Previously on '2018 Movies: Battle Royale Wit Cheese (Part 1)', we touched on a portion of the movies on 'MovieInsider.net'. Some of them well deserving of hate, others I gave praise that are yet to be released sometime this year. Internet commentary: We bitch about movies before they are even released!
Let me get this bit out of the way, I'm using the 'Jarte' word processor & sadly this app doesn't include spell check. What did I expect, the software looks like something out of a 1998 Dell computer. Just like in middle school & grade school essays, I gotta re-read & edit this more than twice. I made the mistake of rereading it once & publishing this immediately. So many bad spellings of simple words on that last one. Despite that, there are words I badly spelled for comedic effect like 'Cowboy Beeboop' or when I did my redneck impression (In text). I feel bad for the bad spelling of easy words. I promise you guys, it won't happen again, I'm sorry. I apoligize to all of you who have a hard time taking a blog seriously with so much bad grammar. Unless you're a grammar nazi, then fuck you. NAZIS FUCK OFF!
Before I start with Part 2 here, I need a minute here to delve into some serious, heartbreaking news/obiturary here.
I know I'm late as always with bad news, but better late then never. So when I did my comics special here on Blogbabble, I messaged (Can't really call it an interview seeing as I only asked for an answer to one question) Hart D. Fisher on why he worked on the hilariuosly titled 'Mighty Morphin Rump Rangers' comic. He was kind enough to respond to my otherwise dumbass question. He's a very busy man, especially considering his duities at 'American Horrors' and also taking care of his wife. He's been doing that for a long while & as a show of support I, along with several other people, contributed to his GoFundMe to pay for his wife's medical bills. Hart has talked highly about his wife in all the interviews he's in, episdoes of Lost in the Static, What the Fuck, all those shows he was a guest on & I can't blame him. Only the best men treat their wife extra. He found someone who completed him, Wakka kept in him check & I feel his pain. When the news broke that Wakka passed away, that hit. I know what most of you are thinking, 'How could you feel this for someone you didn't even know in person?' Well, first impressions are everything, guys. Also she starred in a short film (Which you can see on YouTube. Gonna post it) called 'Primates of The Deep' which is a sendup of all those Kaiju, Sentai shows I adore. Also she was a fan of Blogbabble, so there's that. Despite sharing stuff on Facebook & engaging in small talk (Which is as common as opening a door to someone), there's a cool story I want to tell about her that perfectly encapsulates how cool Wakka is. So a couple of years ago Hart & his American Horrors channel was covering a Halloween event at a place called 'Hollywood Sports'. I heard him talk about the event on his podcast & didn't really think twice about it. It was some event where on their paintball arena they would have people dressed as zombies running around, so this was like Call of Duty Zombies, but for real, with paintballs & I'm pretty sure some of them were dressed as undead nazis. That sounded pretty cool & I would still kill to go to a paintball or pellet gun game. Laser tag, who cares, I just wanna shoot stuffs! Then his wife posted a picture or a video (I forget which) about this event & the picture included the entrance for this Hollywood Sports place. I have passed by this place so many times either coming from work or going home (Back when I loved my job). So I was aware of the place & just dropped a typical comment that said "Oh I know where that place is." Nothing deep, but then minutes later she sends me a message. I admit, I'm jaded when it comes to new messages on my inbox because most of the time I get emails from people telling me to support their scams (Charity via Paypal, My name is Erica: Play my Tumblr MMORPG, all that bullcrap). Either that or it's someone I added who doesn't speak english well & wants to make friends so you engage in a simple conversation & that whole convo lasts a second until they dissapear into the nothingness. I guess the found out I'm crazy as fuck or they don't really want to chat as much. Or it's an old friend who sends me a message & you reply to that message & no response. I know what 'Seen Jul 3, 2015' means you idiots! Social Media has turned everyone antisocial, but I'll get to that can of worms sometime. So I open up the message from Wakka & she tells me she's got an extra ticket for the event & was willing to send it to me via physical mail, remember writing & sending letters, kids? If it wasn't for my situation at the time (Which I'm still dealing with...ahem!) I would of gladly accepted that free ticket & bought a 'Marvel Can Suck My Cock' T-shirt to raise eyebrows. The fact that she would give me a free ticket just shows how cool of a person Wakka is.
She will be truly missed & to Hart, I feel your pain. Serious mass condolences to everyone who was very close to her, her closest friends & her family. I wished I could of hung out with them because guess what guys? Interactions online aren't the same as interactions in person! She seemed like a cool person online, I have no doubts she was better in person.
So rest in peace Wakka Kawagoshi Fisher, you will truly be missed. You fought the battle,fought harder than any of us would be capable of & we commend you for being strong & awesome.
Let me get this bit out of the way, I'm using the 'Jarte' word processor & sadly this app doesn't include spell check. What did I expect, the software looks like something out of a 1998 Dell computer. Just like in middle school & grade school essays, I gotta re-read & edit this more than twice. I made the mistake of rereading it once & publishing this immediately. So many bad spellings of simple words on that last one. Despite that, there are words I badly spelled for comedic effect like 'Cowboy Beeboop' or when I did my redneck impression (In text). I feel bad for the bad spelling of easy words. I promise you guys, it won't happen again, I'm sorry. I apoligize to all of you who have a hard time taking a blog seriously with so much bad grammar. Unless you're a grammar nazi, then fuck you. NAZIS FUCK OFF!
