Blogababble is back, finally! Let’ tear our clothes out & get streaking!!!! New year, same old shit. That’s how it goes, sadly.
Good god, I tell ya the sabbatical was needed, but at the same time it overstayed its welcome. I don’t know if I should go into detail as to the fucked up shaiza that happened these past days, I know I’ll save some of the stuff for the biography (Gotta soar high). I’ll go into one thing, not being able to use the computer was a fucking hell & things are becoming worse. One of these days I will write about mental health & how little things like venting go a long way. Not having this blog really hurt when shit was rough & I had nobody to talk about this shit which fucked me up more. To add to that I got a new job, isn’t as great as it sounds. I’ll leave my new job woes at that because for as much bad there is, there’s also a lot of good. Still, my old job was better despite not being paid a lot & the thing about this new job was I had no say in what shift I could choose. Night shift sucks, and everyone wonders why I’m so fucking cranky when I’m woken up by bullshit. Coffee is now one of the many gods I worship, thank you Columbia.
Alright, I’ll stop the soap box bitching there. This is Blogbabble & it’s not all doom ‘n’ gloom here! For the most part.
I finally bought meeself a laptop, equipped with my very own ‘CYBERPUNK AS FUCK’ shades & a big butt anime mousepad. Assman!! I can now exact my writing plans! I tell you, I got sooo many plans in store, especially with an upcoming idea that may be published in another E-Zine, but I’m unsure if that project will come to fruition. You see the problem is life or other projects keep getting in the way. I understand the life part, there’s no way going around this shit. The other projects, I admit us creative folk have this constant rushing stream of ideas that are at fault. Has been too many times I’m guilty of hyping something, start working on it then ditch it when another idea hits my mind. We suck! All I can say is this E-Zine specializes in horror with a gay, lesbian, trans theme to it. I hope this comes to fruition because I really want to write for something that isn’t just for my site, along with writing for something that is not written because I said it would be a good story. Also I want to promote BlackTime E-Press in other arenas than just posting stuff on our Twitter & Facebook. Which reminds me, I’m rebooting the Twitter, too many spam accounts & plus I feel the people who like the twitter don’t get the page. I see a lot of spam accounts from so-called ‘Publishers’, a lot of thot bots (I’m sure most of you get them on any social media site), and a lot of foreigners who like the page & keep emailing me for friendship but aside from that do nothing. Like, share my stuff! I think they’re spam as well, I’m sick of trying to start a dialogue & not getting anything in response! On Tumblr I get a sizeable amount of folks who like or reblog stuff on Tumblr, thankfully. I guess it’s artists supporting artists & I thank all you fucks over there. Facebook isn’t as bad, but Twitter is a fucking hellzone. Expect the Twitter to be rebooted. So back to the ‘Queer Happenings’ E-Zine, that’s the title. I’m not sure when it will happen, I’m not blaming anyone but our damn creative quirks & life’s a bitch. I do hope it does come to fruition because I do want my writing to be featured on something that isn’t BlackTime E-Press. Also it give me a chance to write about a viewpoint besides my own. I’ve done it writing Agatha in ‘The Woman Lost in the City of Gods & Devils’, I will be writing a gay character in this story & it won’t be done in that stereotypical flaming type of way. So stay tuned for further details.
Speaking of Agatha & that world, I might also work on the third installment of the Agatha/Pasquel series, but here’s the thing. This will be the last Agatha/Pasquel story I will write……on this site. My mind has been wandering over to doing something more with them. I want to explore them more than what I did on these past two mini-series. So I’m hoping to do that, god willing if no more bullshit happens. I even got an idea for another mini-series, no details will be spared. So be prepared, this next story will be a Pasquel tale & I will admit, this installment won’t be like ‘TWLITCOGAD’ or ‘He Came Tumbling Over’. This will be something completely different. Now that I got that out of the way, let’s get into some news.
Lotta crap hit the fan these past six months (Or was it seven, I don’t know. Time is out of sync in my eyes). We’ll touch on the messed up ones, the ones that just pissed me the hell off.
So Fuher Mc.Cheese decided to kill off ‘DACA’. You know that little law that gives young Mexicans (without citizenship) a chance to actually make something of their lives! Remember what this fucker said & I use the same quote he used “I love the Mexican people!” Then why are you fucking them beyond comprehension? It’s so like Republicans, destroy whatever help people ask for & vote in laws that only aid the suits & their butt buddies. ‘Sigh’, I don’t even know why I continue to state the obvious. Also isn’t it funny how the argument these fuckers provide is “These kids need to be punished for their parents’ crime.” Then why haven’t they given black people their reparations? Regardless of how you feel about reparations, you understand the hypocrisy of this? Let’s blame current people for shit their parents, ancestors or great ancestors have done, but at the same time we gotta tell people that’s it’s all about the now. Are people just brain dead? The same shit goes with their constant mission to bring back 1950’s values & morals. Well then if that’s how you want to play, let’s go back to 1950’s prices & wages. Oh then & their they sit on their high horse & say “Robble robble robble! I never said that! Now if you excuse me, I’m going to eat a mayonnaise sandwich. What a spicy treat!”
