Part: 3 of our 2018 movie commentary, the conclusion!
But before I begin, (Sadly) we've yet another obituary here, this time it's someone I
I'm sure you all have seen. Debbie Lee Carrington, stuntwoman for chuckie & later donned a wedding dress for both 'Bride of Chucky' as well as 'Seed of Chucky' for Tiffany. She also played a prostitute on the original 'Total Recall', not very hard to miss her. Both the Chucky franchise & Total Recall made my childhood, mostly 'Total Recall' as the sexy (Not making a joke, that's her character's actual name in the film) Thumbelina & it's a shame we lost someone so noticable in the genre community. There are a ton of male actors I know of as the 'That guy!' who you always see playing a henchman or often times headlining a movie. Debbie was one of those ealry 'That Gal!' actresses who I instantly noticed as a kid whenever I watched TV or a genre film. Not only did she appear on screen acting in minor roles or background roles, she also did some stunt work in alot of movies & TV, I'll list the notable ones here:
Howard The Duck
Batman Returns
Walker, Texas Ranger
The Good Son
Baywatch
Spawn
Titanic
and my always favorite 'Leprechaun in the Hood'
She's been in alot of high profile stuff. If you go through her IMDB you'll notice she was doing stunts for films you never really exected her to do, like 'Titanic'? I thought all the people falling off the boat was all CGI. You'll even notices that she had alot of roles where they she isn't in full costume. Man, she made most of my childhood & she will be sadly missed.
But before I begin, (Sadly) we've yet another obituary here, this time it's someone I
I'm sure you all have seen. Debbie Lee Carrington, stuntwoman for chuckie & later donned a wedding dress for both 'Bride of Chucky' as well as 'Seed of Chucky' for Tiffany. She also played a prostitute on the original 'Total Recall', not very hard to miss her. Both the Chucky franchise & Total Recall made my childhood, mostly 'Total Recall' as the sexy (Not making a joke, that's her character's actual name in the film) Thumbelina & it's a shame we lost someone so noticable in the genre community. There are a ton of male actors I know of as the 'That guy!' who you always see playing a henchman or often times headlining a movie. Debbie was one of those ealry 'That Gal!' actresses who I instantly noticed as a kid whenever I watched TV or a genre film. Not only did she appear on screen acting in minor roles or background roles, she also did some stunt work in alot of movies & TV, I'll list the notable ones here:
Howard The Duck
Batman Returns
Walker, Texas Ranger
The Good Son
Baywatch
Spawn
Titanic
and my always favorite 'Leprechaun in the Hood'
She's been in alot of high profile stuff. If you go through her IMDB you'll notice she was doing stunts for films you never really exected her to do, like 'Titanic'? I thought all the people falling off the boat was all CGI. You'll even notices that she had alot of roles where they she isn't in full costume. Man, she made most of my childhood & she will be sadly missed.
Now on to the movies...
-Blindspotting: RACISM IS BAD, THE MOVIE! I get it, racism is bad. Wait up, I don't get it. I'm living it!! These movies are made just to think that racist people will watch it & suddenly change their life after seeing this film. Then you get the liberal people who will watch it just so they can feel great that they aren't racist. Of course I'm going to agree with the message, I'd be a real idiot if I went into this movie & said "You know what, I'm gonna start being prejudiced against anyone who doesn't look like me because of this movie. Racist people don't go seeing movies full of ethnic casts, unless they're being killed off or it's a right winged documentary on illegal immigration that is actually disguised as a recruitment film for the Minutemen (Border). I'm getting flashbacks to 'Crash', the one made in the 2000's, not the Cronenberg car crash sex movie.
-Hot Summer Nights: I hate coming of age movies. They just remind me of the youth I never had. "Hey look at me, I had a smoking hot girlfriend. My parents taught me to drive & let me drive their 1954 Chevy BelAir & my older sister is Molly Ringwold for some weird reason but I'll accept it! Good for you, good for fucking you, you fucking showoff!
August
-Blindspotting: RACISM IS BAD, THE MOVIE! I get it, racism is bad. Wait up, I don't get it. I'm living it!! These movies are made just to think that racist people will watch it & suddenly change their life after seeing this film. Then you get the liberal people who will watch it just so they can feel great that they aren't racist. Of course I'm going to agree with the message, I'd be a real idiot if I went into this movie & said "You know what, I'm gonna start being prejudiced against anyone who doesn't look like me because of this movie. Racist people don't go seeing movies full of ethnic casts, unless they're being killed off or it's a right winged documentary on illegal immigration that is actually disguised as a recruitment film for the Minutemen (Border). I'm getting flashbacks to 'Crash', the one made in the 2000's, not the Cronenberg car crash sex movie.
-Hot Summer Nights: I hate coming of age movies. They just remind me of the youth I never had. "Hey look at me, I had a smoking hot girlfriend. My parents taught me to drive & let me drive their 1954 Chevy BelAir & my older sister is Molly Ringwold for some weird reason but I'll accept it! Good for you, good for fucking you, you fucking showoff!
August
-Christopher Robin: Someone sent me a screenshot of this & I seriously thought this was from a banned commercial from the late 2000's! Pooh Bear looks fucking disturbing. Because of this, I actually want to see this movie in the theaters & hope the children watching this get freaked out. Kids screaming & crying, parents getting uppity at the theater staff that they would carry such a creepy looking movie & I spend all that time laughing in the background. I'm messed up. So Christopher Robin is now an adult & returns to the Hundred Acre Woods as an adult. We got old. This would either be a very emotional film that would even make all us jaded, soulless folks cry like a baby or this will turn into some manipulative piece of shit like 'The Odd Life Of Timothy Green'. I already feel fucking bad for Eeyore, that poor hippo lives in a shitty tent made up of sticks while everyone of the other animals live in homes inside trees & shit. Tigger is a filthy hippie & needs to get a job, all of them do!! But...you don't have to take my word for it.
-Meg: I've yet to read those books! From what I've heard, those books are like 'JAWS' but on crack. Haven't seen a trailer or checked out the screenshots, but I won't deny that this film will be a fun, almost like a late 90's shark film. Watch your back 'Deep Blue Sea'.
"Fun Fact: Per Variety (3/3/16), the project was originally set up at Disney in 1997, but fell into limbo after the studio was unable to get it into production before 'Deep Blue Sea' hit theaters (released in 1999)."
(Update: Saw the trailer & not only does this film look over the top, I do have to express the faults of the trailer. Why did they put a Frank Sinatra song on the trailer? What does Frank Sinatra have to do with a shark movie? I don't like how most modern movies (Since the mid 2000's) have replaced orchestral soundtracks with some dude's playlist. At times a director's playlist in place of an original soundtrack works in some cases. I do miss the days when action movies had this upbeat, orchestral, Jerry Goldsmith soundtrack. Sadly more people would rather listen to background noise or a Gwen Stefani song during a fight scene, but even then the songs they use are soo cliched & overplayed. How long are we going to hear 'California Love' by 2Pac when a movie is set in LA? Another thing that I should of mentioned as a fault for 'Deadpool' was the constant use of top ten 80's music. Try playing some obscure 80's music you lazy fucks!
So the title of this movie is actually 'The Meg' which sounds so stupid. Makes it sound like we're going to spend two hours watching Meg from 'Family Guy'. I'll take the shark from '12oz Mouse' anytime than to watch Meg Griffin.
"Fun Fact: Per Variety (3/3/16), the project was originally set up at Disney in 1997, but fell into limbo after the studio was unable to get it into production before 'Deep Blue Sea' hit theaters (released in 1999)."