Before I start with Part 2 here, I need a minute here to delve into some serious, heartbreaking news/obiturary here.
I know I'm late as always with bad news, but better late then never. So when I did my comics special here on Blogbabble, I messaged (Can't really call it an interview seeing as I only asked for an answer to one question) Hart D. Fisher on why he worked on the hilariuosly titled 'Mighty Morphin Rump Rangers' comic. He was kind enough to respond to my otherwise dumbass question. He's a very busy man, especially considering his duities at 'American Horrors' and also taking care of his wife. He's been doing that for a long while & as a show of support I, along with several other people, contributed to his GoFundMe to pay for his wife's medical bills. Hart has talked highly about his wife in all the interviews he's in, episdoes of Lost in the Static, What the Fuck, all those shows he was a guest on & I can't blame him. Only the best men treat their wife extra. He found someone who completed him, Wakka kept in him check & I feel his pain. When the news broke that Wakka passed away, that hit. I know what most of you are thinking, 'How could you feel this for someone you didn't even know in person?' Well, first impressions are everything, guys. Also she starred in a short film (Which you can see on YouTube. Gonna post it) called 'Primates of The Deep' which is a sendup of all those Kaiju, Sentai shows I adore. Also she was a fan of Blogbabble, so there's that. Despite sharing stuff on Facebook & engaging in small talk (Which is as common as opening a door to someone), there's a cool story I want to tell about her that perfectly encapsulates how cool Wakka is. So a couple of years ago Hart & his American Horrors channel was covering a Halloween event at a place called 'Hollywood Sports'. I heard him talk about the event on his podcast & didn't really think twice about it. It was some event where on their paintball arena they would have people dressed as zombies running around, so this was like Call of Duty Zombies, but for real, with paintballs & I'm pretty sure some of them were dressed as undead nazis. That sounded pretty cool & I would still kill to go to a paintball or pellet gun game. Laser tag, who cares, I just wanna shoot stuffs! Then his wife posted a picture or a video (I forget which) about this event & the picture included the entrance for this Hollywood Sports place. I have passed by this place so many times either coming from work or going home (Back when I loved my job). So I was aware of the place & just dropped a typical comment that said "Oh I know where that place is." Nothing deep, but then minutes later she sends me a message. I admit, I'm jaded when it comes to new messages on my inbox because most of the time I get emails from people telling me to support their scams (Charity via Paypal, My name is Erica: Play my Tumblr MMORPG, all that bullcrap). Either that or it's someone I added who doesn't speak english well & wants to make friends so you engage in a simple conversation & that whole convo lasts a second until they dissapear into the nothingness. I guess the found out I'm crazy as fuck or they don't really want to chat as much. Or it's an old friend who sends me a message & you reply to that message & no response. I know what 'Seen Jul 3, 2015' means you idiots! Social Media has turned everyone antisocial, but I'll get to that can of worms sometime. So I open up the message from Wakka & she tells me she's got an extra ticket for the event & was willing to send it to me via physical mail, remember writing & sending letters, kids? If it wasn't for my situation at the time (Which I'm still dealing with...ahem!) I would of gladly accepted that free ticket & bought a 'Marvel Can Suck My Cock' T-shirt to raise eyebrows. The fact that she would give me a free ticket just shows how cool of a person Wakka is.
She will be truly missed & to Hart, I feel your pain. Serious mass condolences to everyone who was very close to her, her closest friends & her family. I wished I could of hung out with them because guess what guys? Interactions online aren't the same as interactions in person! She seemed like a cool person online, I have no doubts she was better in person.
So rest in peace Wakka Kawagoshi Fisher, you will truly be missed. You fought the battle,fought harder than any of us would be capable of & we commend you for being strong & awesome.
Without further ado, grab your junk food, your non-GMO veggies, your vaggies, smoke 'em if you got 'em, (though I'm not a fan) vape 'em if you modified 'em.
This is PART TWO!
May
-Life of the Party: Hahahahahaha!!! I get it, Melissa McCarthy is fat! Hahahahahahaha!!!!! 2018 is the height of comedy in film! Take that, Richard Pryor! I really should speak of the plot. So basically Melissa McCarty is divorced & decides "I'm going to the same college my daughter goes to, because I'm fat & I need to act like I'm 20 again!" This is 'Back To School' but with a woman...a typecast woman. That's all! How many movies must we need where a middle aged character joins their young son or daughter in something like school or spring break. That shit is sooo played out, I don't see this movie offering anyting new to that trope.
This may come as a shock to the few parental folks who read this. If your son or daughter is living their own life after spending 18+ years under your control without giving you no shit, let them be free! If they call you on the phone or email you or whatever, then that means they still have you in their thoughts. Let them have fun on their own, give them their personal freedom, let them party & sleep with that girl with the cat ears who has daddy issues & quite possiby has VD! They don't need you because you trained them well! It's one thing if the young people aren't bothered by the fact that their parents are on their every aspect of their life, but for the ones who want personal space, let them!! Sorry guys, I just had to let off some steam on this.