I’ve been waiting the opportune moment to talk about Illegal Immigration, but just like Mental Health, that topic will be saved for a stand alone entry on here. Stay tuned, but back to DACA. The law serves as an opening for young illegal immigrants (who have been in this country most of their whole lives, long enough to get a basic education) to get a chance to get to college. So then & there you pretty much can connect the dots as to why Trump wants to kill it. Then we get into the way Trump’s party is even fucking up people who are getting citizenship the legal way. He’s fucking up the way people get Visas or even visit the US, so much so that a pinup from New Zeland (Miss Victory Violet) uploaded a status stating that she can’t do any tours in America (Or attend the huge, annual ‘Viva Las Vegas’ festival) because of Trump’s fuckery. Ergo, this negates my accusation that only white folks can fly to or out of America. Have you seen Victory Violet, she pale as fuck & Trump hates pretty women. Have you seen his wife? Eeeeewww, looking like a nutsack full of botox. It all began as a ban on Muslims, now it’s become a ban on anyone who isn’t born in America. Land of the free.
On the same token of political fuckery, the FCC wants to kill the internet! Doesn’t matter how these suits word it, they want to kill the internet like they killed radio, they killed network TV & they even killed cable television (Which was much more smarter & wild than it is now). I’ve blamed PC parents in the many times I talked about the death of Saturday morning cartoons, but in reality it was all the FCC’s fault. The overprotective parents played a minor role, but they wouldn’t of won if it weren’t for the FCC being bought & paid for by both the phone & cable companies. I find it weird that these past years the talk of an internet killing law didn’t get mainstream attention so in turn the laws never went to fruition. Then comes this law from Ajii….Pajii… I don’t know his name & I don’t want to out of disrespect for this fucker. For all I know his name is Shamalamadingdong(Bobs)hooheehoohaahaa. So this motherfucker wants to turn the internet into cable & adapt the same business model to the internet. So if you want Netflix, you might have to order that ‘package’ or worse, you would have to switch to another ISP just so you can watch Netflix or even go to YouTube. Of course the people get screwed over, the corporations get more money & the service gets intentionally shittier to where Comcast will be better than the rest..Ahahahah! Check out what happened to Digital TV. Here’s the cliffnotes, the FCC & the government hyped up digital TV & offered vouchers for converter boxes. Local TV was hyping up the digital transition, saying that the image will be clearer as well as clearer sound & more channels will be delivered to all TV sets nationwide. Then the day all stations turn to digital comes, everyone hooks up their box & all that hype was just a blatant, nationwide act of shysterism. Not sure if that’s a word, but it should be! Depending on the frequency of the antenna & box, you’d be lucky to get ABC, FOX & the CW channel, let alone all the weird South Korean, Thai, Japanese & Mexican channels. The images would freeze up either in the most inappropriate times or constantly to where you would see nothing but glitched up TV & the audio would come in & out when it felt like it. Once I saw all the neighbors hook up cable in the apartment, it was obvious the government greeked everyone. Now they want to do the same to the internet, to turn it to some kinda corporate haven where nobody has the same rights & you got to pay for something you’re practically already paying for through the ISP. Not only does this affect internet use, but it also affects Gamming, streaming, video content creators like all those video game/movie reviewers you like, even those pretty boy vloggers all you tweens swoon over. If it includes an internet usage, it affects it, period. Even my page, despite it being free, can be hit by this law because it’s part of Weebly. For all we know Weebly could be bought by Verizon or Comcast & the only way to view this blog is through the packages they offer. This news got so much mainstream attention, so much so that MSNBC reported on this. That’s a channel I never expected to cover this since it’s partly owned by Verizon who’s got a hand in the killing of net neutralty. Comcast is full of lazy assholes, Verizon is just full of assholes, no wonder that ‘Can You Hear Me Now’ guy is part of Sprint. So after all the negative hubbub from the people with fully functioning brains, Jaji Podgy comes out with a video in a Christmas suit holding a super soaker on one hand & a fidget spinner on the other hand (And doing ‘The Harlem Shake’ This is why Filthy Frank stopped being doing videos). Brief tangent here: What the fuck was up with a fidget spinner? It was a piece of plastic shaped like an early 2000’s toy, but all it does is spin. For a second I thought it was supposed to be like an aphrodisiac, but it just spins. How in fuck is this supposed to relieve my stress & fix my anxieties? Do people have such a small attention span that something like a spinning top gets such massive attention? I heard that it helps calm people with autism, so there’s that which I can’t really comment against, but for the rest of everyone……did you have fun for those few seconds that trend was out? Thankfully I never got into that. I was busy buying my comics & feeling shitty about my life. The guy I buy comics from is a speculator, he sells comics, funko pops & for a while was selling fidget spiners. You wouldn’t believe the people who came to him (Mostly children) asking for fidget spinners. Later on he sold off his stock because he knew the trend was dying.
