Joan Rivers died, we lost another good one. She was the reason why that stupid show ‘The View’ was worth watching. Whenever she guest starred on that show, you could tell it was going to mess with everyone. She was the queen of comedy, she is the very definition of what standup should be and also paved the way for other standup comediennes. Stand up comedy is a war zone, no one is safe from being turned into a joke. She was one of the greats from the golden age & I am going to miss her. Though I never watched her ‘Fashion Police’ thing because I have a normal functioning brain, I did watch her in the ‘Comedy Central Roast’ & my god, she always had something funny to say when she was roasting or was getting roasted. Joanne Rivers’ face died at the age of 30, but the rest of her died at the age of 81.
Well, that’s not the only lovable thing that died today, and this next paragraph I’m pretty much going to alienate the foreign parts of the world & the people who don’t stay home on Saturday mornings. September 27, the Satuday morning block ‘Vortexx’ is no more & this is what is officially the final nail in the coffin which killed what’s known as traditional Saturday Morning Cartoons in network television (Unless some kind & handsome man steps in & fills the niche, please?). So yeah, what was the last of the last in network television is gone, all because of one man, one evil man who shall not succeed in his plan to make kids into emotionless zombies who don‘t have fun, Dave Morgan. Just like Bonnie Hammer did to Sci-Fi Channel, Dave Morgan is the reason why all of us poor kids no longer can see Saturday morning cartoons on their favorite television station; now they show nothing but a bland package of mediocre family programming. To put it short, they’re the reason why ‘4Kids, Kids WB, ABC Kids & all the fun little kids cartoon blocks are gone. Though we can’t just blame one person, we should blame a huge collection of unfun assholes such as The FCC (The guys that want to make the internet into a bland sespool like television), Advertisers (All their money is going towards Cable Programming and the internet), Streaming (But also streaming is the reason why we can still watch all of our favorite cartoons. It’s is both a boon and a bane) and of course creativity’s annoying enema, whoops! I meant to say ‘enemy,’ Censorship’s bitch, PARENTS. Why let them keep their kids from watching television, when they can let the GOVERNMENT do it for them.
I know what some of you are thinking right now, “Why is this 21 year old guy talking about kids cartoons? Isn’t he a little too old to be watching kids cartoons? Kids cartoons are lame.” Well, when the world of adulthood is full of shit, Obama breaking his promises, everyone has overly high expectations of you, everything on television is either trying to sell to you or preach to you & stress keeps piling up to your neck, then the last resort for me is pretty much watching cartoons. There is no guilt, nor there should be guilt for watching kids programs, it just means we’re young at heart & those same people who bash people like me for still watching ‘Tellitubbies’ are gonna die from stress & shit because they grew up too quick, raising kids, paying the bills & being nagged at by the significant other. Why bother to grow up too quick when you can relax & take your time. Granted, I don’t like all kids shows, but the ones I like are the ones that have good quality. The newer episodes of ‘Arthur’ are slowly diminishing their quality, but I truly dig ‘Digimon Fusion’ and ‘Curious George (Hahahahah!!! Funny monkeh!!). The news of the death of Saturday Mornings won’t affect rich people with cable, but like I said the last time I talked about Litton, I feel bad for the poor kids that can’t afford premium cable packages. I have cable, but it’s the ‘Below Basic’ package. My parents chose that cable package where practically every channel is Paid Programming or a religious channel & the only good channels I get are preview channels that last a month as well as Cinemax. Thank god for the internet & YouTube, or else I would have gone on a murderous rampage, taking out every single Television & or computer monitor. Because “If I can’t be entertained, NO ONE CAN!”
A tradition that had begun in the 50’s & 60’s has come to an end, & we can all blame & make effigies out of the FCC & Dave Morgan & his Litton bullshit company. It’s like watching a fat baldheaded douche in a business suit kill your best friend, laugh, then leave after farting on your friend’s dead body. This pisses me off like you wouldn’t believe because a piece of practically half of everyone’s childhood is gone and this isn’t really getting the attention it should deserve. I was raised off both the afternoon cartoons and the Saturday morning cartoons, the young child in me died. If the FCC really wants our youth to be exposed to educational programming, then I say they should bring back ‘Afterschool Specials’. To those younger (and believe me, there are young readers reading this below the age of 12), Afterschool specials are mini-films that last an hour that deal with serious topics such as Drugs or Alcoholism or even Dating. They aren’t as preachy or silly as you think, they’re well written and pretty good. Also I’ve seen a lot of now A-list actors in some after school specials, I saw one about drunk driving featuring ‘Val Kilmer’ as a drunk teen & one where (I can tell all you fan girls are going to flock to this one) Kyle McLauchlan as a gay teen who lifts weights.