-The Seagull: Aw man, The Seagull. Tis the muthafucking movie, tis is the most hardcore shit you will ever see!! Check this story out, CUZ! There's this New England family..Yeah! New England, there's a new one of those! So there's this New English family who has to deal with the cray cray shit that happens when someone......when someone falls in LOVE!!!! DIS THA THUG SHIT HOMEBOII!! 'Boyz in da Hood' wished they could of been as hard as this film! Straight bustaz will hate this flick because they can't be this hard. Okay, I'll stop with the ebonics.
-Deadpool 2: I half enjoyed the first film. I'll start with the good, I thought the action was bloody & well done. I fucking loved seeing Colossus & I laughed loud at that one scene where the fight stops, all because this one girl's boob fell out of her tanktop & it was censored a la 'Austin Powers' style with his hand on the foreground!
Now let's start with the bad, I hated the fact that the movie was edited in a non-linear style. That whole film should have been linear. This smelled of a movie being wrecked in the editing room, the non-linear style was subject to much tonal whiplash. One scene would end with Deadpool dealing with the fact that he has cancer, then out of nowhere we cut to Deadpool in real time shooting a dude in the ass shouting "Poopy Cowabunga!" Now I'm not against non-linear storytelling (Mulholland Dr), but the way this movie did it was abysmal. Just as things pick up, just as the action was heats up then we cut back to Ryan Renoylds dating that one bitch! The humor was just stupid for the sake of "We can't write funny jokes. Let's make Ryan Reynolds hump a unicorn plushie." Despite that, I do remember laughing at that one moment when Deadpool cuts out his own hand from the cuffs. That was funny & I had hope the whole movie might have funny moments like that. Then there's that TJ Miller line-o-rama moment when he starts talking about how Deadpool looks like someone fucked an avocado. TJ Miller......shut your cigarette voice up. That scene was grating as hell.
So 'Deadpool 2'.....I'm gonna have to see this one too. I'm not looking forward to the humor, it's all Deadpool looking into the audience & saying "I refrenced something you enjoy. WORSHIP ME!" Despite that, I am looking forward for some more R-rated Marvel action & I'm looking forward to seeing Cable & Domino. I don't care that they made Domino black or that Cable is played by Josh Brolin, I feel those two will be the life of that movie.
This is PART TWO!
May
-Life of the Party: Hahahahahaha!!! I get it, Melissa McCarthy is fat! Hahahahahahaha!!!!! 2018 is the height of comedy in film! Take that, Richard Pryor! I really should speak of the plot. So basically Melissa McCarty is divorced & decides "I'm going to the same college my daughter goes to, because I'm fat & I need to act like I'm 20 again!" This is 'Back To School' but with a woman...a typecast woman. That's all! How many movies must we need where a middle aged character joins their young son or daughter in something like school or spring break. That shit is sooo played out, I don't see this movie offering anyting new to that trope.
This may come as a shock to the few parental folks who read this. If your son or daughter is living their own life after spending 18+ years under your control without giving you no shit, let them be free! If they call you on the phone or email you or whatever, then that means they still have you in their thoughts. Let them have fun on their own, give them their personal freedom, let them party & sleep with that girl with the cat ears who has daddy issues & quite possiby has VD! They don't need you because you trained them well! It's one thing if the young people aren't bothered by the fact that their parents are on their every aspect of their life, but for the ones who want personal space, let them!! Sorry guys, I just had to let off some steam on this.
-The Seagull: Aw man, The Seagull. Tis the muthafucking movie, tis is the most hardcore shit you will ever see!! Check this story out, CUZ! There's this New England family..Yeah! New England, there's a new one of those! So there's this New English family who has to deal with the cray cray shit that happens when someone......when someone falls in LOVE!!!! DIS THA THUG SHIT HOMEBOII!! 'Boyz in da Hood' wished they could of been as hard as this film! Straight bustaz will hate this flick because they can't be this hard. Okay, I'll stop with the ebonics.
-Deadpool 2: I half enjoyed the first film. I'll start with the good, I thought the action was bloody & well done. I fucking loved seeing Colossus & I laughed loud at that one scene where the fight stops, all because this one girl's boob fell out of her tanktop & it was censored a la 'Austin Powers' style with his hand on the foreground!
Now let's start with the bad, I hated the fact that the movie was edited in a non-linear style. That whole film should have been linear. This smelled of a movie being wrecked in the editing room, the non-linear style was subject to much tonal whiplash. One scene would end with Deadpool dealing with the fact that he has cancer, then out of nowhere we cut to Deadpool in real time shooting a dude in the ass shouting "Poopy Cowabunga!" Now I'm not against non-linear storytelling (Mulholland Dr), but the way this movie did it was abysmal. Just as things pick up, just as the action was heats up then we cut back to Ryan Renoylds dating that one bitch! The humor was just stupid for the sake of "We can't write funny jokes. Let's make Ryan Reynolds hump a unicorn plushie." Despite that, I do remember laughing at that one moment when Deadpool cuts out his own hand from the cuffs. That was funny & I had hope the whole movie might have funny moments like that. Then there's that TJ Miller line-o-rama moment when he starts talking about how Deadpool looks like someone fucked an avocado. TJ Miller......shut your cigarette voice up. That scene was grating as hell.
