I’ll admit, I have a different & unique way of learning stuff. Not everything the teacher spouts sticks to my brain & most of that is somewhat important shit. All you white lab coat types can sit there & deduce random shit like I’m ADHD or I’m somewhere in the Autism spectrum, but I do know that I’m more of a hands on type when it comes to learning, I can’t rely on just someone telling me stuff & expecting that to stick. Then again, by the time I was in school this little known American bill was passed & put into effect. I’m sure none of you heard of this, not even all you folks who were teachers post 9/11. It’s some throwaway bill called the ‘NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND’ bill where teaching was pretty much reduced to quick, borderline ‘Buzzfeed Article’ type studies so the teachers can move on ahead & give students practice quizzes & reviews until the big standardized test. Through this change my learning was half assed, don’t get me wrong I know my ABC’s & basic math, but I was stuck into a group called ‘RSP’ where the teachers always told us, the few students there, that it we weren’t dumb & that’s it. Well, when the acronym is subject to ‘Retarded Stupid People’ & of course we as kids would feel guilt. Then came the many times I was subjected to going to summer school & that made me (& I’m pretty sure others like me) much more terrible about ourselves. I don’t remember the specific instances I was in summer school back my grade school days, all except for one when the teacher had a Christmas party for the last day. Get it, Christmas in July? Hueh hueh hueh (*A very annoyed grunting sound that sounds less like a grunt & more like an orgasming Roger The Alien). That’s all I remember from my summer school going days, I just remember being disappointed in myself & missing out all the PBS Kids shows. Then again, I wasn’t really missing a lot. Dad was at work & all mom ever wanted to do was chores. All you lucky as fuck middle class families got to have family adventures. My parents are no fun & I believe that was a boon because it taught me how to be patient.
Middle School, now this when we get to some betrayal here! So between 5th & 6th grade there was no summer school because why would there be? Grade School, yeah, that shit will affect whether you get a high paying job in your 20’s. Despite what I said earlier, with a strike of good luck & getting an awesome teacher, I passed 6th Math (One of my least desired subjects) with flying colors. My report card was amazing, A’s & B’s through & through. My parents aren’t the type to give incentives, you know where this is going. Come the final day of classes & my mom is aware of the good grades I got. What does she do next? Signs me up for Summer school! Yeah, image my feelings when this shit happened. It got so insane that I got the same math teacher for summer school I had during the spring session & she comes up to me & asks “Why are you here, you passed my class?” I did, & that is one of the many contributing factors to my lack of trust in anybody, even my family. The reasoning why she signed me up? She thought I was wasting my time at home so she wanted me to keep my mind moving. Well she should of signed me up for CPR lessons or some other thing at the local YMCA or Boys & Girls club. Do those still exist? I’m soooo disconnected with the outside world.
So then comes 7th grade where Summer School was still there, but the district had thee most ‘bright’ idea & that was creating classes for Saturday! Ohhhh boy, this was basically ‘Sophie’s Choice’ here, sacrifice your summer going to school or sacrificing your weekends going to school. It’s like saying “Would you rather get fucked in the face by a switchblade or fucked in the ass by a switchblade. No one wins!!!! So I went to school on a Saturday, missed the day when Kids WB turned into ‘4Kids.TV’, it was like returning from a sabbatical to find out your best bud at work got replace by Martin Spivak, a boring asshole who laughs at the Despicable Me minion memes created by housewives & teen moms! Oh yeah, I’m putting them under the boss! YOU HAVE BEEN JEBUZE’D!!! Saturday School was where I got a panic attack over fractions & I started to walk home to from school alone because why not. It was the only time I could tell my parents I was staying after class to help the teacher, but really I was going to GameStop. Oh yeah, this was back when GameStop sold games rather than the bullshit they became now.
“You want a Power Card? You want to sign up for rewards? You want a subscription to our once renowned video game magazine? You want to pre-order this game that will be immediately ravaged by Kotaku? You want me to sell you this broken ass PS4 because my corporate masters have enforced a bullshit mandate that you have to lie to sellers that we don’t have any new consoles on stock & the customers are blaming you, the worker bee for the stupid shit we, the suits, have enforced?” I’ll stop now. So that’s all I remember, making the best out of a shitty situation. As for that panic attack, I had it because the teacher asked me to solve a math equation I had no clue how to solve. I was an idiot as a kid, I was so stupid that when the teacher gave us a quiz for what number was greater, I asked the teacher for a ruler. I measured the numbers 8 & 19 & for some reason noticed the number 8 was a few centimeters taller than the number 19 so I said number 8 is greater than 19. That’s the level of stupid I was. Also, I had a panic attack in 6th grade & everyone laughed at me because they though I was crying about fraction, but really I had that panic attack because the RSP teacher was looking over my shoulder, gave me this menacing voice telling me “Don’t tell me you forgot about this, we reviewed this.” Hahahaahah, verbal abuse to a 10 year old….or was a 11? I don’t know, the 2000’s were weird. So that happened, also my Saturday school teacher looked like Pyranik Chopra, so imagine that.