(Update: Saw the trailer & not only does this film look over the top, I do have to express the faults of the trailer. Why did they put a Frank Sinatra song on the trailer? What does Frank Sinatra have to do with a shark movie? I don't like how most modern movies (Since the mid 2000's) have replaced orchestral soundtracks with some dude's playlist. At times a director's playlist in place of an original soundtrack works in some cases. I do miss the days when action movies had this upbeat, orchestral, Jerry Goldsmith soundtrack. Sadly more people would rather listen to background noise or a Gwen Stefani song during a fight scene, but even then the songs they use are soo cliched & overplayed. How long are we going to hear 'California Love' by 2Pac when a movie is set in LA? Another thing that I should of mentioned as a fault for 'Deadpool' was the constant use of top ten 80's music. Try playing some obscure 80's music you lazy fucks!
So the title of this movie is actually 'The Meg' which sounds so stupid. Makes it sound like we're going to spend two hours watching Meg from 'Family Guy'. I'll take the shark from '12oz Mouse' anytime than to watch Meg Griffin.
-Crazy Rich Asians: Oh good god! This might be a working title, oh boii, I'm wrong. Based on a book of the same title, but man! Crazy Rich Asians, we're really starting the film like that? Starring Sum Ting Wong, Wee Too Lo and Oscar award winning actress, Bang Ding Ow! I'll be escorting myself out the comedy club, don't forget to tip your waitors. The waitresses have been tipped enough. Aaaaaan there goes my female audience. Alright, enough of the stereotyping, the film stars Constance Wu, Michelle Yeoh (Love her to death!) and Ken Jeong. It's a comedy if that title didn't tell you enough. Seriously, 'Crazy Rich Asians'? That's the title we're going with? Why not just go all out with the stereotypes & remake 'Days of Thunder' set in China called 'You're going the wrong way!' Aaaaand there goes my Asian audience. 'Sigh', no wonder 'BlackTime E-Press' is not popular.
Don't worry guys, I'll make a mexican stereotype joke right now. They should make a Mexican Nascar movie, call it "I'm Not Insured!"
Now I'll be escorting myself out.
Following in the tradition of Hollywood tackling racial politics. (I'm seeing a pattern here)
-White Boy Rick: White guys go undercover during the crack epidemic of the 1980's. I was expecting this film to be made by Warner Brothers. Why? When drug dealers hire lackeys, they use them to 'Warn 'a' Brotha'.
My jokes suck & are unoriginal.
-The Happytime Murders: A puppet has to solve the murders of a cast member from children's TV show. It's a comedy horror film, this looks original & it's hard R. I want to see this now. Reminds me of this film my peers want me to watch called 'Death To Smoochi'. Jamie Foxx is in this, he hasn't dissapointed me yet.
-Slenderman: Oh good god. I don't care! I just don't care! Creepypastas are just fan fiction with a fanbase bigger than usual. Not even Chris Chan could get Slenderman's numbers. I just don't care. All I see for Slenderman is just some guy in a suit walking around, doing nothing until a jump scare happens & that's it. I played the game on Xbox Live & I just don't care. Can you believe a girl murdered her friend all because of this bullshit?
So 'Slenderman', I guess there are still people who like this. 2008 called, I want my copy of 'Pokemon Pearl' back you fucking asshats thieves! ....Long story.
September, The month I'm sure my parents regret.
-The Predator: Could the title be any more generic? I thought it was going to be called 'Predator: Dark Ages' about the Predator creature hunting people in the middle ages, but apparently that is the title for the fan film. So the synopsis here (Though it sounds poorly explained) an Ex-marine notices the predator ship, but nodody believes him? I'm not putting my faith on that synopsis, but the fun facts here on the page do have me a little worried. It states that it's a sequel to the 1987 Predator. So we're just going to ignore 'Predator 2' and 'Predators'? Seems kinda fair seeing as the second film takes place in the FAR FLUNG FUTURE (of 1997)!!!! I will defend 'Predator 2', despite the minor flaws & I have yet to watch Predators. Shane Black is directing & Fred Dekker is writing this new film. I have faith in those two ('Ricochet' & 'The Last Boyscout' are two action films all you 90's afficionados must see), but it was said the film's release has been pushed back. That sounds scary, you know nothing good has come out of pushing a film's release back. Then there's the fact that Olivia Munn is in this film. Me & a friend back in freshman year used to oggle Olivia Munn, seeing as we were both the target demographic for G4 back in the late 2000's & there was that time she went in a pool full of whipped cream (Dressed as a maid), so there's that. She may look pretty, but she can't act. I think she fit the look for Psylocke in those X-Men movies, but she can't act to save her life. She's like Jennifer Anniston, she has a career because of her looks, but none of her roles had a long lasting impression on anybody. If we're going wtih one of the 'Friends' cast being memorable, I gotta go with Lisa Kudrow in 'Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion'.
"Ahhhhm just a girrrl in the wooorrrrllld!!"
Back to 'Predator' here, I am worried that this will be the first terrible movie in the franchise. We already lost 'Alien' to the stupidity of Ridley Scott & him loosing his mind. There was a difference between Ridley of the late 70's & early 80's to today's Ridley. We could of had the Xenomorphs as this biological weapon created by those giant space jockeys that were used to kill enemy races & take over planets for colonization. The destroyed croissant ship in the first film was on its way to Earth but the Xenos started a mutiny & decided to kill their makers, thus leading to that abandoned Croissant ship in the first film. I read that in the comics, that origin there is WAAAAAY better than Ridley Scott's pretentious "They are gods, they created the universe & the humans! They are some advanced human evolution! If someone hates my story, they are uneducated & we should patronize them for it. David created the Xenomorphs" bullshit!
The only thing 'Alien Covenant' was good for was the fucked up gore. There was a scene in the film where a dude pukes out a bloody Xenomporph, that was some fucked up shit I only saw in an Italian horror movie (Gates of Hell). There's a gore reel on YouTube, I would perfer that rather than seeing the whole film.
I don't want 'The Predator' to be terrible, it's been a long while since we had a Predator film. The comics are still going & last I heard he was in the Archie Comics universe killing Jughead.
The predator creatures are the type of characters that don't need prequels because the character is a race. The predator from the first film is not the same character as the predator from the sequels. They are a hunter race that travels from planet to planet, not as a way to conquer races or worlds, but as a rite of passage for that tribal species. The novelization for 'Predator 2' goes in-depth with the culture of the predator, the one from the first film is a highly experienced female predator that is practically hunting trophies for fun. The one in the second film is an inexperienced young male on his first hunt, which is why it makes the mistakes it does. That's pretty cool & a perfect example of how a Predator film can work as an anthology-like franchise, because you got new characters from the present to the past & to the future, dealing with these Predators & these new predators that may range from friendly & willing to help innocent humans, or the bat shit insane predators that will kill anything that moves. The thing I don't want is to have Danny Glover or Arnold Schwarzenegger reprising their roles, just for cheap nostalgia marketing. I admit, that was one of the flaws for 'Blade Runner 2049'. That film could reference Dekker & Rachel, but to have them in film was just a marketing gimmick, rather than doing something original.
Don't worry guys, I'll make a mexican stereotype joke right now. They should make a Mexican Nascar movie, call it "I'm Not Insured!"
Now I'll be escorting myself out.
Following in the tradition of Hollywood tackling racial politics. (I'm seeing a pattern here)
-White Boy Rick: White guys go undercover during the crack epidemic of the 1980's. I was expecting this film to be made by Warner Brothers. Why? When drug dealers hire lackeys, they use them to 'Warn 'a' Brotha'.
My jokes suck & are unoriginal.