So 'Deadpool 2'.....I'm gonna have to see this one too. I'm not looking forward to the humor, it's all Deadpool looking into the audience & saying "I refrenced something you enjoy. WORSHIP ME!" Despite that, I am looking forward for some more R-rated Marvel action & I'm looking forward to seeing Cable & Domino. I don't care that they made Domino black or that Cable is played by Josh Brolin, I feel those two will be the life of that movie.
-Book Club: You know how last time I asked who keeps paying money to see these 'Fifty Shades of Grey' movies? I think I just found my answer. It's vanilla women in their 70's, played by Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda & a bunch of other women past their prime. So these ladies lives spiral downard after divorce or in the case of Diane's character, her hubbie dead! So they read one of these '50 Shades' books & it doesn't go in detail, but I'm assuming they're now going into BDSM clubs in leathers. Let that image sink into your brain. The only way you can get away with BDSM grannies is if the movie is headlined by Helen Mirren, total GILF she is. This sounds like a product placement for those shitty books & those shitty movies. Even though the movie is being released by 'Paramount Pictures', this just smells product placement, unless they decide to change the book title to '50 Templates of Beigie' as a way to evade legal action.
-Anders Manor: A girl turns 18 & is let out of the insane asylum. Say no more, me & Todd Solondz are going to have a great time watching this! That messed up monent when you're tired of watching happy familes on TV & movies, so you actively go out looking for movies about disfunctional families & depressed people, just to know we're not the only ones. We gots problems!!
-SOLO: A Star Wars Story: 'Sigh', I've still yet to see 'Rogue One' and 'The Last Jedi'. At least with those two movies it's mainly full of original characters. The thing about prequels is they lack suspense or sometimes give us backstory we don't need because everyone was okay with the bits of dialogue or the hints of that character's past that help us paint a broad picture of that person's past. That's one of the flaws of the prequels & how they handle (Specifically) Boba Fett. Boba was the man with no name from the Star Wars universe. His past, his identity & his morality should of been a mystery! Instead George Lucas just gave him a dead daddy plot & killed him off in a decond by a blind Han Solo. Despite that, I might see how good it gets or how bad it will turn out. The news of reshoots during the production doesn't promise me anything. To be honest, I'm taking break from the new Star Wars films. There's so much masturbatory love for these films & so much self loathing hate for these films. I do have to watch these films as stand alone films because I know I'm never going to rekindle my love for those films like I did when I first saw 'A New Hope' on KTLA back in the early 2000's. I like to watch these movies when the waters have calmed so I can form my own opinion about these films without tainted opinions shooting about. For now, I'm avoiding it. Now let's talk about that 'controversey' the film's posters have generated! Now I'm not a gun nut here, but removing the guns from the posters is kinda dumb for a movie that's all about the characters fighting back with laser pistols. Here's the thing, Disney isn't releasing those posters to American theaters, but those posters are for the Brazillian release of the film, which I find alot weirder. I'm not as annoyed by the fact that the guns are removed, but I'm annoyed that with the removal of the gun from an artistic perspective, the posters looks awkward. Why are these guys posing like that? What are they doing? This feels less like Star Wars & feels like I'm about to watch an adaptation of the Star Wars disco theme. So quit bitching guys, this isn't the American poster. You can still get that poster of Han Solo posing with his iconic blaster. Despite the rendered posters looking awkward, at least they aren't pushing the film back just to remove blasters from the film & replace them with Walkie Talkies.
-Anders Manor: A girl turns 18 & is let out of the insane asylum. Say no more, me & Todd Solondz are going to have a great time watching this! That messed up monent when you're tired of watching happy familes on TV & movies, so you actively go out looking for movies about disfunctional families & depressed people, just to know we're not the only ones. We gots problems!!
-SOLO: A Star Wars Story: 'Sigh', I've still yet to see 'Rogue One' and 'The Last Jedi'. At least with those two movies it's mainly full of original characters. The thing about prequels is they lack suspense or sometimes give us backstory we don't need because everyone was okay with the bits of dialogue or the hints of that character's past that help us paint a broad picture of that person's past. That's one of the flaws of the prequels & how they handle (Specifically) Boba Fett. Boba was the man with no name from the Star Wars universe. His past, his identity & his morality should of been a mystery! Instead George Lucas just gave him a dead daddy plot & killed him off in a decond by a blind Han Solo. Despite that, I might see how good it gets or how bad it will turn out. The news of reshoots during the production doesn't promise me anything. To be honest, I'm taking break from the new Star Wars films. There's so much masturbatory love for these films & so much self loathing hate for these films. I do have to watch these films as stand alone films because I know I'm never going to rekindle my love for those films like I did when I first saw 'A New Hope' on KTLA back in the early 2000's. I like to watch these movies when the waters have calmed so I can form my own opinion about these films without tainted opinions shooting about. For now, I'm avoiding it. Now let's talk about that 'controversey' the film's posters have generated! Now I'm not a gun nut here, but removing the guns from the posters is kinda dumb for a movie that's all about the characters fighting back with laser pistols. Here's the thing, Disney isn't releasing those posters to American theaters, but those posters are for the Brazillian release of the film, which I find alot weirder. I'm not as annoyed by the fact that the guns are removed, but I'm annoyed that with the removal of the gun from an artistic perspective, the posters looks awkward. Why are these guys posing like that? What are they doing? This feels less like Star Wars & feels like I'm about to watch an adaptation of the Star Wars disco theme. So quit bitching guys, this isn't the American poster. You can still get that poster of Han Solo posing with his iconic blaster. Despite the rendered posters looking awkward, at least they aren't pushing the film back just to remove blasters from the film & replace them with Walkie Talkies.
