Wilkomen once again to another waste of time & like your grade school teachers have taught you, It’s better to waste time than to do something productive. Grade school teachers are evil, I’m not joking. One second it’s all “If you’re being harassed or bullied, tell a teacher.” then when third grade comes around, “In the third grade, we don’t believe in tattle tales.”
The 2000’s ladies ‘n gentlemen! Where the politically correct agenda generated more bullying than stopped it.
This is gonna be yet another not as ranty (So I say) installment, but before we get into the topic, let’s get into some news.
RNC DNC RUN DMC
Last installment I didn’t really talk a lot about what happened in the conventions of their respective parties. I just mostly talked a lot of horrific smack about Donald Trump. If you were offended, I’m not sorry. So let’s recap:
On the Republican’s side, Donald Trump was all: “ie rumänische Regierung aber glaubte dies vor ihrem eigenen Volke nur unter der Voraussetzung noch tragen zu können, wenn Deutschland und Italien als Entschädigung dafür wenigstens eine Garantie geben würden, daß an dem noch übrig bleibenden Bestand Rumäniens nicht mehr gerüttelt wird.” Then his worshippers raise their arm in for their Fuher’s salute. Oh & his wife ‘Ivanka Shitzalot’ stole Michelle Obama’s speech. All I gotta say about that is “STAY AWAY FROM BLACKTIME E-PRESS YOU CHUNT WHORE!” The last thing I need is her stealing Psycho Pancake & claiming him as her own & renaming him ‘Grumpy Flapjack’. Thank you for giving me that image Junette.
On the Democrat’s side, Hilary Clinton was all: “VOTE FOR ME OR ELSE I’LL CALL YOU MYSOGINYST! Hiss hiss (Tongue grabs nearby fly).” Then all her supporters were clapping, reserving their ‘Triggers’ for after the rally. I do believe she’s a lizard woman. Oh if only the debate was between Hilary & Ted Cruz, then it would be the greatest VS movie ever. Lizard Woman VS Zodiac Killer.
Both sides are shit & thankfully I’m not the only one thinking about why there isn’t a third party in this race. Hilary is in the lead. How do I feel? I’m not gonna endorse Hilary, nor am I doom saying here but it’s clear she’s going to win the vote. Why? She’s got the majority latino vote. Did Bernie Sanders say anything about the Latino vote? No, because he said a lot of stuff that affects everyone, not just latinos. Hilary pandered to Latinos, therefore Latinos (and probably African Americans) will make up her vote & win over the people who were going to vote Bernie. Bernie didn’t use the issue of immigration as his shaking car keys & Trump pretty much threw that vote out before he ran. Hilary’s Latino followers only focused on illegal immigration, not really caring about the other issues because to them it’s all just gravy that they ignore.
Am I scared of Hilary being president, not really. All I’m seeing from her is a repeat of Obama’s second term. All these promises & only 3% of those promises are kept, everything else is either ignored or stalled because he wanted to appease the majority of Republicans in congress. Not to forget all those countless times he was in California & in late night talk shows instead of actually running the country, but then again I believe there‘s something happening behind the scenes that we don‘t know. He had black hair when he was running, then weeks into his first term he aged quickly. The lizard people either sucked the lifeforce out of him (Which is what Bill Clinton said in the oval office! HEYOOHHHH!!!!), or his term was heavily stressful because of assholes in congress. I had hopes for him in the second term because most of us probably thought he never had a chance to do anything in that first term.
All I see from Hilary is a bunch of unkept promises because her ego would get in her way of actual change in this god forsaken country. I’d rather have Michelle Obama or hell, Elizabeth Warren as a freaking first femme president, they would at least not be lying bitches.
Will we get into many wars with Hilary, I hope not. But I’ll tell you, the whole world will hit U.S Soil with a bomb or nuke if Trump is elected. He’s pissed off Mexico (Mexico‘s not the country you‘d see engaging in war, so that tells you something), China, Russia; he gon fuck us up & New York will be renamed ‘Neo York’ with motorcycle gangs & fucked up totalitarian cyberpunk shit. With the way this generation of youths & society has become, a world war is something we do not need now or ever.
This news story isn’t current affairs, but has caught my eye as I write this right now.
YOU’RE SMART BECAUSE YOU’RE TRASH
So on my feed (Tagged by Kenny & reposted by a bunch of movie pages I follow.) there’s an article going around & it’s another one of those ‘Sigh’ Studies Show articles & you guys know how much I lloooove those (rolls eyes).
So in this ‘study’ (conducted by white lab coat people smoking pipes & reading ‘The Bell Jar’ in front of a fire place) it is said that people who enjoy ‘Trashy’ movies are actually smarter than we think. Now I enjoy a good old exploitation film when I can get my hands on one, but apparently I’m not smart because I don’t watch them ironically. That’s the basis of their study, not people who find entertainment in B-movies, those people are crazy retarded. The people who watch films ironically, wear wool caps & listen to ’Arctic Monkeys’, those are the smart people. I disagree because that audience too stupid to look past the low budget & see that a film like ’Surf Nazis Must Die’ is actually a well done drama, despite the title. There are crappy B-movies out there, some that have nothing going for it & are (by definition) trash, but at the same time there are movies that are drive in fare, that don‘t have the budget of an MGM film, but the film contains so much ambition & creativity that it shouldn‘t be classified as trash. Well guess what Harvard, I enjoy these films because they are entertainment & I see an honesty in filmmaking than I do with most of the crap that being shoveled out today by big studios or those shitty ‘Giant Vagina VS Mega Crocodile‘ films that always air on the Sci-Fi channel. There are tons of films out there that are considered Trashy exploitation that transcend the label, films such as the original ‘Dawn of the Dead‘ or even ‘Death Race 2000‘ as they slip in some social commentary with their money chugging violence. Here’s a thought, some people enjoy Adam Sandler comedies, are they smart? They’re trashy moves, the jokes are nothing but gross out humor accompanied by Sandler doing his annoying voice schtick. I don’t see any redeeming qualities in his (Post 90’s) films, but is that audiences included?