-The Happytime Murders: A puppet has to solve the murders of a cast member from children's TV show. It's a comedy horror film, this looks original & it's hard R. I want to see this now. Reminds me of this film my peers want me to watch called 'Death To Smoochi'. Jamie Foxx is in this, he hasn't dissapointed me yet.
-Slenderman: Oh good god. I don't care! I just don't care! Creepypastas are just fan fiction with a fanbase bigger than usual. Not even Chris Chan could get Slenderman's numbers. I just don't care. All I see for Slenderman is just some guy in a suit walking around, doing nothing until a jump scare happens & that's it. I played the game on Xbox Live & I just don't care. Can you believe a girl murdered her friend all because of this bullshit?
So 'Slenderman', I guess there are still people who like this. 2008 called, I want my copy of 'Pokemon Pearl' back you fucking asshats thieves! ....Long story.
September, The month I'm sure my parents regret.
-The Predator: Could the title be any more generic? I thought it was going to be called 'Predator: Dark Ages' about the Predator creature hunting people in the middle ages, but apparently that is the title for the fan film. So the synopsis here (Though it sounds poorly explained) an Ex-marine notices the predator ship, but nodody believes him? I'm not putting my faith on that synopsis, but the fun facts here on the page do have me a little worried. It states that it's a sequel to the 1987 Predator. So we're just going to ignore 'Predator 2' and 'Predators'? Seems kinda fair seeing as the second film takes place in the FAR FLUNG FUTURE (of 1997)!!!! I will defend 'Predator 2', despite the minor flaws & I have yet to watch Predators. Shane Black is directing & Fred Dekker is writing this new film. I have faith in those two ('Ricochet' & 'The Last Boyscout' are two action films all you 90's afficionados must see), but it was said the film's release has been pushed back. That sounds scary, you know nothing good has come out of pushing a film's release back. Then there's the fact that Olivia Munn is in this film. Me & a friend back in freshman year used to oggle Olivia Munn, seeing as we were both the target demographic for G4 back in the late 2000's & there was that time she went in a pool full of whipped cream (Dressed as a maid), so there's that. She may look pretty, but she can't act. I think she fit the look for Psylocke in those X-Men movies, but she can't act to save her life. She's like Jennifer Anniston, she has a career because of her looks, but none of her roles had a long lasting impression on anybody. If we're going wtih one of the 'Friends' cast being memorable, I gotta go with Lisa Kudrow in 'Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion'.
"Ahhhhm just a girrrl in the wooorrrrllld!!"
Back to 'Predator' here, I am worried that this will be the first terrible movie in the franchise. We already lost 'Alien' to the stupidity of Ridley Scott & him loosing his mind. There was a difference between Ridley of the late 70's & early 80's to today's Ridley. We could of had the Xenomorphs as this biological weapon created by those giant space jockeys that were used to kill enemy races & take over planets for colonization. The destroyed croissant ship in the first film was on its way to Earth but the Xenos started a mutiny & decided to kill their makers, thus leading to that abandoned Croissant ship in the first film. I read that in the comics, that origin there is WAAAAAY better than Ridley Scott's pretentious "They are gods, they created the universe & the humans! They are some advanced human evolution! If someone hates my story, they are uneducated & we should patronize them for it. David created the Xenomorphs" bullshit!
The only thing 'Alien Covenant' was good for was the fucked up gore. There was a scene in the film where a dude pukes out a bloody Xenomporph, that was some fucked up shit I only saw in an Italian horror movie (Gates of Hell). There's a gore reel on YouTube, I would perfer that rather than seeing the whole film.
I don't want 'The Predator' to be terrible, it's been a long while since we had a Predator film. The comics are still going & last I heard he was in the Archie Comics universe killing Jughead.
The predator creatures are the type of characters that don't need prequels because the character is a race. The predator from the first film is not the same character as the predator from the sequels. They are a hunter race that travels from planet to planet, not as a way to conquer races or worlds, but as a rite of passage for that tribal species. The novelization for 'Predator 2' goes in-depth with the culture of the predator, the one from the first film is a highly experienced female predator that is practically hunting trophies for fun. The one in the second film is an inexperienced young male on his first hunt, which is why it makes the mistakes it does. That's pretty cool & a perfect example of how a Predator film can work as an anthology-like franchise, because you got new characters from the present to the past & to the future, dealing with these Predators & these new predators that may range from friendly & willing to help innocent humans, or the bat shit insane predators that will kill anything that moves. The thing I don't want is to have Danny Glover or Arnold Schwarzenegger reprising their roles, just for cheap nostalgia marketing. I admit, that was one of the flaws for 'Blade Runner 2049'. That film could reference Dekker & Rachel, but to have them in film was just a marketing gimmick, rather than doing something original.
-Alpha: Remember that one movie from 2008 called '10,000 BC' from Roland Emmerich? This is what that movie reminds me of. I remember that movie being marketed & releasing at a time when nodody really cared. Part of me felt that movie was made because of the hype from 'Apocalyptico' & the head at Warner Bros was probably thinking, "Mayans are like cavemen, right? Let's greenlight that one script about those cavemen & let's hire that guy who made that movie about the White House blowing up!" So this movie is about some guys who look like cavemen doing caveman stuff, but they look too clean & too handsome. They're PCH hipsters! I bet you (Haven't seen any trailers for this) these cavemen speak American english. Yeah, because why make a movie about cavemen who speak in grunts. Better not make those cavemen speak in grunts or else Tim Allen will sue us! His flannel wearing, blue collar, blues listening, toolsexual lawyers will drain us of our money! Better not make the movie going audience read subtitles! Readings is hard!
Fighting With My Family: So the story is about a brother & sister who get the chance of a lifetime to audition for the WWE, but they soon find it's not easy. As expected, this has the stench of product placement for the WWE. I have never taken Vince Vaughn seriously in any movie, not even a comedy. For a while he was in my shit list....that was until he recently starred in a wildly interesting departure. 'Cell Block 99' very much convinced me Vince Vaughn can act & not just star in any film as a smarmy asshole. To all the people like him who star in crap, then attone with a breath stealing performance, "You're ALLLLLLLLLLLright!"
To sum up my feelings for this film, the only folks who are gonna watch this are WWE fans & this guy.
Fighting With My Family: So the story is about a brother & sister who get the chance of a lifetime to audition for the WWE, but they soon find it's not easy. As expected, this has the stench of product placement for the WWE. I have never taken Vince Vaughn seriously in any movie, not even a comedy. For a while he was in my shit list....that was until he recently starred in a wildly interesting departure. 'Cell Block 99' very much convinced me Vince Vaughn can act & not just star in any film as a smarmy asshole. To all the people like him who star in crap, then attone with a breath stealing performance, "You're ALLLLLLLLLLLright!"
To sum up my feelings for this film, the only folks who are gonna watch this are WWE fans & this guy.
Update: Saw the trailer, it's a comedy. Thus I'm now worried that Vince Vaughn is back to being the smarmy asshole again. But the trailer has 'The Rock' being hilariously awesome. That trailer made me laugh, hopefully that's reflective of the whole movie. So I will catch it.
-A Simple Favor: The first words in the synopsis say 'A mommy blogger'. What the fuck is a mommy blogger? Is that a blogger who every week just types the word "mommeh!!" & that's it? I'm not joking, I don't know what a mommy blogger is. Oh wait! I think I got it. Mommy bloggers are like me, except instead of ranting about the typical & useless bullshit I type, it's all mom rants. Yeah, & half of them want to murder their kids or something. I might like this movie. Who's directing?