And now back to our regularly schedules program, Haji Paji was on camera with a super soaker & a fidget spinner, you can smell the pandering on this guy, smells like a warehouse toilet. He comes on saying “You can still take selfies & upload them on the internet. I’m not going to rape the internet. But I might sodomize it.” And all types of lies to calm the angry waves of his supposed Millenial viewership. Luckily everyone was quick to see through the bullshit. This battle is far from over, the law can still be vetoed, don’t quit! We can’t let the FCC win again. But as I write this, another negative story has surfaced featuring YouTubers & recording stupid shit. You’ve heard of Daddy O’Five, well here comes Logan Paul who recorded a video in the suicide forest. Like all the rant videos & editorials have stated, if the suicide forest video was an isolated incident then we would be a little forgiving, but still he’d be an asshole for doing it in the first place. Once you see this guy’s videos it’s all the typical tall American white guy who thinks he’s funny while visiting a country & practically shitting on the Japanese people. The Japanese have set laws that they abide by & are probably the only society I can think of where the idea of hospitality, respect & unselfishness is still taught. Take note, America. The laws may not be pretty or American, but when visiting you have to comply or else you get stoned. I don’t mean being put in a Moonjuana Chamber (20 internet points if you get that refrence), I mean getting raped by a sharp rock dildo! If you don’t mind my[j1] tangent once again, what the fuck is up with these rich kids going to other countries, being arrogant as hell & thinking they can do whatever the hell they want? There’s stories from Canada that talk about these hot shot Hong Kong millionaires or children of millionaires who go to downtown Vancouver to party & along with their partying they make a mess, get into disputes then come out of them thinking “How dare they mess with me? I AM A KING! YOU SHALL ABIDE BY MY WORDS!” Same goes with these American rich kids who can afford to go to Thailand & party it up in New Delhi. They go there, act a fool then start crying to their mommies when they get sent to prison for I don’t know, humping that statue of the Buddha or kicking a cow. Not so long ago there was that news story where some UCLA football players who were arrested by Chinese police for stealing from a Louis Vitton store! Of course this is an international ‘Incident’ that needed to be addressed by Donald Trump because our country can’t bear to send a bunch of snot nosed football players to jail Football players are like gods here, they can do whatever we want & we just have to deal with it, what a bunch of crock. Oh, but all them poor people who have been caught with a gram of weed, THEY’S WORSE THAN HITLER! But what is up with these rich boy fucks who feel they can come to any country & act like they own the place? Then there was that one news story (Don’t know the specific details, but I know of it. Sorry.) where some richboy fucker went to visit North Korea in those tours where people visit but aren’t allowed to talk to the citizens or do anything. I don’t get that, why would you visit a country with a megalomaniac who’s playing a dick measuring contest with another megalomaniac? Whatever, so some guy decided to break the rules because I’m assuming he thought “I’m ‘Murican! I do what I want!” He gets sent to the gulag & it’s up to Trump to get him out & this fuckboy is now back in US soil due to Trump’s BDSM relationship with Kim Jeong Un. If it were up to me & I would of kept him there & told Kim “I know I hate you, but let’s agree that we both want to teach this little shit a lesson. Keep him in there for a month or two & if it isn’t too much trouble could you set up a ‘Scare Straight’ program for the guy. I’ll send you some cookies ya fat fuck.” Isn’t there a movie with Tilda Swinton where she’s sent to a Thai prison because she thought she could do whatever she wanted with her wealth? Late 90’s….Tilda Swinton & a bunch of other American/British rich fucks in Thai prison?....ahh whatever. This shit has gotten out of hand. Now back to Paul Logan, this guy did more than just record a dead body in the Suicide Forest. The videos are all over social media & his page, he’s acting a fool in Japan, doing very unfunny shit to random folks who were just living their life. So Paul Logan was running around Japan as a representative of America & basically using the Japanese people as his punchline to his unfunny jokes. He’s tossing Pokeballs at random people because “Hahahaha! Them Japs made the pookimans!” He’s putting fish on some Taxi cab. Yeah, because it’s funny thinking about some guy finding wet fish in his clean taxi cab! Hahahaha, them poor folks think they’re clean! Then we get him in a Shinto shirne (Correct me if I’m wrong if that is a shrine or if it is Shinto) basically being an ass. It’s like if I went to those temples full of Muslims praying to Mecca & just started shouting “CRUISIN’ DOWN THE STREET IN MY SIX FOUR!! JOCKIN’ THEM BITCHES, SLAPPIN’ SOME HOES!!’ It’s not cool, yet Paul Logan was there making his shit videos because he’s a goddamn rich ‘murican damnit!! He’s like that one bitch in middle school who came to class eating Cheetoes loudly, talking loudly, never doing her homework, then later on getting up in arms when the teacher gives her an F & starts making a scene when she’s told to go to the principal’s office. This is whom he reminds me of! My sophomore World History teacher (Mr. Von Bergman) gave me some wise & important advice about travelling abroad. Not only that we are representatives of the country we originate from, but also when we visit third world countries our clothing has to be appropriate. I don’t mean wearing rags in poverty stricken Haiti, but wearing something that won’t cause attention. Jeans, buttoned up shirt, nothing with logos or band names is what I’m saying. We all seen those Vogue fashion shoot photos of these skeleton white girls posing in some fucked up MC Esher dress with triangles & shit, posing next to a starving child attracting flies as some trite juxtaposition between rich & poor. So clothing is important. Where was I going with Paul Logan? Oh yeah! Now this Paul Logan guy isn’t helping with the situation on net neutrality. From this moment on the FCC & all these pro-censorship nuts will use this & Daddy O’Five & all these sick fucks as their prime examples as to why the internet will have to be censored & divided. Paul Logan, you sack of shit.
And now for the America Rep Scoreboard!
A scoreboard showing how the world views America
You thought the racism is done, you thought wrong!
