So, on to today’s topic: Everything That Happened While I Was Busy Bitching!
But first, a word from our sponsors.
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KIM JEONG POO CAN’T TAKE A HINT
Hey, look at who’s back in the news! It’s Kim Jeong Poo (Un)!!!!Where has that fat tub of custard gone these past months?
So he’s hitting the headlines again, this time banning sarcasm. Yea, like that’s going to work. I wasn’t being sarcastic. This brings up a question, so it was legal before? Think about it, this man has banned everything that makes his people happy. They’re all fucking sad up in there!! Personally, I’m surprised Kim Jeong Poo didn’t ban sarcasm earlier, seeing how he always has to compensate for his shortcomings. So, why did he ban sarcasm? Because Kim Jeong Poo is worried people aren’t taking his speeches & ideals seriously. Apparently North Korea has a sarcastic meme of their own. Whereas here in America we say “Thanks a lot, Obama.” even thought it isn’t his fault. They have “It’s all America’s Fault.” which has suddenly begun to annoy Kim. Yes, Kim Jeong Poo… You know what? I’m going to stop calling Kim Jeong Poo, that’s too much of a kind nickname for him. From this point on, I’m calling him ‘Little Dick Wasp’. Seriously, for someone who sells himself as an icon for the country, the leader that his followers wouldn’t mind selling their children to, the guy who can fly a huge ass passenger aircraft & drive a tank (Don‘t let the gratuitous editing trick you. He is Jesus Christ). For a guy who sells himself as all those things, he’s such a fucking pussy. Seriously! He’s all: “I’m gonna destroy capitalizm!!!!” then after someone calls him a toff (It’s a british word, don’t ask me what it means) he’s all “You triggered me! I’m banning words now because I’m not a big enough man to deal with someone calling me things!” Don’t get your assless chaps in a bunch ya big wuss.
Those of you who know me too well, or have been here since the beginning of Blogababble’s maturity, know I’m paranoid when it comes to global matters & shit that may affect us all. So earlier, before this news story took place, there were all these articles on my Facebook feed saying “North Korea Ready To Go To War With USA!” Typically my response would have been something of the nature of “WE ALL GONNA DIE!!! DITCH THE DRAFT!!!! I’M GOING POSTALL!!!!!!” I read the title again, noticed this wasn’t the Ukraine, but North Korea. My reaction here: “Bitch, please!”
North Korea talks a lot, but they’re too stupid & poor to do anything. They still use 1970’s Sonar tech for their ‘guided missiles’ & probably rely on constellations to lead them to a location.
So to end this, Little Dick Wasp is one of thee most hilarious dictators of our time. Second place goes to Castro because every time I see him on the news smoking a Cuban cigar, it looks like he toking on a log of poo. Hahahah!!!! Me & my lo brow humor. Also, he’s in bed & he looks like a deformed grandma!
So this past week there has been one news story that has been of great importance, but only one got more media coverage than the other. This is gonna be an easy one for you guys, guess which one got more attention: ‘The Football player who refused to stand up during the national anthem to protest racism & injustice’ or was it ‘Native Americans protesting a planned pipeline that would basically shit all over the drinking water for ‘The Standing Rock Sioux’.
I bet you already know which got more media attention, unless you’re living in an abandoned military shelter in the Ukraine.
Unlike the other times this has happened where two completely different issues were occurring & the media reported on the current affair that is (in their words) marketable, this is one of those moments where I wish they would also report on the pipeline protest. The football protest isn’t some cheap media whore plot to distract attention, unlike that time when the Syrian gas attacks (Which I must repeat, would have begun World War III) was shamefully ignored because the mainstream news outlets were busy talking about Miley Cyrus’ flatbread footlong sub ass & tongue thing! Racism is still an issue & will continue being an issue until the old farts stop calling people ‘Kykes’ & burning crosses on lawns. Same goes to these unwanted pipelines, as long as America keeps on repressing progress, our cars will continue running on oil & gas & continue raping mother earth with dick shaped pipelines for that black gold. I WANT DUH GUZZOLENE!!!! Sorry, been watching ‘The Road Warrior’ recently. It’s 2016, yet America is still fucking with Native Americans. What the fuck, they’ve had enough bullshit, leave them alone. What have they done? Seriously, this is pissing me off.