This proves my point, this study was made by some dude or chick who was guilty of watching ‘Superman IV: A Quest For Peace’ & decided to hide his affection by creating a study, just so he can crawl away unscathed by popular opinions for watching a movie. This study is nothing but a ‘Pat yourself on the back’ for people who are guilty of embracing their tastes & admitting to people they like a specific type of film. You know what, that’s all the recurring pattern for these ‘Studies Show’ articles going around. They’re nothing but “Remember that thing you’re supposed to feel bad about? Well you shouldn’t feel bad about it because studies show you‘re right & they‘re wrong!” Like not cleaning up your room or house. Studies show not cleaning your room is a sign of being smart. No it’s not, it’s a sign that you’re a lazy fucking person & I don‘t get how those people have boyfriends/girlfirends. Hate to make all you messy readers out there feel bad, but it’s the brutally honest truth. Guests don’t like messy homes & living in your own filth is nothing to feel pride in, that’s what my mom taught me at the age of 8.
To fall back on our topic: The article went on to describe the two films people like ironically, The three ‘Sharknado’ movies (Which I’ve not seen, nor do I want to see) & ‘The Toxic Avenger’. The Toxic Avenger isn’t a film to watch ironically, because it’s a genuinely well made film & pretty fucking hilarious. The Troma crew did their greatest & that’s the flagship title that brought them notoriety in the mainstream as well as on the indie film market. It’s goofy, it’s ultra-violent & hilariously written. It’s what you get if you faithfully adapt a violent comic book drawn & written by a punk rocker.
What I’m trying to say is these studies are shit, yet people continue to make them & put too much trust into them. If you enjoy a movie that‘s either a B-movie or a bomb, it doesn’t mean you’re smart or dumb, it just means you enjoy a movie. There are films for everyone, but not everyone will like specific movies. If someone likes a shit movie, it may mean they’re stupid or it means they’re seeing something personally that we don’t see & we can‘t have bitchfits for ever bad movie that gets praise. Maybe that movie is a window to that person’s nostalgia, like the first ‘Rugrats’ movie. I rewatched that film & it is both a masterpiece & it sucks. There are moments where the film contains that smart humor associated with the show, then you get the shit & piss jokes. Overall, I don’t hate it as much because I remember as a kid when the film was being heavily promoted with the Burger King watches & renting it from the video store when it came out. Whether we find a newfound appreciation for a film or not is all up to us, the viewer.
Critics are nothing but people who are paid to have an opinion. I say this & I write for ‘Electronik Critik’ (but I don‘t get paid, think of it as a Public Service), ohhhhh the irony. Then you get these pompous critics who pretty much say “I like this film, if you don’t then you’re a fucking idiot!” They’re the fucking idiots.
So all in all, you’re entitled to love the movies you like, I recommend all of you to think of reasons as to why you like a certain movie everyone hates & these ‘Studies Show’ articles need to fucking stop.
And now, for your feature presentation.
The reason I wanted to talk about tropes was recently I became engaged in (I’m not denying it) a reality TV show called ‘Born This Way’. The show follows a group of 20 something people with down syndrome living life. At the end of the day it’s a harmless show with very relatable people, but what I don’t like has to do with how the show is presented. It’s done in the typical reality show format where every commercial break has to start before a shocking revelation is presented & there are too many tears being shed. LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE DAMN IT!!! The show follows the same formula as every other show on the A&E channel (Arts & Entertainment my ass) & that kinda saddens me. This show could have been presented to us the same way that one documentary show ‘17 & Up’ (I think that’s what it’s called, I may be wrong) presents the reality of the people on camera. It’s not done with crying, it’s not done with shocking revelations cut off for a commecial break. It was 17 kids being followed by cameras & being interviewed every (Insert number here) years. I believe it was done by the BBC & that show is more heartbreaking than the trifles you see in other reality shows.
But to move on, the tropes I’m talking about will be of the scripted kind.
You know what turns me off in a TV show or movie, A love triangle. That was one of the reasons why I didn’t watch that new ‘Flash’ series. It was one of those “Oh, they’re all gonna fall for Wally West, aren’t they? I’m not dealing with this. Bye!” Yet for some reason Supergirl did it, but it didn’t annoy me as much. Well it wasn’t a love triangle, more like a love Square between Supergirl, Jimmy, that awkward comic relief computer dude with the fish eyes & Jimmy’s girlfriend who turns out to be a little awesome. Love triangles are annoying & done to shit. Can’t we have a love triangle where nobody leaves crying & actually understands & to coin a term ‘Jumps back into the sea’? I’ll admit, it hits home for me.