So white supremacists took to the streets of Charlottesville because their precious little statues of people who lost the civil war were being taken away. I don’t know if they were going to destroy them or sell them to a museum/private collector. Still, these fuckers cried like a bunch of cry babies & decided to march. Every article I’ve read labeled these assholes as ‘White Nationalists’. Why not just call them racists? Quit sugar coating it! Not only that but hypocrites, why? Well these idiots preach on about white power & a white only nation where any coloreds are inferior & should be done away with. Then they come out marching with tikki torches on their hands preaching white power on the streets. Umm….you know tikki torches come from Hawaii & a majority of Hawaiians aren’t, you know, WHITE! Aren’t they worried they might get infected by ‘THE COLORED’!!! Wooooloolooo! Racists are idiots, I’m stating the obvious here, next topic!
Earlier this year I hoped ‘The Emoji Movie’ would start the end of days for Hollywood. I said that I expected something where all sequels weren’t going to earn record box office earnings, therefore stopping production on sequels, trite superhero movies & remakes and start a new trend in imaginative, original cinema. I guess I hoped for the impossible, but the possible occurred. Instead we got a SEXUAL HAIR-ASS-MENT apocalypse (Hair-Ass-Ment because all this shit has been giving me a hair up my ass). Celebrities getting slammed with accusations left & right, people once full of respect now left with none. Shit hit the fan for these assholes & rightly so. There are so many, let’s start with the big ones that caught everyones attention, Harvey (fat bastard) Weinstein. I never liked that motherfucker even before the sex assault cases came to light. That Jabba The Hut piece of shit had serious contempt for the audience. He would cut movies because he thinks we (The audience) are fucking retarded, yet at the same time they come out in public to sell themselves as the saviors of cinema, the reason why film is cool & in vogue. ‘The English Patient’ is shit, get over yourself you movie republicans. This has been happening for a while as an open secret, just shows you how much of an egocentric & lawless cabal Hollywood is. I haven’t read up or heard a lot on Ben Affleck, but the one that just infuriated me was Kevin Spacey. He diddled a young boy on the set of ‘The Usual Suspects’ I believe, Correct me if I’m wrong. What pissed me off was his reaction to this. He wasn’t denying the accusations, but instead he made a tweet that went something like this (Paraphrasing here): “I did it & I do feel bad. Please excuse me. I am gay, I hear I can use a gay card to get out of this. I am gay, please don’t kill me.” He just made a major disservice to homosexuals everywhere, seriously! For a while you had these anti-gay, pro-praying the gay away religious puritans who accused homosexuality as a gateway to pedophilia. Now these fuckers have a lie that has just been legitimized as a fact, all because of Kevin Fucking Spacey’s response on Twitter. ‘Sigh’, I feel for all my homosexual peoples right now, Kevin Fucking Spacy set you guys back a whole two decades. I made a status on Facebook on a remake of ‘Seven’ set in 2017 where Kevin Spacey gets away with murdering Brad Pitt’s wife by telling Brad Pitt he’s gay & Morgan Freeman’s character ends the whole film by saying, “This is some honkey bullshit.” Like I said, I’m only talking about the notable ones, but more kept on coming, like Geoffrey Rush has been accused. I seriously forgot most of the others, I’m sure there’s a list online. This whole sexual Hair-Ass-ment news could end one of two ways, a huge overhaul of the system or these assholes or they’ll just sweep it under the rug, all this news will blow over & everyone’s back to usual business. As I write, more people come to mind, that guy who works as producer at Pixar, John Lester! Now when I heard the news I started being a little skeptical & the victim came out saying she was hugged. Now at first I thought this was just a guy who likes hugs. Coming from Pixar you wouldn’t think twice about it. I know I do like getting hugged by people who aren’t family & are of the opposite sex. Then I heard the way he did these hugs &…..yeah, that shit is messed up. At least when I hugged girls in High School (Yeah, I was that socially awkward guy who happened to have two girls come to me during lunch while talking with friends & just get hugged by them. I WAS A STUDD, like Spartacus, but G-rated. Sigh, I was a sap.) I assumed the position & just let them come to me. This greasy fucker just came at them whether they wanted it or not & got them in this inescapable position. Now this case, I don’t think Pixar can make something good after this. There’s already a project that’s been cancelled, who knows what other great animation could have been made if it weren’t for that greasy fuck. Sadly this isn’t the first time someone from the animation industry has been caught with a sexual assault/harassment suit. The creator of ‘Clearance’ has been hit hard to where for a while Cartoon Network didn’t air some episodes & instead put a note on screen which said “This episode of clearance has been postponed due to circumstances. Either play outside or visit the Cartoon Network website & play our flash games.” ‘Sigh’, oy vey. To end this, I hope the people who need help get help & all these sleazy fucks get what’s coming to them. I hope there’s a documentary where it shows Harvey Weinstein’s first year in Prison. Also if one of these accusations comes out as a lie, this can have some serious consequences so better watch out for that. The truth is so hazy & smokey, one lie can set a bad domino effect.