Now we move to High School summer school & boy do I have a lot to share about this part of my life. So this was the only time I felt great about going to summer school because it wasn’t summer school, but rather the first two entry courses of High School. This was between 8th & 9th grade & the two classes were basically extra credit. The first teacher, who taught English, looked like Mariah Carrey with a latin accent. Boioioioioiing!
My second teacher was the coach for the school’s football team & he was pretty fucking funny. I admit, that was the only time I had fun in math class. When you got a teacher that’s willing to laugh & the class is willing to say hilarious shit, it can go a long way! So one time during math I was kicking back & day dreaming about stupid shit like “What would happen if the Transformers were real & how would we adjust to the Autobots & Decepticon fights?” Then the room started shaking, I was thinking “Holy fuck, they’re here!”
The coach just stood there, eyes wide & just said “Let’s get the fuck outta here!”
We basically ran out of the building, us & all these other classes. It was an earthquake, a pretty big one at that. Then there was the time that basically changed the way I acted & saw the world. So my dad would pick me up in his white Chevy Astro van. It was a typical day as usual, dad makes the left turn right as the street light in front of him turns red. All other cars see my dad’s huge white van make the turn, all except for this 90’s/80’s sedan & hit’s the van with a huge ass impact! I’m alive, my dad’s alive, the couple on the other car look pretty unconscious. Yup, we got into a car crash & everyone was walking by, pointing & talking as if they think their opinions matter. Yeah, it’s a car crash, get the fuck over it! I sat in the car, thinking this can’t be happening, a big ass bump on my head, paramedics rushing to the scene, hearing that one of the passengers there was pregnant & one of the girls there was freaking out. I was afraid that everyone will go to the side of the pregnant woman & lynch my dad. Next day I go to school & it felt like normal. Nobody was talking about the incident, I don’t even think the people in my class knew about it. Then came these three fucktards who always had shit against me. Seriously, one of their names is ‘Miguel Soriano’ & he has that short haircut all these cholo fucks have & this piece of fuck comes up to me with this giant smile on his face saying “Hey, I heard your dad got into a car crash. Was he drunk?” & laughing his ass of.
Guys, I’m gonna go into a bit of satanic rage here, please don‘t assume I‘m going to do this. This shit still angers me, you wouldn’t believe how much I was holding back. I wanted to kick this dude’s face in, drill a hole into his nutsack, stick a wig on him & toss him into that hole where guys are trapped in & notice “Oh lookie, a pwetty girl. I‘m gonna tap that!” & they start doing him in his bloody hole. But I didn’t, the last thing I need is some cholo asshole sending his wetback goon squad on me thinking they’re some Tony Soprano Mafioso who can fix wrongs by calling their pussy faced godfather, but at the end they’re just some cheap ass fucks who think they own the city.
Don’t sent the hate mail, I’m Mexican. I can get away with the epithet.
This even kinda changed me, it grabbed me by the neck & said “WELCOME TO HIGH SCHOOL!” and left it at that. You can say it was a rite of passage, experience some fucked up hit with a fucked up aftermath by fucked up people who should be burning in hell right about now. I hope so.
Message to Miguel Soriano: I hope your life is shit, you knocked up some girl & that girl’s baby is shitting or vomiting down your throat, LITERALLY! You’re a hoe & your mom’s a hoe for giving birth to a sack of waste like you, Miguel. Also, I hope your family disowned you evil piece of shit!
So then comes the last day of school & nobody tells me that it was a ditch date. Imagine, me & a guy are trapped in school with not that many teachers & not that many students. It was a sick joke & the teachers were pissed off at us because we had the gall to come in the last day of school. The Mariah Carrey looking teacher brought here son over & we spent that time watching episodes of ‘Spongebob’, back when that show was still funny. Then after that the coach/ Math teacher was pissed at us because we attended school on ditch day. So what we did at that time was go back to the class we were at before to watch more sponge bob. THE END.
All throughout my high school years I never went to summer school, but I did go to Saturday school with that same football coach! The only thing I found great about that short time was the coach always told funny stories about how his wife & daughters always made him spend money for them at the ‘Bath & Body Works’ store & I spent most of that time watching ‘The Guyver’ OVA’s on the computers there. Fun times.
I guess that wraps it up. Summer School sucks & also the same fucks who always push for loner summer school schedules are the same fuckers who bitch about “Why is summer dying? Why aren’t kids going out this summer?”
I don’t know, maybe it’s because of your bullshit standards & your push to do away with summer vacation you goddamn PC parent, saltine eating mother fucks! Nobody likes Summer school, but at the end of the day it’s kinda necessary…In high school because that’s when your grades start mattering. I say this because there are a bunch of stupid people I’ve known back in the day who ended up graduating grade school & middle school, even though they very much deserved to be held back a grade. That always pissed me off, I would study hard & work hard, only to find out that this whole fear of being held back a grade was just a farce. It goes back to that bullshit ‘Instant gratification’ deal where everyone gets an award & if you don’t get one, well here’s an imagination award which can only be seen if you use your imagination. That’s another factor towards my trust issues. I trust nobody except The Log Lady, what a sweet woman she was.
Rest in piece.
I’m still trying to work with a dysfunctional schedule, the blogs will be coming. Stay tuned.