I think the worst of this kind of trope is the whole ‘Woman or Man loves another person, but the other person doesn’t love them back, yet they annoyingly continue to shove themselves into their life, after countless rejections. Then said person falls for someone else, then suddenly start to grow affectionate for the annoying person who stalked them.’ Golden Girls does it (Dank show might I add). I can’t watch ‘The Parkers’ anymore, MoNique is a scary as fuck character on that show. Then again, I wouldn’t mind MoNique oggling me, but that’s a whole other story I don‘t wanna get into right now! Don’t read my DIARY!!!! Let’s get back to the program here! What annoys me is after being told no countless of times, you’d think to move on. Screech from ‘Saved By The Bell’, Lisa Turtle said NO! So give up you neurotic asshat!!!!!
RIP Dustin Diamond. He hooted his holler off at the ripe old age of 2000,00000,000.
Sticking in the realm of fictional relationships, I always get irritated when one character (Mainly female. Sorry, it’s the way it is) doesn’t want to hear the truth, even though the other character is really telling the truth. Case in point, a handful of Jackie Chan films, most notably the three ‘Police Story’ films (Haven’t seen ‘New Police Story’) but that’s one of the moments in those films where I was pretty freaking irritated with the character of Mei (Jackie’s in-film girlfriend), especially in the second film where the whole ditching her in an airplane wasn’t Jackie’s fault, but his boss & all his asshole cop friends. They did it, yet Mei goes on in her bitchfit & it just annoyed the shit outta me, but it lead to one of the funniest scenes where she drives her scooter into a car. MUHAH!!!!
Sadly, the scene isn’t on YouTube
RIP Funny videos. They hooted their holler off at the ripe old age of 2000,000,0000
But then you have the other kind of characters that are ignorant to the truth. The sherrif (or some authoritarian) who doesn’t believe that there’s an alien killing people in their town & shrug off the truth with a ‘naaaagghhh!!!’ or imprison the characters who are warning them about the imminent danger. Then what happens, they get killed off. Or the one that hits too close to home for me, the Bully that likes to harass everyone, but under the eye of an adult he or she is an angel. That just pisses me off, especially in that one episode of ‘Arthur’ when Arthur & Buster are paired up with Binky Barnes. Like “you motherfucking teacher, he’s a bully!!!! Don’t pair up those poor kids with him!!!” This is why I have trust issues.
I’ve been to a wedding, it was one of the most boring experiences ever, the funneral I went to a few months ago was more entertaining than a wedding. I expected someone to bum rush the chapel & stop the wedding & start a dramatic monologue about always loving the bride or some shit. Sadly, those don’t exist, yet saying no to a marriage proposal does exist & those videos are pretty fucking sad. So what I hate is when movies & TV shows do the whole dramatic entrance to stop two people from getting married. That trope was old when I was young, oh & I’ll get to Mexican Soap Operas later on because that’s a genre that revels into this trope & many other clichés. The only thing that annoys me about this trope is it hasn’t happened in real life.
Ya hear that people, you’ll have to marry that asshole. That’s why divorce & prenups exist.
As most of you already know, I’m soo damn tired of the contorting kids that flood these horror movies today. ‘Oooh a pale kid twisting his head, oooh I’m sooo scared (Rolls eyes). ’ The only people scared of that are first time parents who feed their kids water & saltines. ‘Nuff said.
What is up with movies & TV today still using ‘Eye of the Tiger’ for a training montage. That has been wayyyy overplayed that people forgot that the song was never used on the first ‘Rocky’ film. Same goes with the Indiana Jones theme when Harrison Ford is being chased by the giant ball. It was never used in that scene, it was some other John Williams track. So ‘Eye of the Tiger’, that song has been so overplayed, I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone else (besides me) is annoyed when that song pops out in movies. Hell, it was used in ‘Persepolis’, that French black & white cartoon movie. I had to mute that scene when I watched that flick.
On that same token of movie refrences that were done to death, well in this case it’s already dead, that whole “Let’s parody ‘The Matrix’ because that’s current & hip with the kids” trope. You couldn’t sit by watching a sitcom or a comedy film in 1999 to 2001 without having a reference to The Matrix. I’ll name a few titles that did this: The PJ’s, Pootie Tang, Kung Pow: Enter The Fist, The Steve Harvey Show, Scary Movie, even The Simpsons did it with their episode when N*Sync was guest starring.. We all know where the bullet dodging scene is from, how is this funny?! But I admit the children of today don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.
Hey kids, in 1999 two college frat boys wrote a science fiction movie, it was called ‘The Matrix’. Those two are still making crap films & one of them (or I think both now) are transvestites & had surgery with their Matrix money. The movie was alright, but everyone thought it was the greatest thing ever & the bullet dodging/ freeze frame kick overstayed their welcome. The movie should have ended after ‘Animatrix’ goddamnit!!!!
Then you got the one I’m thankfull hasn’t been done recently & that would be playing Earth Wind & Fire’s ‘Lowrider’ every time someone drives a lowrider or acts like Cheech Marin. It seemed like in the 2000’s everyone was soooo damn addicted to ruining music & scenes from movies to the ground. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing ‘Lowrider’, it was also in the intro to George Lopez’s sitcom (Which wasn’t a bad sitcom) .
The Second Act Breakup: It sucks, moving on.
So as a kid I grew up with a single TV in the household & so after the weekly two hour blocks of either Fox Kids or Kids WB & an hour of Simpsons, my parents commandeered the remote to watch their soap operas. We all know the tropes of American soap operas, the estranged twin, the evil in-laws, the femme fatale who married rich & plans to kill her husband. Mexican melodramas are like a step beyond the fucked up nature of American melodramas & when it comes to how they treat tropes, they still to this day continue using them in every new soap opera.