I’m still appalled of the non-chalantless people take whenever there’s a terrorist attack or a mass shooting. It’s become normal, what a sick sad state of affairs. I’ll start with a big one, the shooting at some Country music concert in Las Vegas. I was at work when the news broke out & my god, the hypocrisy & insensitivity of some people I work with. Some guy kept on replaying the footage on his phone & this other fuckboy guy was saying, “It’s country music, those country music fans deserved it.” Yet this is the same guy always blasting corridos & regional Mexican music. It’s the same shit, different language!! I’m nowhere near a Country music fan but damn, that’s fucked up. So a white guy in a four star hotel in Vegas sneaks an AK-47 or whatever (Shows how much of a gun expert I am) & shot a bunch of people who were just having a good time. It’s always a shootout in a place where no one’s hurting anyone, that’s the part that always pisses me off. Then we get to the media reaction, this is the juicy part here. CNN, MSNBC (mostly Fox News) all jumped on the Islamophobe wagon. I can’t tell you how many thumbnails on YouTube said that the shooter was an Islamic Extremist or some agent of ISIS. Then more developments arose, the shooter was a white guy & all the hype, all the hubbub of the news died down. What, white shooters don’t bring in the eyeballs? What a dichotomy. White people as main characters have to sell a movie, but white people as mass shooters on the 9’o clock news don’t. What also annoys me is something that I just noticed recently, using tragedy to sell your news program. Not in the way of promos showing the tragedy to sell a special like what ‘20/20’ does where whenever something newsworthy happens then they’ll make an hour special about that specific tragedy. Univision kept on running promos showing footage of these hurricanes that hit, but mostly about the Vegas shooting. The promo wasn’t about the shooting itself, but mostly about how badass their reporters are & how in-depth they get! They had sex with hurricanes, square the fuck up ‘Fox News’. That’s pretty sleazy, but I have to say Univision isn’t in the wrong. So it was a Sunday, I was coming from the flea market & here comes the news of a church shooting in Texas. Univision was bringing in a live feed of the events that occurred both with an Arial view of the crime scene & reporters were on the spot interviewing both the locals & law enforcement. Where was everyone else? I’m sure local journalists were there reporting on this, but what of the other national TV journalists? CBS, NBC, FOX, CW……they were all either busy airing bullshit sports (Like golf. Who the fuck finds golf exciting?) and the worst, paid fucking programming. Oh yeah, I bet there’s some people getting a kick out of that one juicer being sold by not as moderately attractive blonde women in their late 30’s. So Univision, they’re the only people who had the common sense to report on this, yet that’s the network Donald Crump wants to take out of business. Not only is nobody going to talk about the gun laws in this country, but also there’s not a lot of talk about the danger journalism is facing. Last month’s issue of ‘Mother Jones’ (Which I haven’t read yet) has an article that discusses the already growing danger of local communities airing what is considered the All Trump Network, the same way Christian Fundamentalists have bought local TV stations in the bible belt so they can air nothing but Preachers & Christian TV.
Let’s not forget the ever continuing cycle of how America deals with mass shootings.
Phase One: Shooting happens, innocents die, mass media coverage.
Step Two: Politicians say whatever words that were written for them to comfort the sheeple.
Step Three: Same politicians who ‘expressed’ sadness for shooting say it’s too soon to talk about gun laws because “We have to mourn.”
Step Four: Once time passes, claim that we don’t need to re-evaluate our gun laws because there hasn’t been a shooting in ‘forever’.
Rinse & repeat.
I know, I’m going to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but what is up with the fact that nobody’s questioning how some guy snuck in a military grade rifle into a four star hotel? Riddle me that, Batman?
Every time there’s some national tragedy there’s always that obnoxious minority that tries to act like they know something everyone else doesn’t want to know or wants to ignore. In this instance, yeah…I want to know how this guy snuck in weapons in a five star hotel? I want to know & I also want to know if there are surveillance videos out there that show this guy sneaking in guns. This all seems too….calculated. Why would a guy with rifles walk into a hotel without any trouble but the boss at my job can tell when I haven’t done a good job sweeping the floors of the always messy warehouse?! Fuck this shit!
There was so much that happened these past five, six, seven months that I sooo wanted to talk about. Some of these I will have to reserve for their own entries. One on my mind would be talking about Illegal Immigration & some of the hypocritical bullshit I noticed when people my age were so-called ‘Politically Active’. Oh there are some juicy middle school stories to be told there. Most of that will be put on hold, but I wanna get into some entertainment blogging here. So I already gave a piece of my mind of Fidget Spinners, but what the fuck is a bitcoin? Serious to shit, why is this a thing again? I wish I could explain what a Bitcoin is, all I can say is Bitcoin is cyber money, but even then how in fuck do you find bitcoins? How are people mining for bitcoins? Just like mining for gold, are there people mining the internet? They mine computer universes for bitcoins! Is BlackTime E-Press full of bitcoins? I know bitcoins are the cash that’s used in the dark web (Which I don’t fuck around with. Ya heerrrd meh, FBI!). So is this like buying money for the internet, like buying an Amazon gift card or Pokecoins on Pokemon Go? I just don’t get it & I’ll leave it at that! Bitcoins, what the fuck are you?