........Paul Fieg. Oh what now, if I hate this movie am I a mysoginist creep who wants to keep women in the kitchen or what? Seriously, ever since that 'Ghostbusters' remake, that man's line of work is a walking, breathing, annoying taint of cinema. He even admitted that he made Ghostbusters just to see how badly he could fuck up the franchise & piss off fans. Then again, all this shit wouldn't of happened if it weren't for the fuckheads at Sony. Everything they release today is either some bullshit Adam Sandler movie or a Paul Fieg film that is only targeted to not even the stupid people, but the same type of people who voted Trump because in their words "We gotta see how badly he fucks up the country."
-Johnny English 3: I haven't seen any of these films, but I have seen Rowan Atkinson's work on the hilarious 'Mr.Bean'. I can't tell you if this is a good idea or not. It's slapstick, the only form of comedy that hasn't been violated & it's universally funny. Face it, we no longer get universally funny movies anymore (Aside from a few children's movies & TV shows). I get it, humor is subjective, but also there's this mob rules mentality when it comes to comedy nowadays. If you hate a specific comedy, all of a sudden everyone is quick to be defensive & say "It's comlex humor. Of course a plebian such as yourself wouldn't understand it." Even if the movie in question would be something stupid like 'Jack & Jill' or some stupidity made in 2003.
I should get to watching those Johnny Enligsh movies. According to the cast, Olga Kurylenko is in this film. Haven't seen her since that dull 'Quantum of Solace' bond film, or was it that first 'Alvin & The Chipmunks' film? She was in that piece of crap & was pretty damn hot as a maid. I've the soul of a dirty old man, deal with it.
-Robin Hood: How many times must we get a Robin Hood movie? We got the one from the 50's or 60's that was regarded as one of the best action movies made. Then we get the Kevin Costner one which I hear isn't that good. Then we get that one BBC show (Or was it Channel 4?) which I remember being decent (Imagine Robin Hood done in the style of 'Xena' and 'Hercules' from the 90's). For some reason a bunch of Christian TV channels love airing that show. Then 2010 hits, Ridley Scott has a chance at doing Robin Hood which I cared nothing about. I remember my AP English teacher bitching about historical inaccuracies in that film. From the screenshots it looks like the same shit as all the other Robin Hood movies. It's all medival, everyone is wearing threads or chain mail armor & all the actors are too pretty & clean to be in the middle ages. In the real middle ages the streets were covered in shit, (whether it be from horses or people) & both men and women weren't really fresh down there if you catch my subtle drift. From the looks of this it's just a typical movie trying to sell itself as if it were 'Game of Thrones'. We're medival & shit! I heard there is a Robin Hood script that deals more with the law enforcement & them trying to catch Robin Hood. I want to see that take on Robin Hood, not the same shit again! It's like hearing there's a Monty Python or Cheech & Chong reunion. It's cool & all but I don't care because they're going to be doing the same things over & over again!
-Colette: A biopic about a French novelist who wrote 'Gigi & Cherri'. I don't know what the hell 'Gigi & Cherri' is, but it's French & deals in writing so I'm all up in that. Bring it on, hairy pits!!!
-Serenity: I don't care about the plot! How many fucking times must we talk about movies made now that use the same titles as movies that were made a few years ago? There was 'Frozen' about the people stuck in a chairlift, then there's that one everyone knows about with that annoying as hell Snowman that does nothing but act annoying & keep the brown man down. 'Serenity', remember that TV show 'Firefly', that show that #Nerd culture praises as an unsung hero? Yeah, I can't wait to see how the brown coats will feel about some new movie with the title 'Serenity'. Then again, I seem to be the only person bitching about different movies (That aren't remakes) using the same title. This shit drives me up the fucking wall.
-Little Women: I see someone at 'Pure Flix' heard my cry for a remake of 'Little Women', sadly it's not my specific idea. What I wanted was an all-male, action packed remake of Little Women full of suspense, gore & heartfelt drama. It will still be called 'Little Women' because it's a remake that will satisfy the fans, even though it won't. So the folks at Pure Flix are remaking this, did the original (Or the book it's based on) involve Christianity? All I gotta say is....eh.
And now we have a special preview of Pure Flix's take on 'Little Women'.
-Night School: Hahahahah!!! I get it, these adults are getting a GED. Hahahaha! That's funny. Why would they do that? Being smart is dumb! They should give up getting their diploma so I can take all the good jobs! Hollywood is trying to steal our jobs! This poor synopsis makes us think this movie is going to be some fucked up randist comedy where the joke is people getting their GED.
Now we're talking OCTOBER!!!
-Venom: I saw the trailer, I was a little intrigued but here's the problem. Sony Studios (Those hacks) released the teaser before the visual effects were done. Why not wait until the effects were done?
Dear Hollywood
Stop blowing your load too early!
Either that or this new Venom has less black symbiote jizz around him & destroys stuff with The Force. Either way I never understood the love for Venom as a kid. Sure, he looks edgy & angry, but Venom always struck me as those typical characters that rose in polularity in the early 90's, all because he's angry, always has a grin & could be ruined by Rob Liefeld easily. I'm not holding out as much hope as everyone because I'm not a huge fan & also, Sony. Then again, Tom Hardy has not yet dissapointed me & he's rallying the film the same way Ryan Renolyds championed 'Deadpool'. Go watch 'Fury Road' again.
-A Star is Born: A remake...wait...A third remake of the film starring Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper, Andrew Dice Clay & Dave Chappelle? That is one weird & ecclectic cast there. The fact that Lady Gaga is headlining makes me think of that time Hollywood thought Mariah Carey would make a great actress. More times than not it never works out in the singer's favor. Lady Gaga has went from being an annoying popstar, both audibly & visually, to being a real musician, but all her flourecent minions thought she sold out. Really, you think she sold out just because she didn't want to make more auto-tuned crap & actually wanted to sing using her real singing voice? I remember all the flack she got when she released a duet album with Tony Bennet. I don't have both their stuff on my playlist, but you do get a sense of Lady Gaga doing what she wanted & having a great time doing it. And all her plastic fans cry Sellout, just because they don't know good music & are used to hearing overproduced bullshit. Compared to all those annoying popstars from the late 2000s & early 2010's, Lady Gaga was one who you could tell had talent & the fame didn't go up to her head.
To top it all off, I don't care that they're remaking this film, becuase I haven't seen any of the originals. Nor do I want to check out the original films. It's just not for me.
-First Man: What's this about? First man, hmmm. First man to get aids? First man to create aids? I'm guessing this film is about aids. Oh wait, here's the synopsis.
"Neil Armstrong...."
Well....that's the end of that mystery.
-Hellfest: Guys! Guys! Guys!! Guys!!!! Guys!!!!!!!! GGGUUUYSSS!!!!!
(Points finger at Jennifer Lynch)
That's David Lynch's daughter.
(Walks away)
Now we're talking OCTOBER!!!
-Venom: I saw the trailer, I was a little intrigued but here's the problem. Sony Studios (Those hacks) released the teaser before the visual effects were done. Why not wait until the effects were done?
Dear Hollywood
Stop blowing your load too early!
Either that or this new Venom has less black symbiote jizz around him & destroys stuff with The Force. Either way I never understood the love for Venom as a kid. Sure, he looks edgy & angry, but Venom always struck me as those typical characters that rose in polularity in the early 90's, all because he's angry, always has a grin & could be ruined by Rob Liefeld easily. I'm not holding out as much hope as everyone because I'm not a huge fan & also, Sony. Then again, Tom Hardy has not yet dissapointed me & he's rallying the film the same way Ryan Renolyds championed 'Deadpool'. Go watch 'Fury Road' again.