I’m gonna spoil every soap opera by saying the two protagionists who are romantically involved get married by the end of the series. I just saved all of you 30 or 60 episodes of bullshit ‘EN ESPANOL!’ Every single soap opera uses this trope so much & I always enjoy ruining my parents enjoyment of those shows when I tell them those two characters are going to get married. It’s funny because they act like I told them the meaning of life. Yes my children, I am your god now!
Alright, this isn’t just an issue with Mexican soap operas, but an issue with terrible writing & that would be the clear prevention of story progression. Whether it be burning the evidence of their cheating significant other (Because I can’t bare the pain of knowing the truth. Moo hoo!) or the witness committing suicide because they couldn‘t bear the pressure, all it does is prevents the story from progressing & an excuse to push the melodrama. It’s stupid, especially when all these soaps’ fix it with a terribly written ExMachina. Here comes Jesus (Not the god) in his motorcycle shouting “Bleep Bloop Bleep!”, the day is saved because they had to handfist in a happy ending, despite subjecting audiences to 40 minutes of LE DRAMA and not well written drama either. Jesus has to go to his home planet now, buhbye. SOOOWOOOP!!!
There are kids soap operas if you haven’t known & I’ll tell you, growing up I thought they were the greatest things since ham & cheese. Now that I’m older, they’re a tonally uneven venue for fucked up creativity that would put Tyler Perry to shame. One second you’ll be watching a group of scrappy kids going on an adventure, then the we would cut to adults talking about AIDS & sad adult stuffs. I’m not exaggerating here, the writers & directors are trying to pull a “We want something for the kids, as well as the adults.” & it’s the same old shellshock of uneven tones. Sometimes it felt like I was watching two different shows. It’s like watching the Captain America reboot, then in between the fun action the filmmakers & writers added in hella depressing scenes of concentration camps that would put ‘Schindler’s List’ to shame. It’s awkward & fucked up & kinda sickly hilarious when you think about it. Hey kids, let’s watch our child actors come across a magical wand & turn their teacher into a frog, then KABOOM, parents dealing with FUCKING DIVORCE!!!
Then you got the huge emphasis on the rags to riches way of storytelling which I do have an explanation as to why a bunch of telenovelas do this. The rags to riches story is done in so many ways, whether it be in that ‘Great Expecations’ way of having a poor character being selected by a rich person to live with them in exchange for something (Usually as a way for the childless dying character to hand over an inheritence to the poor kid). That story resonates & speaks to a lot of people in Mexico mainly because of the socio economic status the country is in & have been in for a while. I’m not saying there are a lot of poor people in Mexico, but there’s a reason why illegal immigration is a thing. But I shouldn’t be quick to judge, because a rags to riches story resonates with everyone, but it seems like Mexican entertainment is still attached to the whole “We take you off the rags to move in with the rich family & teach my daughter to love or whatever.” Whether the rich family is good or evil is something that keeps that trope pretty fresh.
Of all the tropes that I talked about, I believe none of those piss me off more than the melodramas with a (and get ready for that drum roll tuntuntutntunttunttntnutun) MESSAGE HAMMER!!!!!! Oh dear god, this pissed me off as a kid, & it still pisses me off today. I’ll say it & I won’t feel remorse for it, melodramas (Doesn’t matter in what country it’s made or who makes it.) are a trash genre. The worst part is when melodramas try to add in a message because as we all know we’re too stupid to know that the things we were taught to avoid are bad. The last thing anybody needs in their life is a voiceover telling us drugs are bad, even though most of the people watching it are straight edge. As you could tell, I don’t like to be talked down to, didn’t like it as a kid either, especially growing up diagnosed with a learning disorder because English wasn’t my first language when I started going to school. So when some asshat starts stating the obvious like “You shouldn’t take drugs.” or pushing some uneducated agenda, that agitates me. The worst parts are when they decide to do a one on one deal with a person & a TV camera (that’s happened many a time) with violin music in the background. It’s stupid & that makes me weep for humanity. It makes me weep knowing there are stupid people who don’t know things such as ‘Do not abandon babies in public places’ as common knowledge. Message hammers don’t work anymore, be frank folks. Stan Lee pretty much said it best when he said that it’s better to entertain with a hidden message than being straight up lectured. Another thing that pisses me off is when they try to push a message, yet they play around with the idea like a piece of fiction. It’s hard to take it seriously when a magical rose pops up during a story where a girl is being abused by their parents & HALLELUIAH the UN breaks into the house to save the girl & all other girls in the world from abusive parents! If the writers & creative staff aren’t going to take it seriously or do the research on their topic, then why should we all care?
I believe that does it for today. I have no clue what I’ll be working on next, it’s all miscellaneous stuff, one of them being new episodes of ‘Adventrues in Panckaes’ so look out for that.
I think I’ll be working on some Mini-Blogababbles since news has been kinda slow or has now just become irrelevant. I do have many timeless rants to go on, one of them being on Birthdays, so expect that this coming September. (wank wank)
Thank you so much for wasting your time with this blog. For our outro blog song we won’t be playing a techno or industrial or thrash metal song because we here at BlackTime E-Press aren’t about running with tropes. We’re original, be original guys & love what you want to love, even if it’s bad films & feel pride in loving bad films. SOUL PLAN SHOULD HAVE WON BEST FILM THAT YEAR.