2017 in film was a divisive year in film, more than previous years. Don’t get me wrong, there were as many good films as there were bad films, but there are some shinning examples of properties that have split the film community/genre community in half. Let’s start off with the film I wanted to see, but couldn’t, ‘Blade Runner 2049’. Let me get into some personal bitching here. So my birthday was on September 4th & as everyone knows nobody cares. So I thought “Ya know what? Fuck my responsibilities on Friday. I’m going to the movie theater to see what this is all about.” At this time I was seeing both negative & positive reviews. People were saying it’s a masterpiece, others were saying it was not that great. When it comes to movies like that then it's up to us as individuals to see if it’s any good or not. So I got prepared, checked out what specific bus I needed to take, what stop I should get off at, how much cash I should take with me. This was going to be my day out, baby’s day out! Sadly, Baby’s Day Out in German translates to ‘Fuck The Pain Away’ & that film fucking sucks. Should of seen what was coming with that John Hughes movie. This is when I should have taken a look at the calendar & stayed home, Friday the 13th. Of all the days I decided to have a day out, it was on a Friday The Thirteenth. So I tell the sisters I’ll be going out & at the same time my older sister is getting ready for work. I was hoping she would offer me a lift to the theater. She didn’t offer shit! She just looks up, wearing makeup that’s 70% lighter than her actual skin tone, bitch looks like a zombie! So I go out & it’s borderline 76 degrees out. In September?!! What the fuck!! I’m out here wearing a thin sweatshirt that may as well be a shirt, but I’m still sweating like a pig. So I make it to the bus stop, feeling like Lisa Simpson in that episode where she takes the bus to the museum. I was excited as hell, as well as getting a bit of nostalgia. I haven’t been on a public bus since the early 2000’s. So I sat on that wooden bench, waiting, waitng, waiting……….waiting, waiting waiting & waiting for an hour & 30 minutes gaadaamn!!! First some guy in a fisherman’s cap & a bulky vest sits next to me on the bench, he looks like the villain in a Sega fishing game. Then came this one girl, typical California valley girl with the short shorts, sunflower sunglasses & you get my drift. I was in a happy mood so I was itching for a chat with someone around my age. Instead this valley girl decides to chat with the fisherman looking guy. I admit I am an ugly motherfucker, lookin’ like Robert Davi & an animatronic’s night gone wrong. I was sitting there just listening, but I was still happy. I’m gonna see ‘Blade Runner’ in the theater! I was psyched, then I continued to wait until the girl decided to leave & it was back to me & the fisherman once again. Doesn’t matter, gonna watch Blade Runner in the theater. I check my phone & just outright shouted from the top of my lungs, “AW FUCK!” The film began thirty minutes ago. I could have gone & saw another film, but the lineup was so fucking miserable. Of all the films they could re-release, they re-released ‘Brave’ which I could just go to any pharmacy, dig into their discount bin & find that DVD for cheap. Why in fuck would I want to see that in the theater? If it were 2012 I would of but it’s 2017…or was 2017 as I write this. I had plans of staying for a double feature, I was gonna watch ‘Blade Runner 2049’ & if that disappointed me then I would sneak in to watch the new Jackie Chan film ‘The Foreigner’. I walked home angry, but then walking by my old elementary school made me full on depressed. All them kids, they don’t know that it’s only going to get worse from there. Grade school will be the highlight of their lives. I just went back home & watched that ‘Duck Tales’ reboot on Disney XD, fuck you Jason Voorhees. It’s not every day I decide to go to the movies intent on seeing a specific movie that I feel passionate about. Fuck you Jason Voorhees for turning a Friday into a bad omen & fuck you Los Angeles for making everything far away & gerrymandered via class & race.
So here’s my list of the best films of 2017.
That was the list of the best films of 2017! I didn’t see shit. Happiness is just a mirage created by the hallmark company & the corporation responsible for chemtrails.
As stated earlier, 2017 was a divisive year in entertainment. It all began with ‘Wonder Woman’, but easily enough that film was not a masterpiece. It was a film that didn’t suck as bad as the other DC films, which I can understand. Then we get to the film I just mentioned earlier, ‘Blade Runner 2049’. There were people who said it was all style, no substance. Then you get the people who say it was what it was, a true sequel to Blade Runner. The film completely divided the cyberpunk community when I the film was released. There was one criticism I found totally stupid, the film was a bomb because women weren’t interested in a movie about robots, therefore FAILURE! I call bullshit because why is it that when a film specifically for women is released nobody’s says “That’s a failure because it didn’t target the male audience” It sickens me that we don’t have genre films anymore or films that just target a specific crowd. Everything gotta be all inclusive, it’s gotta target everyone & it has to include a token (Insert any race here) character because we have to try so hard to hit all demographics. That’s why you get all these marvel movies that on the surface seem serious & unique, but out of nowhere they put in cheap humor just to get asses in the seats & they all pretty much brandish the same tropes. How many times must there be a powerful force that will destroy the world? Usually those powerful forces look like tornadoes full of energy that collect garbage & create a garbage ring. From what I’ve heard ‘Thor Ragnarok’ was trying so hard to look like ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’. Nobody’s going to see films based on the type of story anymore, but rather going to see movies based on actors & actresses, what property it was adapted from (Comics, video games, novels, TV Series, etc.) and what action set pieces were shown in the trailer. Though with the action scenes from trailers I don’t hear a lot of people giving buzz for a scene in a trailer. The last time that happened was in 1996 with ‘Independence Day’ with the scene where the aliens blew up the White House. I think nowadays, in our current political climate, we would pay for a ticket to a film just to see that. All I see now are bullshit trailer analysis done by people who think they’re smart & the common “Hey look at that cute penguin thing from the new Star Wars, WE MAKE MEEM NOW! Back to ‘Blade Runner 2049’, we gotta remind ourselves that the original Blade Runner wasn’t a big hit in it’s theatrical run back in 1982. Critics didn’t get it, some went out of their way to say it was noting but a special effects showcase with no story. So the sequel may have been a little too faithful.