In a similar topic, anyone watch that clay mated Canadian cartoon ‘Wapos Bay’? That show is dank.
And now we get to the more entertainment based current affairs here.
I PHON SEVN
There’s a new I-Phone out, ‘Sigh’ & I’m not mad because guess what? Everyone else is mad!!! Oh good god, society has woken up & looked through the green curtains!!! No one is digging the new Iphone for one reason & one reason only. Headphone jacks! This new, streamlined, up to date, out of the assembly line in China phone has no headphone jack. One little thing & all of society got woke as fuck!!! Halleluiah!!! Hallleluiah!!! Halleluiah, Halleluiah!! Al la la ding dong gay!!!!!!
Headphone jacks are essential to modern society, they keep awkward conversations away. Seriously, you don’t know the many times I haven’t brought my PSP to listen to music & had to engage listen to people talk about their depressing lives. When all is going great one day with a smile on the face is all of a sudden stabbed & curb stomped when some random dude decides to tell you about his divorce. Way to crash my vibes, bitch.
When Steve Jobs owned the joint, there was at least big innovations with every I-Phone model that came out. They were being released one by one every year or so, but this new guy is fucking up the apple brand. How to get our delusional young people to get our newest model? Wireless headphones! So small you can stick them up a booty hole or a vagina & they can be easily lost & they cost an arm, a leg and your mom’s soul. Seriously, who thought this was a great idea? This is why I don’t buy apple & never understood you idiots who wait outside the Apple store to get that cellphone. Did most of you forget? It’s a cellphone! Seriously, with all the video playback, mp3 & internet connection, we all forgot we could call our grandmas anywhere you are & be surveillenced by government.
Sometime later this year I’ll talk about this Cellphone culture we’re living in, & believe me, I’ve been wanting to talk about that for a while now.
So, I hear ‘Ghostbusters’ was a huge ass hit. Oh my god, I’m orgasming myself by how great this films is, even though I never saw it or aren’t planning to see it! Ahhhhh! All the headlines saying this movie is a modern cinematic classic!! Move, bitch! Get out the way Citizen Kane!!!
Alright, I’m exaggerating here, the movie actually failed. May have made money worldwide, but it failed here in the states. Thus brings me to the topic, Hollywood & Sony has been (Knowingly) covering up the fact that the new ‘Ghostbusters’ was shit, explaining why copies of the video game adaptation (which also sucks) contained a code for a ‘Free’ digital copy of the new Ghostbusters film when it is released on home video. That happened. There have been countless articles from websites I dig (AV Club) that have all said the new Ghostbusters wasn’t as bad as everyone thought it would be, some even saying it is better than the original (Dan Akroyd). Then as the film left theaters, the hate came out & that’s pretty fucking crazy & scary. Sony & Paul Fieg got criticism by the balls & they used a group of people to ignorantly defend them. That is some deviously well planned Lex Luthor shit right there. At the end of the day the film was basically ‘Bridesmaids’ with ghosts, proton packs & a nutshot at the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man, except it didn’t have the running shits in bridal gowns. I’m not mad unlike all the “They ruined my thin shelled childhood!” people, unless they remake the sequel with the walking statue of liberty. I was raised off that movie, didn’t see the first one until high school. I love that sequel, it’s not terrible, trust me. It may be a rehash, but it’s a fun rehash.
What other over hyped movie critically failed this year? Oh yeah, Suicide Squad, but it made money. This film has divided the comic book community in half. People are saying it’s crap & it was the worst film ever made, others say it’s fun in the way of if you gave an exploitation film director 90million dollars to make whatever the fuck they wanted. That quote alone gave me an interest. Well, turns out the original cut of the film was much darker than what was presented in theaters & the running time went above two hours.
So let’s get this straight here, all throughout the film’s post production & promotion they were telling us this was going to be theee most edgy & harsh super villain movie to come out. Oh yeah, the movie was soooo edgy, there had to be therapists on set to handle the emotional troubles the cast might be getting through from such a harsh as fuck movie. There were movies before this that had real stuntmen doing way more harsher shit than Will Smith firing a gun.
“Pew pew. Ohh my, pulling the trigger gave me PTSD. I‘m not comfortable because I‘m Will Smith & I forgot when I was a symbol of quality.”