-A Star is Born: A remake...wait...A third remake of the film starring Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper, Andrew Dice Clay & Dave Chappelle? That is one weird & ecclectic cast there. The fact that Lady Gaga is headlining makes me think of that time Hollywood thought Mariah Carey would make a great actress. More times than not it never works out in the singer's favor. Lady Gaga has went from being an annoying popstar, both audibly & visually, to being a real musician, but all her flourecent minions thought she sold out. Really, you think she sold out just because she didn't want to make more auto-tuned crap & actually wanted to sing using her real singing voice? I remember all the flack she got when she released a duet album with Tony Bennet. I don't have both their stuff on my playlist, but you do get a sense of Lady Gaga doing what she wanted & having a great time doing it. And all her plastic fans cry Sellout, just because they don't know good music & are used to hearing overproduced bullshit. Compared to all those annoying popstars from the late 2000s & early 2010's, Lady Gaga was one who you could tell had talent & the fame didn't go up to her head.
To top it all off, I don't care that they're remaking this film, becuase I haven't seen any of the originals. Nor do I want to check out the original films. It's just not for me.
-First Man: What's this about? First man, hmmm. First man to get aids? First man to create aids? I'm guessing this film is about aids. Oh wait, here's the synopsis.
"Neil Armstrong...."
Well....that's the end of that mystery.
-Hellfest: Guys! Guys! Guys!! Guys!!!! Guys!!!!!!!! GGGUUUYSSS!!!!!
(Points finger at Jennifer Lynch)
That's David Lynch's daughter.
(Walks away)
-Halloween (Or Halloween 3D): Is it a reboot or a remake? I don't even know & I don't even care anymore. How many times must Michael Myers slowly walk towards his prey which is always some teenage bitch who constantly trips over bullshit & screams 'AAoowhh naaoooo!' Then Michael gets run over by a truck, gets shot & at a point blown up & still survives? And doesn't Jamie Lee Curtis die in the series? I kept hearing the horror centric news outlets talking that "It's a true sequel to that terrible second film!" or "A true sequel to the third film!" I'm confused as all hell. Appaently John Carpenter is both creative consultant & did the soundtrack. I'm a little optimistic, but after crap like 'Halloween VI' and 'Halloween (Water) H20', I can't see Michael Myers hitting a chord with today's audiences like he did in the 80's. Sorry. Also, I miss Donald Pleasance. He was awesome in those movies, even the crappy ones.
"I shot heem six tymes!!!"
R.i.p.
I will praise this movie like the second coming of Aquarius if Jaime Lee Curtis shoves in an 'Activia' product placement.
"I shot heem six tymes!!!"
R.i.p.
I will praise this movie like the second coming of Aquarius if Jaime Lee Curtis shoves in an 'Activia' product placement.
-Can You Forgive Me?: Another Melissa McCarthy movie, ugh.. We all know what's going to happen. "Harharharhar, fattie fattie 2 by 4, can't fit through the kitchen doo--" wait up! This is a drama/biopic about Lee Isreal, a woman from the 70's & 80's who wrote biographies for Hollywood royalty, she couldn't get published by anyone until she decides to ditch biographies & do Tell-All books. Wowe! You know what, I want to see this now. This sounds right up my alley. Reminds me of those documentary book ends in 'Feud: Betty & Joan'. If you haven't seen that show, are a fan of classic Hollywood & movie making, then for fucks sakes you have to stop reading this & go watch that now!!
-X-Men: Dark Pheonix: Oh great, just what I need! A movie based off a story arc I'm hunting issues for. For some dumbass reason the speculator market (Believe me, it's still there) thinks that if you have the first appearence of a character & that character appears in an upcomming movie (including the shlocky comic book characters from the 90's) then the comic's value is increased. It's stupid, then again I don't collect comics for resale value, but for the stories, which should be the sole reason why people buy comics! Sigh, so this is yet another X-Men movie I'm avoiding because I want to read the comics. People look at me like some kinda Amish person just because I say I'd rather read the comic than see the movie. Sue me for being literate you cheap dime store hoods.
-The Grinch: Yes, yet another remake of 'The Grinch' because face it 2000's kids, that Ron Howard/Jim Carrey version was pretty twisted. So this version is animated in CG, the plot is pretty much the same & the grinch is voiced by Bendictive Cumcabbage. Eh, I have to go out on a limb & say this is for the kids. I may miss line animation, but something tells me this movie is going to fall on the same trap the one from the 2000's fell. The endgame of the movie is how christmas is not about presents, sure their material goods are gone but the heart of the holiday lies within the communal celebrating of life, family & friends. What did the studio do? "Let's sell the licence to this brand so we can get monies off of merchandising!" That's why you got that Playstation One game & that one remote control car of The Grinch from 'Radio Shack'. Oh 2000's toys, I miss them.
-X-Men: Dark Pheonix: Oh great, just what I need! A movie based off a story arc I'm hunting issues for. For some dumbass reason the speculator market (Believe me, it's still there) thinks that if you have the first appearence of a character & that character appears in an upcomming movie (including the shlocky comic book characters from the 90's) then the comic's value is increased. It's stupid, then again I don't collect comics for resale value, but for the stories, which should be the sole reason why people buy comics! Sigh, so this is yet another X-Men movie I'm avoiding because I want to read the comics. People look at me like some kinda Amish person just because I say I'd rather read the comic than see the movie. Sue me for being literate you cheap dime store hoods.
-The Grinch: Yes, yet another remake of 'The Grinch' because face it 2000's kids, that Ron Howard/Jim Carrey version was pretty twisted. So this version is animated in CG, the plot is pretty much the same & the grinch is voiced by Bendictive Cumcabbage. Eh, I have to go out on a limb & say this is for the kids. I may miss line animation, but something tells me this movie is going to fall on the same trap the one from the 2000's fell. The endgame of the movie is how christmas is not about presents, sure their material goods are gone but the heart of the holiday lies within the communal celebrating of life, family & friends. What did the studio do? "Let's sell the licence to this brand so we can get monies off of merchandising!" That's why you got that Playstation One game & that one remote control car of The Grinch from 'Radio Shack'. Oh 2000's toys, I miss them.
-The Girl in The Spider's Web: Where the fuck do I begin with this!
So back in 2011 David Fincher brought us an 'American' adaptation of the first book 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' which wasn't bad, but in no way is it a classic. In my opinion the third act reveal was pretty poor, but it was servicable. Daniel Craig as Mikael Blomkvist was perfect casting & I highly commend Rooney Mara for her portrayal as Lisbeth Salander. She looked more like the book's description than Naomi Rapace in the original series. Me & a friend in high school read all the books from the (Then) Millenium Trilogy & we would talk at length during breaks about those books. They were great crime novels & for some reason I had this mental image that the whole series took place in the mid 1980's.
So if you haven't read any of those books, let me give you a crash course (No spoilers here) on the badassry of Lisbeth Salander. So Lisbeth Salander is a punk rock girl with a photographic memory who is an expert hacker & I should add she's very much a damaged person from the messed up fuckery she faced in her childhood. Because of that she decided to live life in her own way & lived against the grain through so many misadventures which lead the government in Sweeden to classify her as a special needs person, so she has a guardian who is a cool guy (Then later tranfered to a guy who is scum). To add to the descrimination she also has to deal with the always prevelant European mysoginy, it's a man's world out there.