June
-Action Point: There's no trailer, no poster, no screenshots but the synopsis claims the movie is going to take place at a New Jersey amusement park, will include pranks in the same vein as 'Bad Grandpa' & will star Johnny Knoxville. I already hate this movie! I don't get the love Johnny Knoxville gets. I don't get how stupid assholes pulling pranks & kicking eachother in the balls gets heralded as comedic genius. I knew women who would watch Johnny Knoxville drink horse sperm & yet they would still soak their panties for that disgusting person. I don't get it!
Apparently the film will be known as 'Dangerous Amusement Park'. I wouldn't be surprised if they change the title to Dangerous Amusement Park, the people going to see this movie would think 'Action Point' is about a needle.
-Oceans Eight: Where's my goddamn 'Expendabelles' movie? I want that movie! I don't give a fuck about the Oceans movies, regardless of the gender. I want my Expendabelles! From the ruhmors I heard Linda Hamilton, Sigourney Weaver, one of the female UFC ladies & Michelle Yeoh were up for the Expendabelles. I can't wait to see that shit! I want an Expendabelles movie soooo bad!! Sylvester Stallone, quit being such an ego douche & make Expendabelles!!
Now about this movie, how long are these people going to rob casinos? How much money does George CLOONTEH need to where he had to rob casinos for seven films?
-Hereditary: I saw the trailer for this & this whole film reminds me of that eerie intro sequence from 'Blue Velvet'. It looks very eerie, some shots have a very miniature look & style to it which looks off kilter & fits with the story they're telling. This film has been heralded as 'THEE SCARIEST MOVIE EVER MADE!' So scary that people ran out of the theater & passed out from the screenings. Here's what I got to say about that, either the people who have passed out at the screening were so sheltered, they never saw a horror movie & that one was the one that got to them. That or the genre is so watered down & cliched now, people's standards have lowered so much since the early 90's. So now they're scared of easy shit like 'Ghost Hunters' and all that homgenous crap that contains little to no real threat. "Oh my god, the ghost is making noises! Oooooh! Scary noises." That's not horror, that's just some guy making noises in the background to scare these pussy fucks. I may sound like an old fogie, but at this point nothing is scarier in a film than what occurs in real life. Call me jaded, but movie horror doesn't scare me anymore, knowing the fact that real life horrors can happen at anytime & at any place is scary, this coming from paranoid me. Want nightmares, you should see what our government wants to do to our civil liberties or the fuckery happening in the middle east.
I'll check this film out, but I'm not going in to this thinking I will be scared. It looks well done & well acted. Who knows, maybe this film will creep the fuck out of me. David Cronenberg has managed to creep me out, you'd be surprised with what scares me in film.
-Won't You Be My Neighbor: Take my money! Take it all! This is a documentary on Fred Rogers, that's all you need to sell. Take all of it, I wanna see this madly!!!!
and now for the biggie here
-The Incredibles 2: Elastigirl THICC!!!! That is all.
On a serious note, that first 'Incredibles' movie brought back a love of superheroes & that mature (Without getting violent or dark) storytelling for kids. The way it was styled & executed reminded me of those Bruce Timm DC animated shows. Between those DC shows & Incredibles, everything seemed dumbed down or played itself so safe. The only exception would be 'Static Shock', but even then that show seemed to push the message in a not so subtle way (In the very few instances). DC had Bruce Timm, Disney has Brad Bird, one of the few guys I see who makes cartoons for kids, but doesn't talk down to them (The Iron Giant). The Incredibles showed me (Mind you, this was before discovering 'Watchmen') the idea of superheroes growing old, stepping down from being a superhero, living normal lives as well as starting families & getting out of shape. The movie was a classic & I'm suprised it took them this long to make a sequel.
-Gotti: John Travolta plays John Gotti and according to the fun facts here, it's a passion project for Travolta. I might catch this one, I've yet to watch the rest of 'The People VS OJ Simpson' & I didn't think Travolta was all that bad in that show. He looked creepy, but he wasn't the worst actor in that first episode. Speaking of John Gotti, anyone remember that time his wife & two sons had a reality show? It was called 'Growing up Gotti' if you could believe that, from the early 2000's. I wish they made a comeback so the Gotti Family could whack the Kardashians. How fucking long are those hoes going to continue their bullshit show? They got no talent, yet they're millionares! Why do they still have a following? #GambinosWackKardashians
-Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom: 'Sigh', this just sounds stupid! So Chris Pratt & some woman (Because there always has to be a female romantic interest in every summer blockbuster) go back into the island because the dinosaurs might die in a volcano. When the hell was there a volcano in Jurassic Park? This is the same place they thought to build an amusement park! What the fuck! Did the people handling construction & mapping not notice an inactive volcano? Also every time they try to being back dinosaurs & show the public, it never turns out well. After four times of this shit, why are they still protecting the dinosaurs? At this point do we really need a sequel? Were we really asking for a sequel? That fourth film came out of nowhere & of course the hype was all nostalgia based because my generation was really begging for a sequel after that lackluster third film. From what I've heard, they want to use that scrapped script idea of the human dinosaur hybrids which sounds awesome for another movie, completely stupid for this franchise that supposedly sells itself as HARD SCIENCE. I'm just uninterested in this. Dinosaurs aren't cool anymore, we're into 'Alf' now. WHERE'S MY GODDAMN HORROR 'ALF' REBOOT?