Then we get to the recent release of ‘Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi’. I am ashamed to say that this is thee first ever time in my life I am not interested in a new Star Wars film. I can still go back & read some of the novels, the comics & play the games when Star Wars was at its height (I’m talking the late 80’s, 90’s era). Hell, I recently bought a 2nd edition of the Star Wars (Pen & Paper) RPG which I’m really digging the way it’s crafted (For the most part). I don’t want to sound like a fucking hipster, but I miss the days when real nerds liked star wars. Now it seems like the movies & all the other Star Wars related stuff made today is made for everyone & their grandma & Disney is playing it too safe. Rather than letting the artists create something new, they are just regurgitating plots & ideas from the original trilogy. From what I’m hearing this new film is regurgitating the same shit from ‘A New Hope’, just like ‘The Force Awakens’? Though with the recent Star Wars film I see a lot of disappointment than a clash of opinions from both sides of the spectrum. Some even said it’s worse than ‘Episode One’. Could that even be possible?! Does Luke Skywalker flick a switch on his robot hand & his robot hand starts doing the jerking off motion? Is that little owl/sea otter thing the new Jar Jar? I don’t know, but more importantly, do I care? I’ll be busy with my ‘Dark Forces’ and ‘Shadows of the Empire’. I’ll get to ‘Last Jedi’ when I feel like it & I think I already know the spoilers so it & it doesn’t surprise me. Then again that may just be the internet trolling people. I just don’t want to deal with this right now, not when Disney wants people to pay an arm & a leg for tickets or digital copies. Good god, right now go to any digital rental/streaming site like X-BOX Live or PSN, apple store or Google Play, check out the price for the original trilogy & Prequels. $79.99 for all those movies, WHAT THE MIHOY MINOY FUCK IS THIS? You can go to any flea market in America, find the DVDs & VHS tapes for way way WWAAAYYYY cheap! Hell, even the BluRays are cheaper now. They even include special features, the digital releases are nothing! Just the film in their shitty aspect ration which people don’t really take into account anymore when watching movies, that’s it. What the fuck! Who is paying for digital releases of Star Wars? Oh wait, I just answered my own question! People are no longer curious to see or hear how movies are made. Only the European countries take special care of the movies they make & receive. Why else would Bitish people call it the ‘Cinema’. I’m curious, who’s putting in their credit card number to watch Star Wars? I would of loved to have seen how ABC would sell Star Wars as part of their very short lived ‘Wonderful World of Disney’ reboot from a few years ago. I would of sat through that, because it’s free.
Then we get to the elephant man in the room, ‘Twin Peaks’. Specifically the revival, that has gotten people both amazed & divided. I have not yet seen this third season (Just bought the DVD. My opinions are pending), but I really really really wanna see it!!! Aw man, ever since I saw screenshots of the episode where Lynch went all out ‘Eraserhead’ with the origin of Bob. It’s all shot in black & white & it freaked out the non-arthouse viewers who aren’t used to weird shit! This show is like my bread & butter & I wanna see it. Then you got the cameos from ‘Nine Inch Nails’. For a short while I saw a picture that hyped me up more, then I found out it was fake. MC Ride from ‘Death Grips’ on stage with the typical ‘Twin Peaks’ credit‘Starring Kyle MacLauchlan’ imposed there. Sadly that was a fake photo & I don’t have ‘Showtime’, but I did manage to catch the 2nd season that they aired in a marathon. I got season one on DVD, but my problem with the DVD is this specific version does not include the first episode due to rights issues of the time, but it does have a buttload of special features including interviews with Log Lady, the midget from the red room & Ben Horne.
[If you don’t want spoilers on the first two seasons, skip to the next paragraph.]
I rewatched Season 1 & it still maintains its mystery & the idea that everyone on camera may be the killer, including Dale. Dale Cooper as the killer doesn’t make sense, but when you see how happy & collected he sounds in episode one, Lynch & Frost almost sell you this idea that Cooper is dark and violent just by how uncomfortably positive he is. I even liked those brief moments of the fake soap opera ‘Invitation To Love’ which express this idea that the only drama this town has ever experienced was from a syndicated soap opera, but then here comes the death of Laura Palmer. Along with her death comes all the dark underground elements that were either hidden or swept under the rug. Despite being the prom queen, the much envied socialite, the object of men’s desires & even spent time on the ‘Meals For Wheels’ program, that chick had a dark side to her which was somewhat shown in episode one. So it’s all a mystery to uncover who killed Laura Palmer. Dale Cooper & Sherriff Truman are on the case & while 30% of the investigating on the show is typical now, there are still some unique & quite strange elements thrown in, especially the idea of having a parrot be a person of interest. That was both dark & funny. Then we get to season 2, up until the reveal midway through that season it should have ended there, but it kept going & it got lost with a bunch of just bad, some of the interesting but overall poorly executed subplots. One I would of liked, but it wasn’t executed well, would be the subplot of James leaving Twin Peaks & coming across this blonde woman who’s the spitting image of Laura Palmer, therefore making him immune to reason because this chick looks like Laura, but she’s more of a scumbag but he doesn’t see it. Maybe if they made a spinoff called ‘Welcome To Twin Peaks’ where it focused on the other characters in an anthology-like series, that would have worked, but instead they just shoved those subplots into the episodes like a soap opera & were pretty much padding. I can’t really blame anyone