The coolest moment in the book (It even shows in the two versions of the film) is when she's walking through her workplace in a leather jacket & goth makeup. Everyone in corprate attire is looking at her like 'Who's daughter is this?' She comes into the office with her laptop ready & she does her job like everyone else should. The boss is paying attention to all that she's saying (I forgot the details. Been a looong while since I've read that first book or seen the film) & his lackey isn't taking her serious because of her looks. It's that 'Dress how you want to be addressed' deal here. That sequence there just shows the badassery & the 'I don't give a fuck' mentality Lisbeth brings about in her presence. She's giving them the facts, the lackey doesn't care, she does her job with no drama or bullshit & I think at a point the boss says something to the effect of "She's the only person we have that can give us this type of info. So you better shut up & listen to what she has to say." That's not the only badass scene in the book, there are plenty more, some I won't spoil, but I will spoil one. In the second book, 'The Girl Who Played With Fire', she takes on bikers with a taser & it is freaking glorious! Mind you, she's a pale, 5ft 3in skinny woman with a high metabolism & she managed to take on big baaaad bikers! Throughout these books Lisbeth is a badass hacker hero with a feminist theme running through those books. Especially in the second book where Lisbeth has to use her hacking skills once again to take down human traffikers & pimps. This isn't kid's stuff here, it's a man's world in Sweeden & Lisbeth is fighting against sharks with a bloody fist. I fucking love her & those books, my first literature crush! With this in mind, how in fuck is Sony just going to skip over the second & third books & go to adapting the book that wasn't written by Steig Larsson? You're missing out on alot of social commentary, alot of character development, alot of continuity & well done mysteries by skipping those two books! Then agian, maybe they're taking a twisty, weird take on the story! Maybe instead of 'Dragon Tattoo, Played With Fire, Hornets Nest', it will be some crazier line of continuity? Still, the books are not like James Bond where they could adapt any of those Ian Flemming novels any way they deem fit. I haven't read 'Spider's Web' & I admit, I'm a little intimidated by reading that non-Larsson book. I heard nothing good about different writers taking on a dead person's work. Check out what the sci-fi community said about the Dune books that were not written by Frank Herbert or the Douglas Adams stories written by his son. So I am a little intimidated to go to Target & spend $15 on a hardcover of that one. So this movie...I'm a little irked that they aren't going to follow the books, David Fincher will not direct, Rooney Mara & Daniel Craig have steped down from reprising their roles. Replacing them will be Claire Foy, can't really comment on her. I'll have to see how she handles Lisbeth, but she seems promising since she did headline in Soderberg's recent 'Unsane' (I may catch that after knowing the whole thing was shot on I-phone). Sevirr Gudnason kinda looks a little too young to be Blomkvist, but we'll see how he handles the role. The director 'Fede Alvarez' doesn't have alot on his filmography, but there are the few that I've yet to see. Evil Dead remake, Don't Breathe & he's slated to do a sequel to 'Don't Beathe' &....oh boy. To all of you out there, all the people who were mezmerized by David Bowie's mega dong, he's going to remake 'Labrynth'. Nothing's being done, but it has been announced.
So we all just have to wait to see what Uraguay filmmaker Fede Alvarez has in plan for both Lisbeth & David Bowie's crotch. Corssover, anyone? Maybe it will star Philip Jeffries? In fact he won't talk about Judy, he won't talk about Judy at all. He will leave Judy out of it!
I've been in a 'Fire Walk With Me' kick recently.
So back in 2011 David Fincher brought us an 'American' adaptation of the first book 'The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo' which wasn't bad, but in no way is it a classic. In my opinion the third act reveal was pretty poor, but it was servicable. Daniel Craig as Mikael Blomkvist was perfect casting & I highly commend Rooney Mara for her portrayal as Lisbeth Salander. She looked more like the book's description than Naomi Rapace in the original series. Me & a friend in high school read all the books from the (Then) Millenium Trilogy & we would talk at length during breaks about those books. They were great crime novels & for some reason I had this mental image that the whole series took place in the mid 1980's.
So if you haven't read any of those books, let me give you a crash course (No spoilers here) on the badassry of Lisbeth Salander. So Lisbeth Salander is a punk rock girl with a photographic memory who is an expert hacker & I should add she's very much a damaged person from the messed up fuckery she faced in her childhood. Because of that she decided to live life in her own way & lived against the grain through so many misadventures which lead the government in Sweeden to classify her as a special needs person, so she has a guardian who is a cool guy (Then later tranfered to a guy who is scum). To add to the descrimination she also has to deal with the always prevelant European mysoginy, it's a man's world out there.
The coolest moment in the book (It even shows in the two versions of the film) is when she's walking through her workplace in a leather jacket & goth makeup. Everyone in corprate attire is looking at her like 'Who's daughter is this?' She comes into the office with her laptop ready & she does her job like everyone else should. The boss is paying attention to all that she's saying (I forgot the details. Been a looong while since I've read that first book or seen the film) & his lackey isn't taking her serious because of her looks. It's that 'Dress how you want to be addressed' deal here. That sequence there just shows the badassery & the 'I don't give a fuck' mentality Lisbeth brings about in her presence. She's giving them the facts, the lackey doesn't care, she does her job with no drama or bullshit & I think at a point the boss says something to the effect of "She's the only person we have that can give us this type of info. So you better shut up & listen to what she has to say." That's not the only badass scene in the book, there are plenty more, some I won't spoil, but I will spoil one. In the second book, 'The Girl Who Played With Fire', she takes on bikers with a taser & it is freaking glorious! Mind you, she's a pale, 5ft 3in skinny woman with a high metabolism & she managed to take on big baaaad bikers! Throughout these books Lisbeth is a badass hacker hero with a feminist theme running through those books. Especially in the second book where Lisbeth has to use her hacking skills once again to take down human traffikers & pimps. This isn't kid's stuff here, it's a man's world in Sweeden & Lisbeth is fighting against sharks with a bloody fist. I fucking love her & those books, my first literature crush! With this in mind, how in fuck is Sony just going to skip over the second & third books & go to adapting the book that wasn't written by Steig Larsson? You're missing out on alot of social commentary, alot of character development, alot of continuity & well done mysteries by skipping those two books! Then agian, maybe they're taking a twisty, weird take on the story! Maybe instead of 'Dragon Tattoo, Played With Fire, Hornets Nest', it will be some crazier line of continuity? Still, the books are not like James Bond where they could adapt any of those Ian Flemming novels any way they deem fit. I haven't read 'Spider's Web' & I admit, I'm a little intimidated by reading that non-Larsson book. I heard nothing good about different writers taking on a dead person's work. Check out what the sci-fi community said about the Dune books that were not written by Frank Herbert or the Douglas Adams stories written by his son. So I am a little intimidated to go to Target & spend $15 on a hardcover of that one. So this movie...I'm a little irked that they aren't going to follow the books, David Fincher will not direct, Rooney Mara & Daniel Craig have steped down from reprising their roles. Replacing them will be Claire Foy, can't really comment on her. I'll have to see how she handles Lisbeth, but she seems promising since she did headline in Soderberg's recent 'Unsane' (I may catch that after knowing the whole thing was shot on I-phone). Sevirr Gudnason kinda looks a little too young to be Blomkvist, but we'll see how he handles the role. The director 'Fede Alvarez' doesn't have alot on his filmography, but there are the few that I've yet to see. Evil Dead remake, Don't Breathe & he's slated to do a sequel to 'Don't Beathe' &....oh boy. To all of you out there, all the people who were mezmerized by David Bowie's mega dong, he's going to remake 'Labrynth'. Nothing's being done, but it has been announced.
So we all just have to wait to see what Uraguay filmmaker Fede Alvarez has in plan for both Lisbeth & David Bowie's crotch. Corssover, anyone? Maybe it will star Philip Jeffries? In fact he won't talk about Judy, he won't talk about Judy at all. He will leave Judy out of it!
I've been in a 'Fire Walk With Me' kick recently.
-Wreck it Raph Breaks The Internet: Oh good god, yes!!!! I want to see this film, even though I haven't seen the first one. It's been a long ass time since a trailer made me laugh my ass off! That quick scene of the little girl playing with her tablet device, then once her screen shuts off she starts screaming her guts out! That scene alone is the reason why I'm going to see this film! Also I love how the creators have gone out & said "That 'Emoji Movie' was crap. We're gonna make a better one of those!" I'm hyped for this.