“WE’LL FIX IT IN POST!”
Either this was just a marketing plot to get all the eager nerds hyped, or the film really was dark & harsh, but those ‘harsh’ scenes were cut.
Let’s get to the elephant in the room, The Yoker. The Joker was the pivotal element of selling & making this film. Jared Leto is running out in public testing out his Joker laugh, he’s being fucked up pranking the cast because he thought that’s what the Joker did in the comics. I wanna know what Batman comic he was reading where The Joker sent used condoms, dildos, dead animals & was getting fellatio from Harley Quinn, because that sounds right up my alley for fucked up reading material. After all that, he has a fart’s length of screen time, most of it taking place in flashback sequences. That’s just fucked up. I don’t get Warner Bros’ thinking here; they’re setting themselves up as the darker, edgy, reflecting the New 52 DC comics, but at the same time they’re the ones who said “We need to reshoot this film & postpone the date because it’s too scary.”
DC is trying too damn hard to win over the Marvel crowd, but they continue failing with every attempt to imitate Marvel & the way they established their cinematic universe.
Picture this, in the 90’s Marvel & DC shared the same prison cell & they both watched their backs during their sentence. Cut to 2016, Marvel & Disney are skiing together, doing some figure skating moves & laughing together. DC is trying too hard to make a jump, but ends up breaking his legs & mouth.
“Helllp me, Marvel.” gurgled DC as his mouth filled with blood.”
“Who’s that guy?” asked Disney as she pushed her head onto Marvel’s chest.
“Don’t worry about him.” replies Marvel. “He’s just a nobody.”
That’s the comic industry/ super hero movie industry in a nutshell. Even though I’m so burnt out over superhero movies, I’m routing for Marvel & their films. Can’t wait till ‘Valiant’ makes a movie. Wonder when that will be or what it will be. Hopefully they can do ‘Bloodshot’ or ‘Archer & Armstrong’.
Hopefully Suicide Squad will pull a ‘Batman V Superman’ & end up releasing an extended cut & maybe that version would be better.
And for the last story of the day.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh my goddddddd, we live in beautiful times. Despite all the political turmoil & the threat of both a nuclear & intellectual annihilation, we all find a solace on the world wide web. Little things make us smile like a new episode of ‘The Cinema Snob’ or a picture of a puppy. Those are things we expect from the internet along with cat videos, heartwarming videos of old people holding hands & fat people falling down stairs, but nobody expected the magical hilarity that are the Arthur Memes.
I’m not going to explain the series, all of you who read this blog know what Arthur is, or know of him. Just like every other cartoon released in the 90’s up till the 2000’s, they have a meme & a schtick for that meme. That fat kid from ‘Jimmy Neutron’ (forgot his name. Was never a Jimmy Neutron fan as a kid) has the croissant gag, Spongebob’s gag pretty much pokes fun at or offends everything. What do the Arthur memes have going for it? Hilariously out of place & sexually suggestive dialogue accompanied by screenshots that fit perfectly with the text.
Here are a few, enjoy:
Along with this renaissance, we get mass feedback from around the word, including the people responsible for producing the Arthur series, WGBH Boston. Their expression is more of dissaproval than of the typical internet reaction of “TAKE IT ALL DOWN OR I‘M TELLING!” You can’t ask the whole of the internet to take something down & expect everyone to follow suit, that’s the way it is. While ‘WGBH Boston’ doesn’t like the specific memes featuring raunchy humor, they are glad people who watched the show as kids have a new rekindled interest. So at the end of the day it’s all good with WGBH & the memes. The only person that has yet to comment is the creator of the show & books, Marc Brown. Don’t be fooled by the “Marc Brown Says Black People Need To Die” headline, that’s a fake article.
This phenomena has pretty much given me hope & hopefully there will be a huge surge of ‘Caillou’ memes. There out there, but it should be an avalanche of Caillou memes & it should cause Adrian Foster (That dude who wanted to outlaw Cailou) to have a hilarious rant. This needs to happen.
I guess that does it for today. So what have we learned this installment:
-North Korea is a ho
-Media Manipulation is a ho
-Apple is a ho
-Ghostbusters & DC are a ho
-Arthur Memes is a symbol of hope.
With that said, have a great day. I have no idea what I’ll be working on next, but expect a lot with the brand.