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The 2000’s ladies ‘n gentlemen! Where the politically correct agenda generated more bullying than stopped it.
This is gonna be yet another not as ranty (So I say) installment, but before we get into the topic, let’s get into some news.
RNC DNC RUN DMC
Last installment I didn’t really talk a lot about what happened in the conventions of their respective parties. I just mostly talked a lot of horrific smack about Donald Trump. If you were offended, I’m not sorry. So let’s recap:
On the Republican’s side, Donald Trump was all: “ie rumänische Regierung aber glaubte dies vor ihrem eigenen Volke nur unter der Voraussetzung noch tragen zu können, wenn Deutschland und Italien als Entschädigung dafür wenigstens eine Garantie geben würden, daß an dem noch übrig bleibenden Bestand Rumäniens nicht mehr gerüttelt wird.” Then his worshippers raise their arm in for their Fuher’s salute. Oh & his wife ‘Ivanka Shitzalot’ stole Michelle Obama’s speech. All I gotta say about that is “STAY AWAY FROM BLACKTIME E-PRESS YOU CHUNT WHORE!” The last thing I need is her stealing Psycho Pancake & claiming him as her own & renaming him ‘Grumpy Flapjack’. Thank you for giving me that image Junette.
On the Democrat’s side, Hilary Clinton was all: “VOTE FOR ME OR ELSE I’LL CALL YOU MYSOGINYST! Hiss hiss (Tongue grabs nearby fly).” Then all her supporters were clapping, reserving their ‘Triggers’ for after the rally. I do believe she’s a lizard woman. Oh if only the debate was between Hilary & Ted Cruz, then it would be the greatest VS movie ever. Lizard Woman VS Zodiac Killer.
Both sides are shit & thankfully I’m not the only one thinking about why there isn’t a third party in this race. Hilary is in the lead. How do I feel? I’m not gonna endorse Hilary, nor am I doom saying here but it’s clear she’s going to win the vote. Why? She’s got the majority latino vote. Did Bernie Sanders say anything about the Latino vote? No, because he said a lot of stuff that affects everyone, not just latinos. Hilary pandered to Latinos, therefore Latinos (and probably African Americans) will make up her vote & win over the people who were going to vote Bernie. Bernie didn’t use the issue of immigration as his shaking car keys & Trump pretty much threw that vote out before he ran. Hilary’s Latino followers only focused on illegal immigration, not really caring about the other issues because to them it’s all just gravy that they ignore.
Am I scared of Hilary being president, not really. All I’m seeing from her is a repeat of Obama’s second term. All these promises & only 3% of those promises are kept, everything else is either ignored or stalled because he wanted to appease the majority of Republicans in congress. Not to forget all those countless times he was in California & in late night talk shows instead of actually running the country, but then again I believe there‘s something happening behind the scenes that we don‘t know. He had black hair when he was running, then weeks into his first term he aged quickly. The lizard people either sucked the lifeforce out of him (Which is what Bill Clinton said in the oval office! HEYOOHHHH!!!!), or his term was heavily stressful because of assholes in congress. I had hopes for him in the second term because most of us probably thought he never had a chance to do anything in that first term.
All I see from Hilary is a bunch of unkept promises because her ego would get in her way of actual change in this god forsaken country. I’d rather have Michelle Obama or hell, Elizabeth Warren as a freaking first femme president, they would at least not be lying bitches.
Will we get into many wars with Hilary, I hope not. But I’ll tell you, the whole world will hit U.S Soil with a bomb or nuke if Trump is elected. He’s pissed off Mexico (Mexico‘s not the country you‘d see engaging in war, so that tells you something), China, Russia; he gon fuck us up & New York will be renamed ‘Neo York’ with motorcycle gangs & fucked up totalitarian cyberpunk shit. With the way this generation of youths & society has become, a world war is something we do not need now or ever.
This news story isn’t current affairs, but has caught my eye as I write this right now.
YOU’RE SMART BECAUSE YOU’RE TRASH
So on my feed (Tagged by Kenny & reposted by a bunch of movie pages I follow.) there’s an article going around & it’s another one of those ‘Sigh’ Studies Show articles & you guys know how much I lloooove those (rolls eyes).
So in this ‘study’ (conducted by white lab coat people smoking pipes & reading ‘The Bell Jar’ in front of a fire place) it is said that people who enjoy ‘Trashy’ movies are actually smarter than we think. Now I enjoy a good old exploitation film when I can get my hands on one, but apparently I’m not smart because I don’t watch them ironically. That’s the basis of their study, not people who find entertainment in B-movies, those people are crazy retarded. The people who watch films ironically, wear wool caps & listen to ’Arctic Monkeys’, those are the smart people. I disagree because that audience too stupid to look past the low budget & see that a film like ’Surf Nazis Must Die’ is actually a well done drama, despite the title. There are crappy B-movies out there, some that have nothing going for it & are (by definition) trash, but at the same time there are movies that are drive in fare, that don‘t have the budget of an MGM film, but the film contains so much ambition & creativity that it shouldn‘t be classified as trash. Well guess what Harvard, I enjoy these films because they are entertainment & I see an honesty in filmmaking than I do with most of the crap that being shoveled out today by big studios or those shitty ‘Giant Vagina VS Mega Crocodile‘ films that always air on the Sci-Fi channel. There are tons of films out there that are considered Trashy exploitation that transcend the label, films such as the original ‘Dawn of the Dead‘ or even ‘Death Race 2000‘ as they slip in some social commentary with their money chugging violence. Here’s a thought, some people enjoy Adam Sandler comedies, are they smart? They’re trashy moves, the jokes are nothing but gross out humor accompanied by Sandler doing his annoying voice schtick. I don’t see any redeeming qualities in his (Post 90’s) films, but is that audiences included?