-Spider-Man: Into The Spider-verse: I've read Bendis' take on Spider-Man & I didn't think it was horrible, but then again it wasn't some work of art everyone keeps thinking it is. Miles Morales is an alright Spider-Man & is capable of original stories here. This film is one of those examples of that. I want to see this! It looks like they're taking a very pop-art style which could only be seen in video-games like 'Street Fighter V' or 'Epic Mickey'. Also, I'm glad that this isn't another animated comedy, but a full on action animated film. I'll assume this film will have funny moments (Because for some reason all movies need a bit of humor, even though it comes out of nowhere), but there are too many animated movies that feel like the same thing. Besides Pixar (But even they have established their own tropes. INANIMATE OBJECTS HAVE FEELINGS) all these animated family films all share the same tropes. Even the posters for these films have the main character smirking at us with a raised eyebrow. What the fuck is that about?!
FYI: That Boss Baby should of been aborted.
So I will be looking forward to this Spider-Man film, the only Spider Man film I felt hyped for.
-Mortal Engines: Wasn't this called 'Holy Motors'? I could of sworn this was called 'Holy Motors' and the internet went fucking crazy when the teaser came out on Super Bowl sunday. So anyways, big city sized cars swallow small town sized cars for resources in some post apocalyptic, 1930's type world. I'm only judging the teaser here, it looks stupid! Then again, I'm not a huge fan of Peter Jackson. Besides 'Dead Alive' and all his gore masterpieces, I'm not in the camp of those 'Lord of the Rings' movies. I can't stand those 'Hobbit' movies & 'King Kong' just pissed me off. The film was too over long & why was Jack Black in that? I can't really judge further on Mortal Engines, other than the idea looks silly. Who knows, he might be able to pull this 1930's pulp adaptation off. I'll have to keep a finger on this one because I do have hope that he can make this film a fun, exciting & interesting watch.
-Aquaman: I'm not even commenting on the film or the fact that James Wan is directing. I'm too busy looking at the stillshots of Amber Heard as 'Mera'. My oh my ohhhmee oh my! Curves for days. Natural redhead working that cleavage.
So I will be looking forward to this Spider-Man film, the only Spider Man film I felt hyped for.
-Mortal Engines: Wasn't this called 'Holy Motors'? I could of sworn this was called 'Holy Motors' and the internet went fucking crazy when the teaser came out on Super Bowl sunday. So anyways, big city sized cars swallow small town sized cars for resources in some post apocalyptic, 1930's type world. I'm only judging the teaser here, it looks stupid! Then again, I'm not a huge fan of Peter Jackson. Besides 'Dead Alive' and all his gore masterpieces, I'm not in the camp of those 'Lord of the Rings' movies. I can't stand those 'Hobbit' movies & 'King Kong' just pissed me off. The film was too over long & why was Jack Black in that? I can't really judge further on Mortal Engines, other than the idea looks silly. Who knows, he might be able to pull this 1930's pulp adaptation off. I'll have to keep a finger on this one because I do have hope that he can make this film a fun, exciting & interesting watch.
-Aquaman: I'm not even commenting on the film or the fact that James Wan is directing. I'm too busy looking at the stillshots of Amber Heard as 'Mera'. My oh my ohhhmee oh my! Curves for days. Natural redhead working that cleavage.
Aw fuck, whenever there's something sexy in this site, there's always something stupid coming ahead. It's the nature of it.
-Bumblebee: Michael Bay hate aside (Though a chunk of his films were great), who's idea was it to say "Hey, you know who was the best character in those Transformers movies? The yellow one who can't talk!" I was expecting Skids & Mudflap to win the spot of having their own stand alone film. Imagine all the backlash that would get in this post Furgeson climate we're in now. Remember those fucking stereotypes from 'Transformers 2'? The green & red robots with grills on the teeth acting stereotypical 'n shit?
-Bumblebee: Michael Bay hate aside (Though a chunk of his films were great), who's idea was it to say "Hey, you know who was the best character in those Transformers movies? The yellow one who can't talk!" I was expecting Skids & Mudflap to win the spot of having their own stand alone film. Imagine all the backlash that would get in this post Furgeson climate we're in now. Remember those fucking stereotypes from 'Transformers 2'? The green & red robots with grills on the teeth acting stereotypical 'n shit?
According to the synopsis, this one will take place in 1987, that's interesting. It won't be directed by Bay, but something tells me this new guy wants to ape his style. Hopefully not, hopefully this new guy will direct the films with the intent of making fun movies that aren't full of Shia shouting 'Nononononononoooo!' or those dumbass comedy moments between the humans that aren't remotely funny. Thee worst one was in that third one. Despite it being alot more violent (Which I did enjoy), those human moments in that film were horrendous, including that one twist where the rich man (From 'Greys Anatomy') turns out to be working with the decepticons. How in fuck did that work? I'm sorry guys, I'm just a little pissed off because I had to take my younger sister to watch that piece of shit in the theater. If it wasn't for that teen comedy bullcrap & it was more about the robots killing each other, I admit I wouldn't of hate those movies as much as I do. We'll have to see how this new guy handles the films. Maybe we will get a beautiful performance art of destruction & robots getting shanked. At least give us robot destruction that we can see. Man, that first film suffered from shaky cam so much.
And finally, we get to the elephant in the room.
And finally, we get to the elephant in the room.
-Alita: Battle Angel: Oh man, the internet nearly broke when that first trailer hit. Those big fuckiing creepy eyes!!!! Why are her eyes like that?!
Now I'm not one to complain when anime characters don't look Japanese or anything like that. It seems like Robert Rodriguez (Director) or James Cameron (Screenwriter) took the whole big eyes in an anime thing literally. The eyes are creepy as fuck & I know that's not going to change anytime soon.
What can I say, the whole film looks like the anime, except in live action. This film has been in development hell since the 90's, which always leads me to think how this would of been done in the early 90's with minimal CGI, full of practicals, matte paintings & optical effects. I want to see that. Anime made by Hollywood has not had a great track record. You had that horrendous 'DragonBall Evolution' & even before that you had that one terrible 'Fist of the North Star' film which everyone hated. Still haven't seen it but I want to. Then you get the one nobody talks about (Aside from old school anime circles) 'Crying Freeman' which I want to see, looks very John Woo. I have not seen the first 'Guyver' film, but I do hear nothing but great things about 'Guyver: Dark Hero'. Then of course you got that recent 'Ghost in the Shell' that nobody liked & I'm a little intimidated to check out. I'm surprised 'Alita' got off the ground despite the critical failure of 'Ghost in the Shell'. So the same that I said about GITS last year can be said about this film, if this film is both a critical & financial hit, you can best bet that the other studios will check their desk drawer & say "Hey, we've been sitting on this 'Akira' screenplay for a long decade. We gotta get this in production!" So then we're going to get a strictly Japanese story that will turn out to be whitewashed & intentionally diversified, even though it doesn't work in that source material becuase it's a strictly japanese comic that deals in the social & political climate of Japan if you read between the lines. I also heard there's a 'Dirty Pair' movie that they want to make. Never watched Dirty Pair, but I bet you it won't be anywhere near the anime. It will just use the title, the characters & voila, AMERICAN REMAKE! All the SJW's would have a fied day if they pull off that very revealing armor those two main characters wear.