-Action Point: There's no trailer, no poster, no screenshots but the synopsis claims the movie is going to take place at a New Jersey amusement park, will include pranks in the same vein as 'Bad Grandpa' & will star Johnny Knoxville. I already hate this movie! I don't get the love Johnny Knoxville gets. I don't get how stupid assholes pulling pranks & kicking eachother in the balls gets heralded as comedic genius. I knew women who would watch Johnny Knoxville drink horse sperm & yet they would still soak their panties for that disgusting person. I don't get it!
Apparently the film will be known as 'Dangerous Amusement Park'. I wouldn't be surprised if they change the title to Dangerous Amusement Park, the people going to see this movie would think 'Action Point' is about a needle.
-Oceans Eight: Where's my goddamn 'Expendabelles' movie? I want that movie! I don't give a fuck about the Oceans movies, regardless of the gender. I want my Expendabelles! From the ruhmors I heard Linda Hamilton, Sigourney Weaver, one of the female UFC ladies & Michelle Yeoh were up for the Expendabelles. I can't wait to see that shit! I want an Expendabelles movie soooo bad!! Sylvester Stallone, quit being such an ego douche & make Expendabelles!!
Now about this movie, how long are these people going to rob casinos? How much money does George CLOONTEH need to where he had to rob casinos for seven films?
-Hereditary: I saw the trailer for this & this whole film reminds me of that eerie intro sequence from 'Blue Velvet'. It looks very eerie, some shots have a very miniature look & style to it which looks off kilter & fits with the story they're telling. This film has been heralded as 'THEE SCARIEST MOVIE EVER MADE!' So scary that people ran out of the theater & passed out from the screenings. Here's what I got to say about that, either the people who have passed out at the screening were so sheltered, they never saw a horror movie & that one was the one that got to them. That or the genre is so watered down & cliched now, people's standards have lowered so much since the early 90's. So now they're scared of easy shit like 'Ghost Hunters' and all that homgenous crap that contains little to no real threat. "Oh my god, the ghost is making noises! Oooooh! Scary noises." That's not horror, that's just some guy making noises in the background to scare these pussy fucks. I may sound like an old fogie, but at this point nothing is scarier in a film than what occurs in real life. Call me jaded, but movie horror doesn't scare me anymore, knowing the fact that real life horrors can happen at anytime & at any place is scary, this coming from paranoid me. Want nightmares, you should see what our government wants to do to our civil liberties or the fuckery happening in the middle east.
I'll check this film out, but I'm not going in to this thinking I will be scared. It looks well done & well acted. Who knows, maybe this film will creep the fuck out of me. David Cronenberg has managed to creep me out, you'd be surprised with what scares me in film.
-Won't You Be My Neighbor: Take my money! Take it all! This is a documentary on Fred Rogers, that's all you need to sell. Take all of it, I wanna see this madly!!!!
and now for the biggie here
-The Incredibles 2: Elastigirl THICC!!!! That is all.
On a serious note, that first 'Incredibles' movie brought back a love of superheroes & that mature (Without getting violent or dark) storytelling for kids. The way it was styled & executed reminded me of those Bruce Timm DC animated shows. Between those DC shows & Incredibles, everything seemed dumbed down or played itself so safe. The only exception would be 'Static Shock', but even then that show seemed to push the message in a not so subtle way (In the very few instances). DC had Bruce Timm, Disney has Brad Bird, one of the few guys I see who makes cartoons for kids, but doesn't talk down to them (The Iron Giant). The Incredibles showed me (Mind you, this was before discovering 'Watchmen') the idea of superheroes growing old, stepping down from being a superhero, living normal lives as well as starting families & getting out of shape. The movie was a classic & I'm suprised it took them this long to make a sequel.
-Gotti: John Travolta plays John Gotti and according to the fun facts here, it's a passion project for Travolta. I might catch this one, I've yet to watch the rest of 'The People VS OJ Simpson' & I didn't think Travolta was all that bad in that show. He looked creepy, but he wasn't the worst actor in that first episode. Speaking of John Gotti, anyone remember that time his wife & two sons had a reality show? It was called 'Growing up Gotti' if you could believe that, from the early 2000's. I wish they made a comeback so the Gotti Family could whack the Kardashians. How fucking long are those hoes going to continue their bullshit show? They got no talent, yet they're millionares! Why do they still have a following? #GambinosWackKardashians
-Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom: 'Sigh', this just sounds stupid! So Chris Pratt & some woman (Because there always has to be a female romantic interest in every summer blockbuster) go back into the island because the dinosaurs might die in a volcano. When the hell was there a volcano in Jurassic Park? This is the same place they thought to build an amusement park! What the fuck! Did the people handling construction & mapping not notice an inactive volcano? Also every time they try to being back dinosaurs & show the public, it never turns out well. After four times of this shit, why are they still protecting the dinosaurs? At this point do we really need a sequel? Were we really asking for a sequel? That fourth film came out of nowhere & of course the hype was all nostalgia based because my generation was really begging for a sequel after that lackluster third film. From what I've heard, they want to use that scrapped script idea of the human dinosaur hybrids which sounds awesome for another movie, completely stupid for this franchise that supposedly sells itself as HARD SCIENCE. I'm just uninterested in this. Dinosaurs aren't cool anymore, we're into 'Alf' now. WHERE'S MY GODDAMN HORROR 'ALF' REBOOT?