This proves my point, this study was made by some dude or chick who was guilty of watching ‘Superman IV: A Quest For Peace’ & decided to hide his affection by creating a study, just so he can crawl away unscathed by popular opinions for watching a movie. This study is nothing but a ‘Pat yourself on the back’ for people who are guilty of embracing their tastes & admitting to people they like a specific type of film. You know what, that’s all the recurring pattern for these ‘Studies Show’ articles going around. They’re nothing but “Remember that thing you’re supposed to feel bad about? Well you shouldn’t feel bad about it because studies show you‘re right & they‘re wrong!” Like not cleaning up your room or house. Studies show not cleaning your room is a sign of being smart. No it’s not, it’s a sign that you’re a lazy fucking person & I don‘t get how those people have boyfriends/girlfirends. Hate to make all you messy readers out there feel bad, but it’s the brutally honest truth. Guests don’t like messy homes & living in your own filth is nothing to feel pride in, that’s what my mom taught me at the age of 8.
To fall back on our topic: The article went on to describe the two films people like ironically, The three ‘Sharknado’ movies (Which I’ve not seen, nor do I want to see) & ‘The Toxic Avenger’. The Toxic Avenger isn’t a film to watch ironically, because it’s a genuinely well made film & pretty fucking hilarious. The Troma crew did their greatest & that’s the flagship title that brought them notoriety in the mainstream as well as on the indie film market. It’s goofy, it’s ultra-violent & hilariously written. It’s what you get if you faithfully adapt a violent comic book drawn & written by a punk rocker.
What I’m trying to say is these studies are shit, yet people continue to make them & put too much trust into them. If you enjoy a movie that‘s either a B-movie or a bomb, it doesn’t mean you’re smart or dumb, it just means you enjoy a movie. There are films for everyone, but not everyone will like specific movies. If someone likes a shit movie, it may mean they’re stupid or it means they’re seeing something personally that we don’t see & we can‘t have bitchfits for ever bad movie that gets praise. Maybe that movie is a window to that person’s nostalgia, like the first ‘Rugrats’ movie. I rewatched that film & it is both a masterpiece & it sucks. There are moments where the film contains that smart humor associated with the show, then you get the shit & piss jokes. Overall, I don’t hate it as much because I remember as a kid when the film was being heavily promoted with the Burger King watches & renting it from the video store when it came out. Whether we find a newfound appreciation for a film or not is all up to us, the viewer.
Critics are nothing but people who are paid to have an opinion. I say this & I write for ‘Electronik Critik’ (but I don‘t get paid, think of it as a Public Service), ohhhhh the irony. Then you get these pompous critics who pretty much say “I like this film, if you don’t then you’re a fucking idiot!” They’re the fucking idiots.
So all in all, you’re entitled to love the movies you like, I recommend all of you to think of reasons as to why you like a certain movie everyone hates & these ‘Studies Show’ articles need to fucking stop.
And now, for your feature presentation.
The reason I wanted to talk about tropes was recently I became engaged in (I’m not denying it) a reality TV show called ‘Born This Way’. The show follows a group of 20 something people with down syndrome living life. At the end of the day it’s a harmless show with very relatable people, but what I don’t like has to do with how the show is presented. It’s done in the typical reality show format where every commercial break has to start before a shocking revelation is presented & there are too many tears being shed. LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE DAMN IT!!! The show follows the same formula as every other show on the A&E channel (Arts & Entertainment my ass) & that kinda saddens me. This show could have been presented to us the same way that one documentary show ‘17 & Up’ (I think that’s what it’s called, I may be wrong) presents the reality of the people on camera. It’s not done with crying, it’s not done with shocking revelations cut off for a commecial break. It was 17 kids being followed by cameras & being interviewed every (Insert number here) years. I believe it was done by the BBC & that show is more heartbreaking than the trifles you see in other reality shows.
But to move on, the tropes I’m talking about will be of the scripted kind.
You know what turns me off in a TV show or movie, A love triangle. That was one of the reasons why I didn’t watch that new ‘Flash’ series. It was one of those “Oh, they’re all gonna fall for Wally West, aren’t they? I’m not dealing with this. Bye!” Yet for some reason Supergirl did it, but it didn’t annoy me as much. Well it wasn’t a love triangle, more like a love Square between Supergirl, Jimmy, that awkward comic relief computer dude with the fish eyes & Jimmy’s girlfriend who turns out to be a little awesome. Love triangles are annoying & done to shit. Can’t we have a love triangle where nobody leaves crying & actually understands & to coin a term ‘Jumps back into the sea’? I’ll admit, it hits home for me.
