriate viewing for the Halloween night!), eating 3 Musketeers & feeling disappointed in myself. I wasn’t even thinking about leaving a bowl outside with a poster saying ‘Take One’ because we all know how fucking greedy the human race is, even as children. The cholos would of gotten hold of the bowl before the kids & would of never returned the bowl..
I remember around 2009 or 2008, nobody gave out free candy & there weren’t any kids outside in costume. Why? The economy crashed that year & around this time everyone was pulling that “It’s because of the economy, times are tough.” quote. It got so annoying, even Buster used that in an episode of ‘Arthur‘ & this was around that time the show slowly began to suck. That saying was annoying & has now lost all it’s meaning because everyone used it so much. I just remember that being a weird time in the late 2000’s.
To wrap it up, I no longer get as excited for Halloween as I did as a child, but I like its presence. Unlike Thanksgiving, Christmas & Birthdays which make me feel like shit, Halloween is like that grandparent who let‘s you do whatever you want & let‘s you order pizza. I love the way people get on Halloween, they get crazy but not too crazy. Costumes & masks galore, the golden look of it all & the special snacks that only appear on October. Candy corn, gummy eyeballs & pumpkin pie. No no, not that bullshit ‘HASHTAG Pumpkin Spice’ bullcrap. REAL MOTHERFUCKING CINNAMONY PUMPKIN WITH CRUST & TOP WITH WHIP CREAM pie. Despite living in ghetto Califnornia, I love seeing on the News the parties that are held in West Hollywood or even in Hugh Hefner‘s mansion. It’s like watching the goth gay pride parade & it’s FFFFAAABBUULLLOOUUUSSS!!! Alright, I sounded like a fruit there….it was intentional!! Only in October, only in October.
I hate the fact that we still have those puritanical assholes that like to pass out pamphlets on Halloween to ‘SAVE THE CHILDREN!’ because they can’t handle the fact that there are people out there getting excited for a holiday that isn’t Christmas or Easter. I remember getting those Jack Chick comics from religious people on Halloween. Being the weirdo I was I thought “Yay, comics! Wait up, why are people going to hell for entering a haunted house or playing Dungeons & Dragons?” I didn’t understand the point of those comics at the time, my mom threw them away along with my non-religious comics. Sad. The weird thing was then there would be Churches who would put up haunted houses, go balls out nuts with the decorations & even put up video games! I always dug those places & everyone was welcome. I always dug that, but of course once they began handing out applications, it was all too clear that you’re Hansel or Gretel & religion is the witch.
Changing topics here, I’m past five pages here & I’m going overtime with this entry.
REAL LIFE HORROR STORIES
If you get scared, I did my job. If you don’t, I at least hope you’re entertained.
I remember as a kid it was way past bedtime, or I believe at that moment I was able to stay up late. It was a weekend & I was with my older sister & the cousins outside. I remember seeing in the street a Jack in the Box man standing in the middle of the street. With a huge head & skinny body, it was the Jack in the Box man. It was freaking creepy & of course nobody believed me. I was a kid. I had no idea whether I was hallucinating or what, but the Jack in the Box man was there, standing underneath the orange streetlights.
I remember going with my parents to some supermarket at night. So we would drive to the Supermarket on a school night & on the trip there we would pass a power plant in the distance. One time there was this glowing oval shape hanging above it which looked like a UFO. Every time we went to the supermarket at night, I would see that ufo that was never there before. I would return home & wash that scary image out of my head by watching reruns of ‘Married With Children.’ Spending most of a childhood wondering if there was life in other planets & watching films like ‘Independence Day’, you would get freaked out too. With the Jack in the Box man, I would assume that was just some big headed man walking the streets, but I have no clue what that thing hovering above the power plant was. I wondered if it really was a UFO or not. This experience also reminds me of that time I was sleeping in my bed & a bunch of thin white glowing hands began reaching into the bed as they tried to grab me. Then again that may have been a dream, but it felt all too real to be a dream.