-Woman Walks Ahead: White woman saves the engines! I mean Native Americans. And yes, I get annoyed when people use the term 'Indians' for Native Americans because if you say Indians, I think of the Indians from acrosss the pond! So that's the synpopsis, anyone really care? It's not 1991 anymore, the whole white person saving the colored people from stuff doesn't sell anymore. Seriuosly Hollywood, you got to stop rewriting & sugarcoating history!
July
-Wasp & The Ant Man: Of all the marvel characters in the MCU, does anyone care about the Ant Man, let alone The Wasp? Everyone talks about Iron Man, Captain America, Black Widow, Thor & recently Black Panther. Ant Man? Not really seeing the hype. The film was moderately recieved, but not enough to say "It's a huge hit! Let's get ourselves a sequel ASAP!!!" Not feeling the ants, man. Not feeling the ants & they're in my pants.
-Whitney: A documentary on Whitney Houston. Eh. I could make a joke about Whitney & Bobby's crack addiction, but nah. Currently I'm too tired to think of one. Next.
-Hotel Transylvania 3: I heard nothing but good things about these films. Adam Sandler's funny voice shtick fits in this film more than in practically everything he's done. I admit, the last film I saw of his that basically told me "This guy is dead to me" was that retarded 'Bedtime Stories' (Also the name of a skinemax movie. Don't ask). I saw that film in, of all places, film class in High School. Igggh!!!! So I might give those movies a chance & they were directed by Gendy Tartakovsky, the guy who brought us 'Dexter's Labratory' & 'Samurai Jack'. I always dig his stuff.
-Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far On Foot: No lie, I want to see this. So Joaquin Pheonix plays a guy who nearly dies of a car crash, starts feeling like shit (Been there, done that) until his friends cheer him up, bring him up on his feet (Rooney Mara is on the cast list. I'd treat her right) & he decides to draw edgy newspaper cartoons that bring him acclaim. Directed by Gus Van Sant of all people, let's ignore his 'Psycho' remake. I want to see this, but here's the thing which I'm starting to see in most of the films on here. This isn't a studio film, but the studio that funded & released this is a very small name. Oh some name nobody's ever heard that also deals in an online store called 'Amazon Studios'. Do I have to pay for 'Amazon Prime' in order to see this film if it doesn't hit theaters? The problem with streaming is it's become such an oversaturated market & I really don't want to pay for two streaming sites, especially now that I haven't had the time to watch anything on Netflix, let alone watch the stuff that's on my DVR right now. Sooo many decisions! So back to this movie, I want to see this. This kinda hits home & I want to see how they treat this biography. Oh yeah, it's based on a true story & I'm sure Gus Van Sant won't dissapoint me.
-Puzzle: This movie is about a woman who's being abused by her husband who is actually a sentient box full of 500 pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I'm kidding, here's the real synopsis:
"Agnes, taken for granted as a suburban mother, discovers a passion for solving jigsaw puzzles, which unexpectedly draws her into a new world – where her life unfolds in ways she could never have imagined. "
Something tells me this Agnes lady is going to fall for a sentient box of puzzles & have sex with them. I need to watch this now.
-The Equalizer 2: This is one of those few instances when a movie was based off an 80's TV show got all this flack because it wasn't the 80's TV show, then when the movie came out all that hubub was gone. Those same folks who were crying "Why they turn this traditionally white character black?" were quiet, looking at their shoes & saying 'nevermind'. I've not seen alot of the first film, I've seen chunks. From what I saw the film looks fun. I forget which actress it was, one of those young actresses that I get creep me out when dudes my age start oggling her. Cloe Moretz or someone like her, where while I was going through puberty, she was barely eight or seven so all that sexualization is messed up! Same goes to that sexualization of that one kid from 'Sranger Things'. Quit creeping on them & let them do their homework! One of those actresses that age played a teen prostitute & Denzel Washington brutally kills these Russian pimps for her freedom. That was pretty fucking cool. I'll have to see the first film in order to form an opinion on the idea of a sequel.
-Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again: No! No!!! Noooo!!! Here we go again? No! There you go again! Don't include me into your obnoxious escapades of 'Here we go again!'
I would like to tell all of you guys who were part of the Narbonne High School stage arts between 2009 & 2012 here. Thank you for not suggesting or performing anything 'Mamma Mia' related. You can do 'Greese', you can do' Avenue Q' or 'Streetcar Named Desire' or worse, you can do 'West Side Story', that one musical about the gangs that even homosexual folks would look at & say "The fuck kinda gang is this? Dance fighting is stupid." I draw the line on 'Mamma Mia', now I got that annoying as fuck song on my mind right now & I'm considering a lobotomy to get it out. Sometimes you have to sever an arm to stop the infection from spreading.