other than the network they originally premiered (ABC) because despite giving Lynch & Frost creative freedom, they wanted them to solve the mystery. My least favorite subplot……I’m torn between the whole deal between Andy, that rich guy who Lucy was dating to piss off Andy & his nephew who they thought killed his parents. That was fucking stupid & it diverted us from their better subplot where Lucy was pregnant & she wasn’t sure if Andy or Rich Guy is the true father. It took them half a season to get back to that subplot which (Correct me if I’m wrong) began late first season. Also the whole Audrey Horn, Billy Zane romance was stupid as well. The first season showed that this show was twisting the drama of a soap on its head, but this subplot was ripped right out of a ‘Days of Our Lives’ script. Billy Zane is this basically a male character in a harlequin romance where he comes into Audrey Horne’s life….and comes in her, YOOOOOO!!!!! I’m not really lying though. Nothing but padding those later episodes were. Then we get to the 2nd to last episode, the Miss Twin Peaks competition which was half padding & half “Shit’s gonna get real!” Between the revelation episode & this episode, I was getting tired of watching nothing but padding, but every episode ended with an interesting twist or a weird as hell ending & at that point I was just watching the show for whatever endings which were much more interesting. There was that one where Josie dies after killing that one guy, then Bob appears over her corpse laughing in that fucking creepy ass laugh & disappears until Josie’s conscience is sucked into a nightstand. That was funny because of the ealy 90’s CGI, weird & overall just WTF!! So Miss Twin Peaks was a very interesting episode in the fact that everything we were seeing at that point would lead up to this scene. We’ve seen some scenes that show something was afoot with Winsome Earl (Interesting villain, poorly executed) & The Red Room where Dale met the midget who spoke in reverse. Shit goes awry during the Miss Twin Peaks competition, lights break, everyone’s freaking out & through the strobe lighting we see someone who looks like The Log Lady smiling next to the winner in a very creepy Lynchian way (Think of those two old people from ‘Mulholland Dr’) & kidnaps the Miss Twin Peaks winner who….I forgot her name but she was played by a young Heather Graham. Then the episode ends with that fucked up cliffhanger & I was ready to cry at that point. Why would my favorite character do something like that?! Yes, my favorite character is The Log Lady, her log does not judge. I like to hold my dog & say that. I’d so cosplay as her, no lie. Then the final episode of that season happens & I tell you waiting through those padded episodes was worth it. I did hate that that was not the actual Log Lady, but Windsome Earl in disguise & that whole mystery was just tossed aside. I would of loved to have seen a plot where the people within the red room are just evil & morally corrupt version of the citizens of Twin Peaks so you would have Audrey being an evil succubus, Sherriff Truman is a corrupt cop with a drinking problem and a thick stubble, but Trevor Horne is the only sane businessman &, well there is an evil Dale Cooper, but I would of loved to have seen him (Maybe this does happen in season 3. I don’t know.) go to a café & shout “Damn shitty coffee you got here in Twin Peaks!” The boring episodes were directed by other people & you could tell some of these directors were trying to emulate Lynch’s visual idiosyncracies, but couldn’t cut it. Some episodes felt less like Twin Peaks & more like your average TV crime drama & that was mainly due to the fact that Mark Frost was writing some of these episodes, but the last episode was done by David Lynch himself & he brings his A-game to this final episode! That whole episode is set in the red room & I damn near had a heart attack in that scene where Audrey handcuffs herself to the vault gate. I love that episode!!! Here are my final thoughts, Season one is magical, season 2 is magical up until we finally get the reveal & the rest is just extended padding until the beautiful final episode. Those boring episodes feel like typical soap opera & crime drama. Jean Reanault was an interesting character, hate to sound like an arrogant fanboy but he needed a Lynch tick. Whether it be a speech impediment or he just needed to wiggle his fingers around, Jean Renault needed to be weird. He was just a typical rich boy criminal. I highly recommend this show if you’re sick of the typical ‘Law & Order’ crime show out now.
I should end it here. To all of my readers/ BlackTime fans who have stuck with us even through the haitus, I give you all mass thanks. I will write all-new blogbabbles that you will all enjoy & I’m very sure I will maintain a regular schedule. All new ‘Adventures in Pancakes’ will be coming back with more fucked up/hilariuous stories. This time I’m going to be a supporting character. Yessir, be prepared to see a caricature of me hanging out with Psycho Pancake. Also I’m thinking about bringing back ‘Comic Strip Therapy’ & being more offensive/edgier about it. We’ll see. Once again, I would love to thank every single one of you for sticking around even during the hiatus. Believe me, this hiatus wasn’t planned but I accepted it, it then overstayed it’s welcome & I had no choice in choosing this new job, let alone the shift I start. That’s one thing very few of these content people on the internet tell you. Sometimes shit happens & you have to put some things on hold. If you understand, you are the MVPs here. You guys are the ones who stick around. During the hiatus I did cook up some short reviews on the ‘Electronik Critik’, did a review on ‘Dr.Wai & The Scripture of No Words’ which is basically ‘What if Indiana Jones was a Hong Kong pulp writer played by Jet Li’. That’s real & you wouldn’t believe the crazy shit in that film. So check that out & get ready for 2018, because BlackTime E-Press will be big, Big, BIG! Stay tuned.
Twitter: We’re rebooting that damn page. Too many hoes on that motherfucking meal, artificially asking how a motherfucker feels.