On that same token, I remember once after a football game me aired (Super bowl, probably), Fox aired a special episode of ‘Cops’. All of you know of that early reality show with what else, cops doing cop things. Well, this episode was one where Mulder & Scully from the X-Files were special guests & working with cops hunting down monsters. Imagine a typical Cops episode with monsters & aliens. Me & my older sister were too damn fucking scared to watch that episode, all I remember was Mulder & Scully talking to a frightened Mexican woman saying she saw a Chupacabra. They made that shit believable & it started to make me question whether X-Files really was a scripted show. I remember trying to tell friends what I saw & they didn’t believe me. I was starting to think that was some rogue broadcast that was never meant to see the light of day. Maybe the government was trying to hide the existence of aliens.
Luckily, there’s proof of that special.
So one time my friend came knocking on my door, telling me to follow him somewhere. Now at this time I had no freaking idea what he wanted me to see. If was from my neighbor so it was either a water damaged issue of Hustler, a picture of an unmasked Rey Mysterio on the internet or some final boss from a video game he’d been killing himself over. So he takes me through the alleyway full of rocks & destroyed wood. We get to this spot where a bunch of kids huddled around the back of a dumpster. I had no clue what was there, that was until I saw it. A cat skeleton, it was a car skeleton without the meat, the blood or the organs. Either it was a cat or a dog, it was a WTF moment for me. An animal skeleton that looked licked clean & it was behind a dumpster! I had no clue who did this & I wanted to know. Part of me thought it was :a Chupacabra. My neighbor’s younger niece took the skeleton cat home (My neighbor’s parents had more than 200 kids or something. His mom was a freek in the sheets!) & I had no idea if she still has it or not. That story is true, I swear on big macs.
So that does it for this one & only Halloween episode of Blogababble, that is unless I begin to get more ideas for other Halloween centric blog entries. What did we learn today?
-I don’t love Halloween as much as I did as a kid, but I love the holiday & everything that comes from it.
-KTLA in California used to be cool.
-My first ever costume was a Scooby from Scooby Doo. Better Scooby than Scrappy, am I right?
-Witches are bitches & I’ll tear their saggy tits off their chest!
-When you get too old for Halloween, the realization hits you in the ovaries.
-Originality & DIY needs a comeback in costumes
and finally
-Creepy shit exists.
Thank you so much for joining me on this very special episode. Halloween is awesome, but I’m not as active as I was back in the day. If you got kids, take them out Trick or Treating. Unless you want to give heart attacks to old folks, don’t go to the old folks homes. I bet you there are a ton of foreigners reading this thinking “What is Halloween? You people are crazy.”
This Halloween there will be an All New episode of ‘The Woman Lost in the City of Gods & Devils’ if you got nothing going on that night.
See you next time, we might get angry & ranty next time. I’ll be going out with a stake, knife & machine gun. I’m hunting witches, bitch!
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http://blcktime-epress.tumblr.com/
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https://soundcloud.com/blacktime-e-press
Email:
blacktime.epress@aol.com
So that does it for this one & only Halloween episode of Blogababble, that is unless I begin to get more ideas for other Halloween centric blog entries. What did we learn today?
-I don’t love Halloween as much as I did as a kid, but I love the holiday & everything that comes from it.
-KTLA in California used to be cool.
-My first ever costume was a Scooby from Scooby Doo. Better Scooby than Scrappy, am I right?
-Witches are bitches & I’ll tear their saggy tits off their chest!
-When you get too old for Halloween, the realization hits you in the ovaries.
-Originality & DIY needs a comeback in costumes
and finally
-Creepy shit exists.
Thank you so much for joining me on this very special episode. Halloween is awesome, but I’m not as active as I was back in the day. If you got kids, take them out Trick or Treating. Unless you want to give heart attacks to old folks, don’t go to the old folks homes. I bet you there are a ton of foreigners reading this thinking “What is Halloween? You people are crazy.”
This Halloween there will be an All New episode of ‘The Woman Lost in the City of Gods & Devils’ if you got nothing going on that night.
See you next time, we might get angry & ranty next time. I’ll be going out with a stake, knife & machine gun. I’m hunting witches, bitch!
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/BlackTimeEPress/
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/BlacktimeEPress
Tumblr:
http://blcktime-epress.tumblr.com/
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/blacktime-e-press
Email:
blacktime.epress@aol.com