Still would of loved to have seen how they would of done Alita in the 90's. I don't buy that whole 'The technology wasn't there at the time' excuse becuase there would always be a film that was made years earlier that could pull off the same types of effects a film would be striving for. Case in point, the reason those early 90's TMNT movies couldn't put Krang in the film was because the producers said that Krang was unfilmable. Then you see that horror film 'The Brain' managed to pull off having a floating creepy brain eating people. If these low budget filmmakers can do it, so can big budget Hollywood. Now to be fair, there was a term Hollywood used back in the day called a 'Million Dollar a Page Script'. Sam Hamm (Screenwiriter for Both 'Batman' and 'Batman Returns') talked about how when he penned the first ever 'Watchmen' script in the 80's (That one that was not even remotely close to the Watchmen comic), it was rejected because the cost of doing the effects for Dr.Manhattan (That giant blue dude with the blue penis hanging out) would of cost a million dollars per frame. Then again I think of miniature effects, dude in blue spraypainted body standing amongst miniatures. Japan was leaps & bounds in what they were doing compared to Hollywood, why not take them as an example on how to do effects? Anyways, gone on long enough with this. I'll see it but I'm not really expecting anything new. It feels like a shot for shot remake that would satisfy those nitpicky assholes who go into film adaptations looking for any little thing that isn't exactly close to the source material. I have hope for Robert Rodriguez, his films haven't failed me yet. James Cameron, I'm sorry, that man has lost all credibility to me after trying so hard to make 'Avatar' a big hit, even though it was a pretty generic movie with overhyped special effects.
So that covers 2018.
So to recap, Hollywood is still doing the same old stuff as before. I'm seeing alot of Amazon & Netflix trying to do their own original movies. Some have succeeded (Can't really name any of the good titles) & some that have failed (Cloverfield Paradox & Bright). So the films I'm really hoping to catch are 'Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse' and to an extent 'The Predator', even though I have my fears of that movie being terrible. Then we get to 'The Girl in the Spider's Web' which I can't really tell you if it's a good idea or not. I'm still a little intimidated to read that book that wasn't written by Steig Larsson. The movie I'm dreading as hell is that 'Mamma Mia' sequel. You know they're going to annoy the shit out of everyone with that 'Here we go again' Abba song. Pierce Brosnan can't sing! Then we get to 'Overboard'. Now I'm not all that pissed off that they're remaking the movie. Sure, the original film isn't some high art with a long lasting message. I saw the trailer & TV spots then noticed something that put me off. 'Pantelion Films', yessir, these fuckers are in charge of this remake & who's one of the leads of this film? Eugenio Derbez, a man who has been starring in alot of these Pantelion films from that 'Batteries Not Included' film, all the way to last year's 'How To Be A Latin Lover'. I've no problem with the actor, but I will say his sitcom 'La Familia Peluche' was terrible. I fucking loathe that sitcom & his sketch show from the early 90's was grating! Here's a weird thing & how Hollywood is still using race & ethnic demographics to market films. If you see the TV spots & trailers on any English speaking TV channel or internet page, the trailers would sell Anna Faris as the lead. If you see the TV spots on channels like 'Univision' or 'Telemundo', they will sell Eugenio Derebez as the lead. To quote the Dora The Explorer looking girl from the taco commercials, "Why not both?" I remember they did this with this other movie 'Heaven is For Real' which (again) sold Eugenio as the lead in all the spanish marketing, but everywhere else the marketing focuses on everyone besides Eugenio. So to anyone working in Hollywood, instead of making movies telling us why stereotyping & racism are bad, why don't you guys stop stereotyping, & being racist, as well as stop sexually assaulting/harassing people! Y'all are fucking dumbasses!
There's one movie that hit my radar that I did not cover on here. A film called 'Sorry To Bother You' which reminds me of Gilliam's 'Brazil' with alot more social satire into it. Sadly that will be a 'Select Theaters' deal because mainstream America is too stupid for satire. We're living in an Onion article right now! Then there's 'Futureworld'. James Franco watched 'Mad Max: Fury Road' and said "I wanna make one of those!" and what ensued looks like a straight to video, aired on the 'SyFy' channel on a saturday afternoon type of movie. Surprisingly, Milla Jovovich is in the film, but most of the trailer mainly shows 'Suki Waterhouse' doing all the badass stuff.
'Sigh', I'm gonna have to catch this movie just to see how bad it gets. I might enjoy it, but I have no high hopes for this. Snoop Dogg is in this film, I'm a little intrigued.
Next time: A blogbabble mini & yes, it's the mental health one. So take that as a warning.
Email: blacktime.epress@aol.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/BlackTimeEPress/
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/blacktime-e-press
Site: www.blacktimepress.weeby.com
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/JebusBlack/
So to recap, Hollywood is still doing the same old stuff as before. I'm seeing alot of Amazon & Netflix trying to do their own original movies. Some have succeeded (Can't really name any of the good titles) & some that have failed (Cloverfield Paradox & Bright). So the films I'm really hoping to catch are 'Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse' and to an extent 'The Predator', even though I have my fears of that movie being terrible. Then we get to 'The Girl in the Spider's Web' which I can't really tell you if it's a good idea or not. I'm still a little intimidated to read that book that wasn't written by Steig Larsson. The movie I'm dreading as hell is that 'Mamma Mia' sequel. You know they're going to annoy the shit out of everyone with that 'Here we go again' Abba song. Pierce Brosnan can't sing! Then we get to 'Overboard'. Now I'm not all that pissed off that they're remaking the movie. Sure, the original film isn't some high art with a long lasting message. I saw the trailer & TV spots then noticed something that put me off. 'Pantelion Films', yessir, these fuckers are in charge of this remake & who's one of the leads of this film? Eugenio Derbez, a man who has been starring in alot of these Pantelion films from that 'Batteries Not Included' film, all the way to last year's 'How To Be A Latin Lover'. I've no problem with the actor, but I will say his sitcom 'La Familia Peluche' was terrible. I fucking loathe that sitcom & his sketch show from the early 90's was grating! Here's a weird thing & how Hollywood is still using race & ethnic demographics to market films. If you see the TV spots & trailers on any English speaking TV channel or internet page, the trailers would sell Anna Faris as the lead. If you see the TV spots on channels like 'Univision' or 'Telemundo', they will sell Eugenio Derebez as the lead. To quote the Dora The Explorer looking girl from the taco commercials, "Why not both?" I remember they did this with this other movie 'Heaven is For Real' which (again) sold Eugenio as the lead in all the spanish marketing, but everywhere else the marketing focuses on everyone besides Eugenio. So to anyone working in Hollywood, instead of making movies telling us why stereotyping & racism are bad, why don't you guys stop stereotyping, & being racist, as well as stop sexually assaulting/harassing people! Y'all are fucking dumbasses!
There's one movie that hit my radar that I did not cover on here. A film called 'Sorry To Bother You' which reminds me of Gilliam's 'Brazil' with alot more social satire into it. Sadly that will be a 'Select Theaters' deal because mainstream America is too stupid for satire. We're living in an Onion article right now! Then there's 'Futureworld'. James Franco watched 'Mad Max: Fury Road' and said "I wanna make one of those!" and what ensued looks like a straight to video, aired on the 'SyFy' channel on a saturday afternoon type of movie. Surprisingly, Milla Jovovich is in the film, but most of the trailer mainly shows 'Suki Waterhouse' doing all the badass stuff.
'Sigh', I'm gonna have to catch this movie just to see how bad it gets. I might enjoy it, but I have no high hopes for this. Snoop Dogg is in this film, I'm a little intrigued.
Next time: A blogbabble mini & yes, it's the mental health one. So take that as a warning.
Email: blacktime.epress@aol.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/BlackTimeEPress/
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/blacktime-e-press
Site: www.blacktimepress.weeby.com
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/JebusBlack/