Seriously Pierce Brosnan, the James Bond royalties aren't covering it anymore? You need to star in this fucking bullshit & sing? I never want to hear Pierce sing. I want to hear him say "The name's bond, James Bond." How in fuck is there a sequel to a Broadway musical? How does that even happen? Ugh, I'm going to avoid this movie like the plague.
-Mission Impossible: Fallout: Just stop already! Just stop Tom Cruise! You're still on your mission to convince people that you're cool. Here's a message from HQ, you're not! Every single movie he's recently been in is all an overpriced, narcisisstic, 2 hour & 30 minute Facebook/Instagram story showing how cool Tom Cruise thinks he is. Don't get me started on that unfunny 'The Mummy' remake. Just stop Tom! People have been telling me 'Live, Die, Repeat' is great, but I'm still not seeing it for the fact that Tom Cruise is the lead. He's such an eyesore.
And now for the final title for the day!
-Teen Titans GO to the Movies: Now I'm not part of the 'Teen Titans Go' hate or love of the show. It's just there & I don't get active when I see it. I've seen a few episodes, some had hilarious moments, some were just loud & hyperactive for that childish ADHD audience & that's not my thing. I'm a little bitter over the fact that Cartoon Network will never revive the original series, but at the same time all of you guys complaining have to admit that we got old. Also I blame more the new heads at Cartoon Network because they don't want to diversify anymore. Every single day it's a marathon of some overplayed show! We're no longer kids so of course we won't understand the love this new show has. Plus, the brand is always subject to constant reinvention. The generation that grew up reading George Perez & Marv Wolfman weren't all that glad for the 2000's 'Teen Titans'. At the end of it, this is Teen Titans for today's kids. You can love it, you can hate it, but at this point it seems like everyone who is going to see this movie is just going into it just to find something to hate or they are kids who really like the show. I'm just going to sit here & focus my attention on other stuff. All you man-children have fun bitching about a cartoon. The same can be said about 'TMNT', a cartoon remake has been announced & everyone there is bitching. I admit, I haven't seen any TMNT since that 2008 movie, which wasn't all that bad. I've yet to see that 'Tales From The TMNT' show which has intrigued me. There's a story where the turtles are in a post apocalyptic world & one where Master Splinter takes care of the turtles as infants in a very 'Lone Wold & Cub' style. That sounds awesome.
We'll end it here for now. Next week will be the conclusion.
I've been dealing with a head cold right now, if you can believe it. So these past three days I've been so tired I couldn't write or edit, but at the same time I still went to work. JOBS! They tell you not to come in when sick, but they'll fucking penalize you (Not in that way) for not working a specific number of hours a week. Land of the free.
So bear with the lengthy time before the next installment. Stay Tuned!
Email: blacktime.epress@aol.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/BlackTimeEPress/
Twitter: We’re rebooting that damn page. Too many hoes on that motherfucking meal, artificially asking how a motherfucker feels.
Soundcloud:https://soundcloud.com/blacktime-e-press
Site: www.blacktimepress.weeby.com
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/JebusBlack/
-Teen Titans GO to the Movies: Now I'm not part of the 'Teen Titans Go' hate or love of the show. It's just there & I don't get active when I see it. I've seen a few episodes, some had hilarious moments, some were just loud & hyperactive for that childish ADHD audience & that's not my thing. I'm a little bitter over the fact that Cartoon Network will never revive the original series, but at the same time all of you guys complaining have to admit that we got old. Also I blame more the new heads at Cartoon Network because they don't want to diversify anymore. Every single day it's a marathon of some overplayed show! We're no longer kids so of course we won't understand the love this new show has. Plus, the brand is always subject to constant reinvention. The generation that grew up reading George Perez & Marv Wolfman weren't all that glad for the 2000's 'Teen Titans'. At the end of it, this is Teen Titans for today's kids. You can love it, you can hate it, but at this point it seems like everyone who is going to see this movie is just going into it just to find something to hate or they are kids who really like the show. I'm just going to sit here & focus my attention on other stuff. All you man-children have fun bitching about a cartoon. The same can be said about 'TMNT', a cartoon remake has been announced & everyone there is bitching. I admit, I haven't seen any TMNT since that 2008 movie, which wasn't all that bad. I've yet to see that 'Tales From The TMNT' show which has intrigued me. There's a story where the turtles are in a post apocalyptic world & one where Master Splinter takes care of the turtles as infants in a very 'Lone Wold & Cub' style. That sounds awesome.
We'll end it here for now. Next week will be the conclusion.
I've been dealing with a head cold right now, if you can believe it. So these past three days I've been so tired I couldn't write or edit, but at the same time I still went to work. JOBS! They tell you not to come in when sick, but they'll fucking penalize you (Not in that way) for not working a specific number of hours a week. Land of the free.
So bear with the lengthy time before the next installment. Stay Tuned!
Email: blacktime.epress@aol.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/BlackTimeEPress/
Twitter: We’re rebooting that damn page. Too many hoes on that motherfucking meal, artificially asking how a motherfucker feels.
Soundcloud:https://soundcloud.com/blacktime-e-press
Site: www.blacktimepress.weeby.com
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/JebusBlack/