Here’s some good news about that, I’m past the halfway point & only have two chapters left to edit & transfer. I’m aiming for a late June or early July release, I’ll keep you posted on the Facebook, Twitter (I’m doing that now) & of course all you niche badass Tumblr people who don’t act overly offended.
So what prompted me to do this mini Blogababble entry? Nothing political, but something personal that may piss you off just as it did me. So recently I attended a funeral & despite barely knowing my uncle from my dad’s side, it was still a sad & unpleasant experience. Surely I don’t hear anybody saying how cool & ‘Lit’ someone’s funeral was, unless there was a Pac Man cabinet in the mortuary. Still, it was sad, full of crying & a dead body in balm.
So Me & my sisters were a little too overdressed for the part, I wore a neat suit shirt with patterns (It felt like I was wearing a harness, but a cool harness that would have gotten me lucky with the ladies) with a coat over it to hide my bulging fat while everyone else wore shirts, jeans & typical dark flannel. So I’m sitting in the pews, staring at my dead uncle lying in the coffin feeling super bummed out & then there are these kids running around the chapel while everyone cries. Now I’m not some crotchety old fart telling kids to stop having fun, there were kids there who were just too young to understand death, but there were also kids old enough to understand. I’m talking 12, 13 year olds playing hide ‘n’ seek in a fucking mortuary. Un-fucking believable!! If I were their age & did the same shit they did, I would have had my ass massacred by my parents or the folks running the joint would have yelled at my face, Nu-Metal style. Fucking disrespectful! I wanted to yank that one girl with the hipster glasses by the hair & tell her to sit her ass on the pews. Then there was this tubby guy, fatter than me, who was looking all sly, thinking he was Sam Fisher hiding below the pews. There was a daycare room several doors from the chapel, they could have done that shit there, but on the chapel where grown ass adults are crying & mourning, DISRESPECTFUL!! I seriously wanted to yank their collars & kick their asses. Oh but oh no, these mother fucking parents are so damn litigious, it was better not to risk it & hope one of those kids broke an arm or something. Those are kids who shouldn’t of reached touchdown on their mom’s ovaries when they were sperm cells!
Now enough of the kids, let’s talk about the fucking adults. Ohhh yeah, you old farts aren’t safe from my ranting wrath! These adults were told to shut down or put their cellphones on vibrate. During the sermon I heard eight, seven, at leas ten ringtones go off while the kind woman talked about love & loss. Disrespectful! On top of that there were people fidgeting with their phones while the daughter was reciting how much she’s going to miss her dad. I had a gameboy in my pocket, as much as I wanted to zone out of that depressing environment & play some Pokemon Blue, I didn’t because I’m not that big of a dumbass to do it during a funeral. Then there was that one guy (I don’t know who he was or what he looked like) who talked so loud that I just wanted to punch him in the ominous face. He was saying shit loud like “WHEN I DIE I WANNA BE CREAMATED.” or “I CALLED CHI CHI!” Shut your dick sucking mouth you loud mouthed Francine!!! Keep that shit down, it’s like he’s trying to get attention away from the family that has just suffered a great loss. Then after everything was done, everyone just left & there was this huge ass mess left behind. Empty water bottles, crumpled up tissues & torn pieces of pamphlets. I know you guys suffered a personal loss, but that doesn’t mean you have to loose your sense of common courtesy. Being the neat & tidy person I am, I picked up some soggy tissues & tossed them on the TRASH CAN! Yea, there were trashcans there, at least I hope they were trashcans.
While this wasn’t a harsh of a thing, I still want to rant about that fucking sandwich woman. In the kitchen there was a tray of sandwiches I was eying since I got to the mortuary. It was ham, thousand island dressing & lettuce. I was starving at that point after a day of hard work outdoors, mowing grass & shit. So I make my way through the crowds of cousins/uncles/aunts who don’t know personally. There it was, a tray of 20 or so sandwiches cut in triangles like the kind you see in an Anime. Aw yeah, I might eat one & save three. As I neared the sandwiches, some bitch decides to cover the tray in foil & takes the tray away. Like, hello, GIMME MY SANDWICHES, WENCH!!!! I walk away in failure until my mom calls me.
“Don’t go, there’s still ‘pan de concha’.”
I Don’t want that conkey ass bread, I wanted a sandwich. I ended up eating that Mexican shell bread. Eh, I had my heart set out for those sandwiches. Fuck you, you Caucasian looking, but I’m sure you’re Mexican, witch haired woman! Well, that’s what you expect to find at a mortuary, LOSS.
So to end this if you’re going to a funeral, have some respect. Help anyway you can, whether it be clean up, providing snacks or water or emotional support. Even if you have no relation with the family of the deceased, help & be respectful. Now if you’ll excuse me, I got a series to wrap up.
You all have a good one.
Rest In Piece
Jebus' Uncle From His Father's Side.
I hardly knew ye.