And now back to the topic!
I know I should not harshly judge this ‘One Magnificent Morning‘ broadcast without watching what they have to offer. Let‘s see what this morning block has to offer for our youth of today!!:
Expidition Wild: Too lazy to go out & explore the wilderness, some bitch is going to replace a cartoon just so she can show you a pine tree. Will she attempt to swallow it? I WISH. Will she come across a mountain lion, attempt to tame it but then get eaten alive while the camera man records? I HOPE.
Dog Whisperer Family Edition: I like dogs, but wasn’t the show on ‘Discovery Channel’ already family friendly? Seriously? Cesar Romero, oh wait that’s not his name, White haired guy doesn’t need another show!! He gets paid to whisper to dogs who don’t care!!! This is POINTLESS!!!! All I see in this show is a lazy family that can’t control their dog so they hire the corporation’s ideal Latino who looks like a rejected gay extra from an indie film to whisper to dogs. NEXT! Also there’s that stupid bald hipster guy who whispers to cats, he needs to shove his toes into his nose.
Rock in the Park: Too lazy to explore national parks? Watch this. Isn’t this ‘Expidition Wild’ but with a man? What the holy shit fuck!!!! Hey feminists, this ‘Casey Anderson’ (The host for ‘Rock in the Park’) guy says he can do a better job than any of you women. I say you attack him, he’s triggering a gender war. He does not represent me as a kind male, he represents all that is wrong with the male dominant society, Kick him in the nuts and abort his show!!!!
The Brady Barr Show: Brady Bunch? I saw the synopsis for this & all I have to say is ‘STEVE IRWIN DID IT BETTER!!!’ Those who cross Steve Irwin will be crossed themselves. You do not outdo what Steve Irwin did in the 90’s. If you want to pick up dangerous animals and call yourself a hero, then be my guest. Darwinism will kick your ass in the long run.
Dr.Pol: The show is about treating farm animals. I live in the center of a Suburb and Ghetto, the ‘Suburbinghetto’ is what I call it. WHERE THE FUCK AM I GOING TO TREAT A FARM ANIMAL?! Oh wait, I have pigs here, of course they’re called my two sisters.
BA DUM TCH!!!
America’s Flavors: I like cooking, but I can just get myself a cookbook or use the internet to show me how to boil water. Anyways when it comes to cooking shows, I’m a ‘Giada De Laurentis’ and a ‘Nigella Lawson’ kind of guy, as well as ’Gordon Ramsey’. I do enjoy british people calling idiot ’Mercans a donkey. To hell with whoever the host of this show is. Oh, I forgot, Julia Child kicks ass too.
Taste of Home: Another mediocre and bland sounding cooking show. JULIA FUCKING CHILD DID IT BETTER. In order to have a good cooking show, you have to have a chef who looks attractive, knows how to cook and explains what he/she’s cooking in the simplest way ever. Also ‘Katy Ashworth’ knows how to cook. Okay, I’ll stop name dropping good TV chefs. …………..Two old fat ladies!
Relucantly Healthy: This show is not about cooking, but it’s about how you can stay healthy on the go. Here’s some common knowledge, WALK TO WORK OR SCHOOL YOU LAZY FUCK!!! This is one of those shows that wouldn’t be greenlit if people weren’t idiots. Use your common knowledge people!!!!
SWAG: Oh my god, I think I’m going to induce vomiting because this sounds like a messed up way to torture the young generation. Hey kids, YOLO, FML, TIT, POOP. Hey, bro-mantic getaway!! Adults trying to connect to kids makes me sick. Just stop, just stop, just stop just stop just stop……………if you open your mouth I will cripple you. When will people learn that when you try hard to connect to the youth of today, you end up making a fool of yourselves. This is like a theater group rapping about the dangers of drugs. It won’t make kids run away from drugs, but make them take drugs because they want to forget about that performance they endured through.
And finally, Social Media Mania: (Drops keyboard) I’m done. I am so fucking done.