I think the worst of this kind of trope is the whole ‘Woman or Man loves another person, but the other person doesn’t love them back, yet they annoyingly continue to shove themselves into their life, after countless rejections. Then said person falls for someone else, then suddenly start to grow affectionate for the annoying person who stalked them.’ Golden Girls does it (Dank show might I add). I can’t watch ‘The Parkers’ anymore, MoNique is a scary as fuck character on that show. Then again, I wouldn’t mind MoNique oggling me, but that’s a whole other story I don‘t wanna get into right now! Don’t read my DIARY!!!! Let’s get back to the program here! What annoys me is after being told no countless of times, you’d think to move on. Screech from ‘Saved By The Bell’, Lisa Turtle said NO! So give up you neurotic asshat!!!!!
RIP Dustin Diamond. He hooted his holler off at the ripe old age of 2000,00000,000.
Sticking in the realm of fictional relationships, I always get irritated when one character (Mainly female. Sorry, it’s the way it is) doesn’t want to hear the truth, even though the other character is really telling the truth. Case in point, a handful of Jackie Chan films, most notably the three ‘Police Story’ films (Haven’t seen ‘New Police Story’) but that’s one of the moments in those films where I was pretty freaking irritated with the character of Mei (Jackie’s in-film girlfriend), especially in the second film where the whole ditching her in an airplane wasn’t Jackie’s fault, but his boss & all his asshole cop friends. They did it, yet Mei goes on in her bitchfit & it just annoyed the shit outta me, but it lead to one of the funniest scenes where she drives her scooter into a car. MUHAH!!!!
Sadly, the scene isn’t on YouTube
RIP Funny videos. They hooted their holler off at the ripe old age of 2000,000,0000
But then you have the other kind of characters that are ignorant to the truth. The sherrif (or some authoritarian) who doesn’t believe that there’s an alien killing people in their town & shrug off the truth with a ‘naaaagghhh!!!’ or imprison the characters who are warning them about the imminent danger. Then what happens, they get killed off. Or the one that hits too close to home for me, the Bully that likes to harass everyone, but under the eye of an adult he or she is an angel. That just pisses me off, especially in that one episode of ‘Arthur’ when Arthur & Buster are paired up with Binky Barnes. Like “you motherfucking teacher, he’s a bully!!!! Don’t pair up those poor kids with him!!!” This is why I have trust issues.
I’ve been to a wedding, it was one of the most boring experiences ever, the funneral I went to a few months ago was more entertaining than a wedding. I expected someone to bum rush the chapel & stop the wedding & start a dramatic monologue about always loving the bride or some shit. Sadly, those don’t exist, yet saying no to a marriage proposal does exist & those videos are pretty fucking sad. So what I hate is when movies & TV shows do the whole dramatic entrance to stop two people from getting married. That trope was old when I was young, oh & I’ll get to Mexican Soap Operas later on because that’s a genre that revels into this trope & many other clichés. The only thing that annoys me about this trope is it hasn’t happened in real life.
Ya hear that people, you’ll have to marry that asshole. That’s why divorce & prenups exist.
As most of you already know, I’m soo damn tired of the contorting kids that flood these horror movies today. ‘Oooh a pale kid twisting his head, oooh I’m sooo scared (Rolls eyes). ’ The only people scared of that are first time parents who feed their kids water & saltines. ‘Nuff said.
What is up with movies & TV today still using ‘Eye of the Tiger’ for a training montage. That has been wayyyy overplayed that people forgot that the song was never used on the first ‘Rocky’ film. Same goes with the Indiana Jones theme when Harrison Ford is being chased by the giant ball. It was never used in that scene, it was some other John Williams track. So ‘Eye of the Tiger’, that song has been so overplayed, I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone else (besides me) is annoyed when that song pops out in movies. Hell, it was used in ‘Persepolis’, that French black & white cartoon movie. I had to mute that scene when I watched that flick.
On that same token of movie refrences that were done to death, well in this case it’s already dead, that whole “Let’s parody ‘The Matrix’ because that’s current & hip with the kids” trope. You couldn’t sit by watching a sitcom or a comedy film in 1999 to 2001 without having a reference to The Matrix. I’ll name a few titles that did this: The PJ’s, Pootie Tang, Kung Pow: Enter The Fist, The Steve Harvey Show, Scary Movie, even The Simpsons did it with their episode when N*Sync was guest starring.. We all know where the bullet dodging scene is from, how is this funny?! But I admit the children of today don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.
Hey kids, in 1999 two college frat boys wrote a science fiction movie, it was called ‘The Matrix’. Those two are still making crap films & one of them (or I think both now) are transvestites & had surgery with their Matrix money. The movie was alright, but everyone thought it was the greatest thing ever & the bullet dodging/ freeze frame kick overstayed their welcome. The movie should have ended after ‘Animatrix’ goddamnit!!!!
Then you got the one I’m thankfull hasn’t been done recently & that would be playing Earth Wind & Fire’s ‘Lowrider’ every time someone drives a lowrider or acts like Cheech Marin. It seemed like in the 2000’s everyone was soooo damn addicted to ruining music & scenes from movies to the ground. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing ‘Lowrider’, it was also in the intro to George Lopez’s sitcom (Which wasn’t a bad sitcom) .
The Second Act Breakup: It sucks, moving on.
So as a kid I grew up with a single TV in the household & so after the weekly two hour blocks of either Fox Kids or Kids WB & an hour of Simpsons, my parents commandeered the remote to watch their soap operas. We all know the tropes of American soap operas, the estranged twin, the evil in-laws, the femme fatale who married rich & plans to kill her husband. Mexican melodramas are like a step beyond the fucked up nature of American melodramas & when it comes to how they treat tropes, they still to this day continue using them in every new soap opera.