Future generations will no longer experience what it is to wake up early in a day with no school with a shit load of choices on what to watch on a free Saturday Morning. I was depressed when stations pulled off their Weekday Morning & Weekday Afternoon cartoon blocks, but this bites the cake. Hopefully some channel decides to feed the niche of kids who want to watch programming that is pure fun & not educational. I do believe that kids need to be educated in stuff and school’s today aren’t doing with all the standardized testing; but the issue is still at hand here, kids need time to have fun and play outside & be entertained with mindless cartoons. I’ve always been against parents who have lent their kids or bought their kids ‘I-Pads’ and android devices, this is one of those times where I encourage parents to let them use such devices & not watch that ‘One Magnificent Saturday’ crap. I am all for whatever you choose to do with your kids if you don’t make them watch that bland Litton crap (as long as it‘s legal). As for all of us Manchilds & Femmechilds, we have the internet, we got a massive library of beautiful and nostalgic things to entertain ourselves with. Don’t support Litton and don’t support the FCC since they’re not supporting us. The FCC should not be in charge of what occurs in the TV, nor should they be in charge of the internet, which is why I urge you to stop them from fully killing ‘Net Neutraility’. Vote, sign, call the congressman.
I got that out of the way, what’s next? Oh, yeah, Obama launched an attack against ISIS using and air strike. Obama, what were you before you were a president? A civil rights lawyer! Hypocrisy, hypocrisy everywhere!!! I’m soooo showered in hypocrisy right now, I need twelve towels to dry myself off. So, he calls in an air strike, these American jets begin to drop bombs in a certain area where they believe ISIS is hiding and walk away home, yelling ‘HOORAH’ and go fucking the trophy wife. Um, has there been any confirmation on how many people were killed from this said airstrike? Let’s see, type in google, dum dee dum dee! Yeah, let’s just say those bombs aren’t magical bombs that only kill bad people and leave the good people unharmed. And of course the Senate republicans are out there, calling Obama an asshole yet they wouldn’t be saying that if a republican president were to do the same thing. Also the military is now exempt from claiming civillian deaths, HOORAH TO FUCKING HELL. I’m all for abolishing ISIS for their bullshit stuff they’re doing to their own people, they’re raping a culture with their extremist bullshit and killing innocents but here’s my question, how will killing a bunch of innocents solve this? This whole air strike shit seems like a stupid thing, like a pissing contest. MY STREAM IS LONGER THAN YOURS!! Obama, eat shit. Oh wait, we shouldn’t be calling him ‘Barrack Obama’, we should be calling him ‘Barrack W. Bush’. It’s official.
Recently there’s all this ‘Hubub’ on Raven Symone and her little interview with Oprah Winfrey. I’m not a fan of Oprah, I’m a fan of her generosity which now has become a joke amongst this cynical society. “You’re all gonna get a free baaaaaabyyyyy, you’ll get a free baby. You get a free baby!” but I swear, whenever she interviews someone, she always has to outdo the person who tells her their sob story. Oprah, choke on a broom you egomaniac! So anyways, Raven admits that she doesn’t like labeling, alright. In a race sensitive world we should get behind that. We should not characterize someone by their ethnicity or culture, but of who they are as a person. She says she’s a human being, like everyone here. I’m human, you’re human, we’re all human, but I myself, am guilty of being human. What really triggered the whole news is when Raven said that she didn’t want to be labeled as an African American, but to be labeled as just an ‘American.’ When people hear that, they automatically will yell ‘Traitor to the race’. Though she admitted she did not know where in Africa her roots originated from. She’s a rich girl, she could either A: Do her research or B: Hire someone to do the research for her. I do understand what Raven Symone is trying to say, we as a society have quit judging and relying on labels. Although I don’t agree with her “I’m not an African American” statement, it’s just an opinion. It’s her opinion and we as a whole shouldn’t be bitching because one person said something not everyone will agree with. An opinion is an opinion and if you can’t handle what one person says than you are weak. All I have to say now is….That’s So Raven!!!! Also she’s cute, lay off that cute girl. Her opinion sounds kinda stupid, but at least she’s not annoying like these T-Bag Tea-partiers & idiot Republicans that talk about how rape is punishment and how America is a Christian nation. Thank god Raven isn’t an idiot, or a conservative. You go girl.