I’m gonna spoil every soap opera by saying the two protagionists who are romantically involved get married by the end of the series. I just saved all of you 30 or 60 episodes of bullshit ‘EN ESPANOL!’ Every single soap opera uses this trope so much & I always enjoy ruining my parents enjoyment of those shows when I tell them those two characters are going to get married. It’s funny because they act like I told them the meaning of life. Yes my children, I am your god now!
Alright, this isn’t just an issue with Mexican soap operas, but an issue with terrible writing & that would be the clear prevention of story progression. Whether it be burning the evidence of their cheating significant other (Because I can’t bare the pain of knowing the truth. Moo hoo!) or the witness committing suicide because they couldn‘t bear the pressure, all it does is prevents the story from progressing & an excuse to push the melodrama. It’s stupid, especially when all these soaps’ fix it with a terribly written ExMachina. Here comes Jesus (Not the god) in his motorcycle shouting “Bleep Bloop Bleep!”, the day is saved because they had to handfist in a happy ending, despite subjecting audiences to 40 minutes of LE DRAMA and not well written drama either. Jesus has to go to his home planet now, buhbye. SOOOWOOOP!!!
There are kids soap operas if you haven’t known & I’ll tell you, growing up I thought they were the greatest things since ham & cheese. Now that I’m older, they’re a tonally uneven venue for fucked up creativity that would put Tyler Perry to shame. One second you’ll be watching a group of scrappy kids going on an adventure, then the we would cut to adults talking about AIDS & sad adult stuffs. I’m not exaggerating here, the writers & directors are trying to pull a “We want something for the kids, as well as the adults.” & it’s the same old shellshock of uneven tones. Sometimes it felt like I was watching two different shows. It’s like watching the Captain America reboot, then in between the fun action the filmmakers & writers added in hella depressing scenes of concentration camps that would put ‘Schindler’s List’ to shame. It’s awkward & fucked up & kinda sickly hilarious when you think about it. Hey kids, let’s watch our child actors come across a magical wand & turn their teacher into a frog, then KABOOM, parents dealing with FUCKING DIVORCE!!!
Then you got the huge emphasis on the rags to riches way of storytelling which I do have an explanation as to why a bunch of telenovelas do this. The rags to riches story is done in so many ways, whether it be in that ‘Great Expecations’ way of having a poor character being selected by a rich person to live with them in exchange for something (Usually as a way for the childless dying character to hand over an inheritence to the poor kid). That story resonates & speaks to a lot of people in Mexico mainly because of the socio economic status the country is in & have been in for a while. I’m not saying there are a lot of poor people in Mexico, but there’s a reason why illegal immigration is a thing. But I shouldn’t be quick to judge, because a rags to riches story resonates with everyone, but it seems like Mexican entertainment is still attached to the whole “We take you off the rags to move in with the rich family & teach my daughter to love or whatever.” Whether the rich family is good or evil is something that keeps that trope pretty fresh.
Of all the tropes that I talked about, I believe none of those piss me off more than the melodramas with a (and get ready for that drum roll tuntuntutntunttunttntnutun) MESSAGE HAMMER!!!!!! Oh dear god, this pissed me off as a kid, & it still pisses me off today. I’ll say it & I won’t feel remorse for it, melodramas (Doesn’t matter in what country it’s made or who makes it.) are a trash genre. The worst part is when melodramas try to add in a message because as we all know we’re too stupid to know that the things we were taught to avoid are bad. The last thing anybody needs in their life is a voiceover telling us drugs are bad, even though most of the people watching it are straight edge. As you could tell, I don’t like to be talked down to, didn’t like it as a kid either, especially growing up diagnosed with a learning disorder because English wasn’t my first language when I started going to school. So when some asshat starts stating the obvious like “You shouldn’t take drugs.” or pushing some uneducated agenda, that agitates me. The worst parts are when they decide to do a one on one deal with a person & a TV camera (that’s happened many a time) with violin music in the background. It’s stupid & that makes me weep for humanity. It makes me weep knowing there are stupid people who don’t know things such as ‘Do not abandon babies in public places’ as common knowledge. Message hammers don’t work anymore, be frank folks. Stan Lee pretty much said it best when he said that it’s better to entertain with a hidden message than being straight up lectured. Another thing that pisses me off is when they try to push a message, yet they play around with the idea like a piece of fiction. It’s hard to take it seriously when a magical rose pops up during a story where a girl is being abused by their parents & HALLELUIAH the UN breaks into the house to save the girl & all other girls in the world from abusive parents! If the writers & creative staff aren’t going to take it seriously or do the research on their topic, then why should we all care?
I believe that does it for today. I have no clue what I’ll be working on next, it’s all miscellaneous stuff, one of them being new episodes of ‘Adventrues in Panckaes’ so look out for that.
I think I’ll be working on some Mini-Blogababbles since news has been kinda slow or has now just become irrelevant. I do have many timeless rants to go on, one of them being on Birthdays, so expect that this coming September. (wank wank)
Thank you so much for wasting your time with this blog. For our outro blog song we won’t be playing a techno or industrial or thrash metal song because we here at BlackTime E-Press aren’t about running with tropes. We’re original, be original guys & love what you want to love, even if it’s bad films & feel pride in loving bad films. SOUL PLAN SHOULD HAVE WON BEST FILM THAT YEAR.
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