I’m sure all of you readers have seen the film ‘UP’ and how everyone says that the first 10 minutes of the flick will make you cry. I’m sorry, I know everyone has different things that make them tick but I didn’t cry at that scene. It’s sad of course, but not sad enough for me to cry my guts out. Sure, call me a stone cold asshole you pussy. Recently I saw a film on one of those cable channels called ‘Epix Drive-in’ where they air a bunch of exploitation films, the kind that ‘Quinten Tarantino’ was INSPIRED (stole) to make his own films. Occasionally they’ll air a mainstream film that always makes me yell “That’s not a grind house/ exploitation. WTF!” So one day I watched this flick called ‘Orca’ and it’s about a killer whale that goes on the hunt for a fisherman that killed it’s lover. So there’s this Italian supermodel looking woman who is studying these killer whales and is asked by some drunk brit about what these killer whales are capable of, so he can hunt them down and collect the money that they‘re worth. In the meantime we see beautiful underwater scene of the killer whales swimming while harp music plays in the background. Then there’s the scene that fucked me up for a week. So these asshole fisherman go to sea and are psyched to catch the killer whale. The female killer whale is swimming like a synchronized swimmer. Then these asshole fisherman shoot tranquilizers at the poor thing. This scene is fucking harsh for a PG film, the killer whale starts freaking out and trying to kill herself by swimming into the propeller & squealing like mad. Then the fucking fishermen catch the thing and bring it to the boat, but as soon as all seems well, SPOILER/ TWIST HERE: This scene is almost as similar to ‘Alien’ here. We (as the audience) find out that the female killer whale was pregnant in the most fucked up way ever imagined. The killer whale’s baby fetus just plops out of her, all bloody and dead. OH my fucking god, that scene fucked me up and depressed me. So yeah, to all you who say that the 10 minute sequence from ‘UP’ is brutal and harsh, you ain’t seen nothing yet. So to all you parents, want to keep your kids from mental scarring or you want to be a dick & scare the kids, ORCA is the flick.
I don’t normally go for disturbing films, I watch films to have fun and smile, that’s why I watch flicks like ‘Tango and Cash’ and if I just want to see people get what’s coming to them with a dramatic story, I’ll watch ‘First Blood’. All in all I watch what I want to watch. Did you know that ‘Cry-Baby’ was directed by John Waters? I had no clue, when I saw a few scenes I thought it was directed by some guy who just loved the 50’s a lot. The film wad kinda clean, but I still enjoyed it, though it’s a huge stretch from ‘Pink Flamingos’. All hail the King of trash and don’t kill pregnant killer whales.
The Simpsons/ Family Guy crossover…..It was crap. That was thee most unfunny, boring and stupid crossover I’ve ever seen. To quote comic book guy, ‘Worst Episode Ever’ but in my words, WORST SEASON EVER. I don’t watch Family Guy and Simpsons anymore, their humor went from intelligent to absurd and bland. I hope ‘Bobs Burgers’ stays funny, that’s the only show I’m excited for every Sunday. I expected the crossover to be funny since Family Guy is nothing but a Simpsons clone and work jokes over that, but it was nothing but observations that everyone knows about. ‘Why are they yellow? Who’s Santos El Helper?’ Bart isn’t that bad of a boy. What’s with the flashback jokes?’ LAME!!!! I hope Matt Groening is pissed.
So this whole week was nothing but shit. Loosing Saturday mornings to the FCC and political correctness, loosing faith in humanity because our world leaders are painting a bad image of all of us and loosing my shit when seeing a fucked up film. I hope these upcoming weeks are good, I’m going to finish up my miniseries, finish watching the rest of DragonBall Z (season 1) and take it easy. Who do we blame for bad weeks? Bastards and Bitches!!
Shoutout to all the readers here, wasting your beautiful day reading my anger fueled jargon as well as the new readers. Share those links, recommend some friends. Also I want to get some feedback. Good or bad, I don’t care. Also, it’s October, watch a horror flick a day to get into the spirit. This is the only holiday I’m proud to be around in as well as Thanksgiving. All the other holidays can suck it, especially ‘Christmas’. I never get any recognition on that ass of a holiday. Fuck Christmas and fuck all of you who I gave a present and got no thanks for. So I really dig Halloween, also people get creative on this holiday by letting their mind run wild and dress up as questionable characters. I saw a guy dressed up as a penis, I’m sure he got attention. Who cares, RUN WILD!!! Dress up as anything you want. The holiday comes once a day.
As a final thought, FUCK THE FCC!!
What will be the end song for this entry? I have no clue, it’s random. Will it be another one of my anger fused industrial metal diddies or while I be listening to what one of my readers called ‘Faggy music’. I don’t know, it’s a mystery to me as it is to you.